Star Wars One-Shots

Darth Vader Reads Fanfiction

Author's Note: This is supposed to be humor, so no offence intended to anyone who's a fan of the ships talked about here. Also, these are Vader's views, not necessarily ours. :)

~ Tirana Sorki

We have finished a second tribute for Vader on our YT channel. Check it out if you're interested. :P No spaces in the link: youtu . be / TrRylvLR0fE

~ Amina Gila

In which Vader ends up on Earth and sees things that authors in the Star Wars fandom have written.

The technology on this planet is literally from hundreds of thousands of years ago, and Darth Vader has no idea where these scrap piles were even pulled from. And to think they actually consider this technology advanced. What kind of backwater world has he even stumbled upon?

Yet this place seems to somehow have knowledge of the future, though they claim it all really happened 'a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away' or something equally ridiculous. If that were true, how is he here? It puts this planet's technology to shame even more if they think that of the rest of the galaxy was from 'a long time ago'.

He still can hardly believe that he has two children. As soon as he can get off the planet, he'll go find them. It's obvious Padme didn't die like Palpatine claimed. His next order of business is to hunt down Sidious and take over the Empire, because despite whatever these so-called movies of the planet claim, he could never 'turn back'. Nothing could ever redeem him. It just won't happen, so he doesn't understand why so many people seem convinced it could have.

Vader doesn't know how much longer he'll be here, so he continues reading through all of the information on the so-called "fictional" universe that he actually lives in. The more he knows about what the future can bring, and about all of Sidious' secrets, the better.

It's while he's in the middle of researching various things mentioned in a Wookiepedia article – what kind of dictionary name is that in the first place? -- he stumbles upon a certain website. Fanfiction.net.

So naturally, he decides to investigate. Apparently, he's from the galaxy this backwards planet knows of as 'Star Wars'. Even more interestingly, he has thousands -- or millions? -- of fans. Who knew? And all of them know what he's done, not the just the picture the holonet likes to paint of him and the Empire. This place seems even more messed up than he originally thought.

As he scrolls through the list of recent Star Wars fanfics, he stops as his eyes fall on something about himself and Padme. Their names are in brackets for whatever reason, and the plot says something about her surviving Mustafar. He decides to skim through it, and it doesn't take him long to realize what the brackets are supposed to mean. Well, if only life could actually be rewritten so simply, because his angel is gone and all the fanfics in the world that say otherwise are not going to change that.

He continues browsing through the website until he sees something extremely unexpected. The story is marked [Ahsoka T., Captain Rex]. Wait. What? Was that marked wrong? Suddenly feeling distinctly wary, he checks out the story just to make sure a mistake wasn't made.

Wait a minute. Did the author actually make him -- Anakin, rather -- say that it's the best thing he's ever heard? If someone wants to write a story about him, at least they should take the time to make him sound like himself.

People actually believe there is some chance that someone as reserved and to-the-book as Rex could possibly have feelings for his commander? Not to mention that the said commander is just a little girl, who he's just growing older and older from every day? Rex, the head of the 501st, who adopted Ahsoka as their own little sister? Back in those days, Rex was his brother and Ahsoka was his little sister, sometimes more like a daughter. How could any idiot believe he could possibly agree for his own siblings to get married? What kind of nonsense is this?! Besides, by the time Ahsoka actually reaches such an age, Rex would be well into his thirties if not forty.