Countryhumans Oneshots

The Fire Pokémon Club

Happy very belated birthday to ApeculiarChild2 and Horror7469. This oneshot is for y'all.

"Does she even have the power to call a meeting? I mean, she's only a state." Celtic League asked her father as they walked towards the meeting room that they and two others had been called into by Hawaiʻi.

"But she is a former country, Yr Undeb Geltaidd, just like Llydaw and Cernyw, and they can call meetings."

"Yeah, but only for organizations they are a part of." Celtic League protested

"Sometimes I forget how young you are, and then you say things like that," Wales commented, causing their daughter to give them a fondly exasperated look.

"Do I want to know what they did?" She asked.

"No. No, you do not." Wales responded, "Besides, you are an organization made up of former colonies, intending to preserve our cultures and languages, which almost died out. You, of all people, should be more sympathetic to Hawaii. Her native peoples have suffered similar plights to my own and the other Celtics."

"So I've heard..." Celtic League muttered.

"Oh, come on, my beloved nizez. You know that Iwerzhon just has a lot of friends." Brittany, another country invited, said as she practically skipped to join the duo.

"And kids," Wales muttered.

"And kids, and besides, he's a storyteller at heart. Of course, he is constantly talking about them." Brittany added. Celtic League huffed.

"I know, I know. I don't need a lecture," she said as she approached the room's door, nearly shoving it open. Wales and Brittany exchanged looks with a small smile before they followed her in.

Inside the room, they saw two other nations, the American State and Former Kingdom of Hawaiʻi, the person who invited them there, and the Republic of Malta, who waved as they entered, looking relieved to see them.

"Hello, Wales," Malta said, as he was the only one in the group she was familiar with.

"Heya Malta. How are you?" Wales responded with the friendliest smile he could muster.

"I'm confused as to why I'm here, if I'm being honest," Malta said, turning to Hawaiʻi.

"I would also like an explanation, Hawaii," Celtic League said. Hawaiʻi smiled as she spread out her arms.

"I have invited you all here for a very special reason—"

"Murdering my brother?" Celtic League asked, causing her father to shoot her a glare as she brought up information he and England had been trying to bury for a long time. Hawaiʻi shook her head.

"Unfortunately, no, I've been banned from causing international diplomatic incidents for the next three years after that trouble in Paris," Hawaiʻi said with a dramatic sign.

"Oh, come on, that was funny," Wales said with a laugh as he remembered exactly what Hawaiʻi was talking about.

"And you can't say Bro-C'hall didn't deserve it," Brittany added.

"Oh, I agree there. Unfortunately, America can't let me get away with things like that, and his government was very insistent he punish me because apparently 'international diplomatic incidents are bad' or whatever," Hawaiʻi said, making air quotes as she explained.

"So what was the punishment?" Brittany asked, her voice playful.

"He said some of the tourists from the mainland were punishment enough and then passed out for twelve hours," Hawaiʻi said, prompting a startled laugh out of Wales.

"Is that normal for him?" Malta asked, still looking uncomfortable.

"Yep. He's a workaholic insomniac sometimes." Hawaiʻi said before clapping her hands together, "Anyways, let's get back on track. So, the reason why I've invited you all here is because it's come to my attention, via Massachusetts bitching to me at three am, that we all have the ability to create fire."

"I see where this is going, and I'm excited," Celtic League said with a wide grin.

"Yr Undeb Geltaidd, shouldn't you be the one advocating against arson most?" Wales asked his daughter. Celtic League snorted and waved her hand dismissively.

"You've let me spend too much time with Moereb Breizh. I've been corrupted, and there's nothing you can do to stop it," she said, causing Brittany to give Wales a triumphant grin.

"I wasn't advocating arson—"

"Who are you, and what have you done with Hawaii?" Wales asked, earning him the middle finger from said state.

"But I was going to propose, like, a club for us with fire abilities so we can just fuck around with them. We are all fireproof, right?" Hawaiʻi asked, looking around the small group of nations.

"I'm not." Malta said, "The horse features canceled it out."

"Malta, you can hold the fire extinguisher then," Brittany said, walking over to the fire extinguisher in the wall.

"Don't steal that," Wales said halfheartedly.

"Don't tell me what to do, Kembre." She snapped back but backed away from the fire extinguisher anyway.

"Where would we do this anyway? Because all of us together seems like a massive fire hazard." Malta cut in.

"Fire hazards are fun." Wales said blankly, causing his daughter to smack his head, "Ow!"

"No!" She snapped, "I'm not dealing with that bullshit from you today."

"It was one time!" Wales protested, rubbing at his head.

"You burnt down my fucking house!" Celtic League said, throwing her hands in the air.

"I didn't know you had a gas fireplace like a heathen!"

"Rydych chi wedi marw i mi." (You're dead to me,) Celtic League said, causing Wales to gasp and clutch at their chest like an overdramatic Victorian maiden.

"Dy dad dy hun?" (Your own father?)

"Fe wnaethoch chi losgi fy nhŷ i lawr!" (You burned down my house!) Celtic League yelled.

"Not that this isn't exciting or whatever, but can you save your little familial spat for later?" Brittany asked.

"You're literally my aunt," Celtic League said, turning to Britanny, which caused Hawaiʻi to laugh.

"What?" Brittany asked, looking towards Hawaiʻi, who just waved her hand dismissively.

"Don't worry about it. You just remind me of my family." Hawaiʻi explained.

"I can't tell if that's a compliment or an insult," Britanny commented. Hawaiʻi shrugged.

"Neither can I. Anyways, are you guys down for it? I...I miss being able to interact with people outside of my families." Hawaiʻi.

"Sounds fun. And maybe I'll get yelled at less for setting things on fire." Wales said, causing his daughter to give him an exasperated look.

"I'm only looking because someone has to supervise all of you." Celtic League commented.

"I thought we decided that Malta's job was to do that. Also, you are a literal child," Brittany said.

"And yet I'm more mature."

"That's because you haven't been relentlessly traumatized yet. Give it time."

"Fuck you."

"You know what, maybe burning down your house wasn't an accident."

"TAD I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!"