Bluebell Review Chamber [CLOSED]

જ Self-Love Symphony જ ☾Carmi☽

Writing style/grammar: 7/10

Figurative language is well-woven into the narration. The writer makes use of personification (_...he buried the unclothed and breathing truth in front of him...), metaphors (Not all, but a few sentiments were tremendously shaken by the waves of nothingness and crushed expectations), similes and even alliteration (I waited for my words of remorse to revamp into words of realization...).

I also found her writing to be elegant; the author introduces a new idea with subtlety. For example, she doesn't directly tell her readers that the MC is a counselling psychologist, but readers can glean such information from the following sentence: I only need to tone my words in a convincing yet warming manner to counsel my patients.

Her writing is emotive and captures the speaker's former self-loathing mindset: _By chasing the love I knew would never be reciprocated, I ate myself. Not only is her diction dramatic, but so is her writing technique; she paints a dynamically dark atmosphere with short, quick sentences.

As for grammar, the writer often omits commas or hyphens in a compound adjective. She also sometimes ran into the issue of using the wrong tense of a word.

The descriptions, although most of them are creative and distinct, sometimes come off as awkward. Not every line has to be indirect. It sounds far more natural to say that the speaker's eyes brimmed with tears and not water. Furthermore, the following paragraph— A ting of a notification snatched my attention from the thoughts of those sprouting couple to the phone which was on my lap. Its screen flashed‐ "Who is your valentine?"—could be edited to read as follows:

My phone pinged with a notification, immediately redirecting my attention from the blossoming couple to the message that flashed across the screen—"Who's your Valentine?"

I've said the following to many writers before: If your story is not written in a dialogue format, do not indicate a character's action in italics or asterisks, but actually describe what they're doing. For example, if the speaker laughs, don't literally write "laugh" and slide onto the next sentence as if you hadn't just awoken one of my biggest pet peeves. Instead, write: A chuckle slipped past my lips as I was unable to contain myself. This reconstruction sounds more professional and brings your character to life.

Finally, I suggest that the writer creates a smoother transition between the past and present. I didn't realize that the chubby boy Jungkook spoke of was his younger self; I thought it was a different character because the writer hadn't clarified that the speaker was reminiscing what he'd been like. Therefore, the flashback could be introduced as follows: "I hadn't changed the interior of my room since my teenage years and as I ran an eye over my possessions, I felt a wave of bittersweet nostalgia throw me back into the past. A memory of a boy flashed across my mind, the pen in his hand poised over a card as he poured his heart out onto the paper..."

Genre relevance: 10/10

This one-shot is obviously a fanfiction and there is some comedy presented by the speaker, but these genres are actually insignificant to the story. Although unrequited love and heartbreak play an important role in the story, it's barely submerged in the romance genre to be placed in such a category. This one-shot is mostly about self-discovery and self-love. I don't know which genres those elements belong to, but they must have a mother.

Reading enjoyment: 9/10

This story had such a beautiful message. Usually I roll my eyes at self-love promoters because sometimes I find their encouraging words to be overrated, unbearably saccharine and insincere. Self-love could also lead to unintentional arrogance.

But people, especially today's generation, must learn to accept themselves as they are. Children are already battling depression and self-hate at a young age. The author reminds us that it's often easier to forgive others than yourself. It's much easier to love others than to love yourself. We break ourselves down with depreciating thoughts and tear ourselves apart because we feel inadequate. But the writer doesn't tell us to run away from who we are or even try to overcome our flaws, instead she teaches us to embrace our weaknesses.

By the end of the story, Jungkook has developed a renewed perspective of himself. He has learnt to run a finger over his scars without feeling disgust towards them.

A few sections of the story were rugged with unrefined descriptions and grammatical errors, however. But what I enjoyed most about this one-shot was its simplicity. The heavy absence of characterization and a complicated plot didn't interfere with the flow of the story. I also loved the way the writer had concluded her one-shot.

Overall thoughts and extra comments: 95/100

There's still plenty of room for improvement. Hopefully I have provided the writer with some helpful advice that she could use to enhance her imagery and overall narration. The story, however, is unique and its message is relevant and touching.