Behind The Church

XI

Kate

So, Tina has had a surprisingly quick and healthy recovery. She was shot in the stomach and had some head injuries. She shocked the doctors when she got up and started walking around with ease, she was able to be discharged about a month after surgery.

However, she's not impressing her new therapist. She goes for weekly sessions now and comes back drained of energy and eyes puffed. All she wants to do is cuddle with me and the girls. My Mammy is taking good care of her when I'm not there.

I sit in the living room, scrolling through my phone, waiting for Mammy to bring my girlfriend back from therapy. I do wonder about what she tells the therapist. She never keeps me in on what goes down but I can't push her to, they're obviously things that I mustn't know.

Ever since her dad has been arrested, there's been this... Sense of relief in her eyes. You can tell its lifted a weight off of her shoulders but she still has to live with the trauma of it all. He made a mess and left her to clean it up, not right.

"Kate?" I hear Mammy call.

"Oh, hi. I didn't realise you had come home." I smile as I heave myself off of the sofa to greet Mammy and Tina.

"You were pretty zoned out." Mammy tells me.

"Yeah, just got a lot on my mind." I reply as I kiss my girlfriend and pull her into my arms.

She's still unhealthily small. I'm about five foot, nine inches, and she stands at about five foot, five inches. And no, she can't be this short because Esther is taller than her, only by an inch or two but she's currently the smallest teenage girl in her family.

"I need to take to you." Tina whispers into my ear. I nod and let her lead the way to our room. She sits down on the bed and I next to her, watching her knee bounce up and down. I place my hand on her back to let her know I'm here for her. She takes a shaky breath in.

"I've been having thoughts of... Killing myself." she admits.

"Oh."

"And I have been harming myself."

I was not expecting that. Suicide? God, what would I do without her? What if she had taken her own life and I didn't do anything about it? I haven't even tried.

"I'm sorry for putting through everything you have had to endure. And if you want me to leave, just say so. I'll do it."

"No, don't leave." I beg. I take her hand in mine and scoot closer to her.

"It's not your fault, Tina. And I don't care about what I went through, I'm just glad that in the end, I have you. But please, tell me when you're having a thought like that. I can't let you go."

"That's what my therapist said. That I should tell someone when I am. But it's hard."

"It will be, but it's necessary. You're strong enough, Tina. I believe in you. Always have, always will."

I pull her in for another hug. Tears slip silently from my eyes and I hold her tighter.

"I just don't wanna lose you." I tell her. I feel her arms tighten around me and her body shake as she cries. We sit there, a crying mess on our bed.

---------------------------

"Come on, Tina. Dinner is ready." I encourage her as I stretch my body out. We had a nice nap together after we cried.

She nods her head and stretches too. Once arms fall to her sides, she looks at me with the most love in her eyes I've ever seen.

"Thank you for not pushing me away." she tells me.

"Hey, you shouldn't thank me. I'm not gonna leave you. You're stuck with me." I reply as I take her hand.

"I love you." she says with a small yet insanely cute smile on her face.

"I love you, too."

She reaches up to kiss me, "You're so tall."

"Just grow a little bit more." I grin.

She playfully rolls her eyes as we make our way downstairs for dinner.

I'm so glad that she can find the good in life.