Star Wars One-Shots

I Serve Only You

That he would walk away again while Vader cried for him. (Like Vader would have done last time, he had been able to get the words out.)

And he'd still wanted to find him. But now – a sudden fear twists inside of him, rising, all consuming.

"Yes, my master."

"Curious how the machines had a small malfunction," Sidious muses, and Vader feels the sudden pressure of the Force against his throat.

He can't breathe.

And it's not just because of the panic suddenly clawing at him, because he can feel how angry Sidious is, and it's worse that he's not outwardly showing it. That's always so much worse.

Sidious turns away, one of his hands curled in the far too familiar gesture as he slowly moves around the operating table Vader is still lying on, somewhere out of his view. "It appeared that there was some Force usage in that malfunction. Strange, isn't it?" he ponders.

As though Vader even has the breath to reply.

He didn't want to die like this. Not after Jabi'im. Never again.

The image of Obi-Wan going for his chest plate spirals through his mind, of – of spending all that time struggling in vain to breath, and now he can't – he can't –

His mind feels foggy, hazy, and the pressure suddenly disappears, leaving him gasping – more like his respirator working overtime in an effort to catch up.

"Still, your thoughts dwell on Kenobi," Sidious hisses, abruptly circling around to stop in front of him, hovering over him.

Vader flinches back, fear engulfing him whole. "If your past cannot be overcome..." he had said, and he didn't know or want to know what that would mean. Vader knows he can't lie, either. And whatever he has to say, he needs to say it quickly. It's hard, because these questions are always so full of word-traps, and he has to answer it just right. It's worse that Sidious is furious, and –

"He is still a risk to the Empire, my master," Vader replies.

Apparently, that was definitely the wrong thing to say, because Sidious' expression only darkens further – in truth, Vader doesn't think there's anything he could have said that would make his master calm down right now. He's furious, and until he punishes him for it, he isn't going to calm down. There's no way out of it, but that does little to stop the fear clawing at him.

His master's dark presence slams against his shields, clawing at his mind, and he lowers them instinctively, knowing better than to resist. There's nothing, nothing he can hide from his master if Sidious truly wants to know. That's how it is. That's how it's always been. No matter what, he always knows.

All he still wants and craves for his death, but his master won't allow him even that. And that means his only choice is to keep living, to face the constant agony of his normal existence, because even death is denied to him now.

If he wants it ever again, he'll have to go about it... differently. And he shouldn't even be considering it. Not here and now, anyway. Sidious knows his every thought his every desire and intention. Always.

He can feel Sidious clawing through his mind, ripping up the memory of his last fight with Obi-Wan.

"Anakin."

"Anakin is gone. I am what remains."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Anakin. For all of it."

"I'm not your failure, Obi-Wan. You didn't kill Anakin Skywalker. I did. The same way I will destroy you."