Reflection

One

They say in the end we always pay for our sins, that when we reach those pearly gates and judgement falls that we will repent for our ways and justice will be served. That by only believing in HIS sacrifice are we truly ever saved. But... what if you are the sin itself... what if your very existence was a sin... an abomination stained onto the fabric of the world with no say nor choice of your own. An anomaly placed within the hands of the ignorant to wield as their weapon of choice. A damned creation in search of a salvation that will never be your own. What if... despite your beliefs... you could never be saved...

Namjoon liked to believe that maybe, maybe someday, he too could be saved. That God would forgive him of his existence, purge him of his fate damned onto this world, and end the suffering of not only him but of the many that had been and will continue to be doomed by his hand. To end the life he hadn't created. But... no prayers of death were answered... and with each waking morning, with the light streaming into his eyes from beneath the bars of his cage, he wished he had never been born.

His life had not always been like this, he had once been happy, living a normal life with his parents and younger sister within the mountains. He had been a child back then, an ordinary one who helped his mother with baking and picked flowers by the riverbed in spring. One who had only seen the world through the landscapes of his backyard of which he and his sister never left. Who played with butterflies and wished upon the cottony buds of dandelions. But, that was long ago. That person no longer existed, if they ever truly had. For him, it could have all been a dream. A fairy tail crafted by his mind in order to create even a semblance of light in his dark world. The mind was a funny thing after all. He wouldn't be surprised if that's all it was, dreams rather than memories.

So he sat there, chains wrapped around his wrists, ankles and neck, locked within a crate sized cell as nude as the day he was born, and a look of nothingness in his eyes. His blood stained calloused hands rested on his knees, the same knees that touched his scarred chest, as he continued to watch the rain splatter against the soggy ground in heavy drops. It did not pelt against him, his Masters having the courtesy to keep his pen beneath an awning but not enough to bring their pet out from the storm. Part of him wished that the storm would worsen, that it would flood the fields around him and wash him away, give him no choice but to drown. But that was wishful thinking. They were lucky to get even an inch of rain at best during the worst parts of the year, a flood would take a miracle.

A rat scurried past him, the tiny creature pausing to stare at the bound man, its whiskers twitching as it surveyed him before running away. The small rodent being a reminder of the freedom he would never again taste. His stomach rumbled and he wondered if they would remember to bring him his meal today, or if they planned to starve him till their next task, making the monster inside of him feral in the wake of blood. He could hear twigs snapping and the sound of boots crunching against the soggy grass, a small part of him grateful that they were coming for him despite the circumstances of his situation. That he wouldn't be forced to unleash the devil onto the innocent like he had so many times in the past.

More footsteps began to approach, followed by the sounds of a scuffle, his sensitive ears picking up the distinct noises of a person being dragged through the mud as they thrashed against another's hold. The person smelled of blood, and lots of it, as if they had freshly been beaten or butchered. Knowing his Master, the person most likely had. He knew why they were bringing the person out here, in the rain towards his prison. They were bringing him a meal, and a fresh one at that. If he was allowed, he would try to make it quick.

A man with long limbs and olive skin was brought before him, blood was seeping from various wounds littered along his exposed chest and there was an ominous gash along the top of his scalp. The man had big eyes, big ears and a prominent jaw. One of the more handsome people that Namjoon had ever seen. He didn't recognize him, so the person wasn't one of his Masters associates, he could be an enemy but his skin appeared to soft for the type of work that his Master dabbled in. For a moment his eyes meet with the mystery man's, his deep brown orbs round and filled with fear as he took in his bound form. But Namjoon felt it, there was something in the man's eyes that shook him to his core. They continued to stare at each other, their eyes locked to one another as the man thrashed and fought to get out of Namjoon's Master's hold. The man could have had any of his minions do his dirty work, keeping his hands relatively clean among the filthiness of his work, but he preferred to do the damage himself. He enjoyed to revel in the nastiness of the world, embracing the darkness full on as he sullied his hands. His Master had a firm grip in the man's dyed locks, the blonde strands crushed beneath his meaty fingers, the hairs tangling with every twist of his wrist from shaking the poor man in his hold. Blood began to seep into the man's eyes from his fighting and they broke from their trance. Whatever spell Namjoon had been entranced in shattered as the lock on his cell was opened.

"Have a little snack for you pet," His Master threw the trembling man to the ground, mud caking his exposed skin and a wail punching from his lungs as his Master stomped at the mans head with his boot. Namjoon knew very well how those boots felt and wasn't surprised that the man stilled, the only fight left being a well aimed glare to the man above him and a twitch of his fingers digging into the dirt. The chains, all but the one wrapped around his throat, were removed and his Master dragged him harshly from the cell. "Enjoy your feast monster," Namjoon was thrown towards the ground, his arms barely catching him before he face planted into the dirt. His Master's laugh echoing in his ears as he made his way back into his home, the man leaving his pet with his food and seeing no reason to wait and see if he would obey. Namjoon always did, so why should he think he wouldn't. He had never disappointed him before so why would he start now.

Namjoon reached out for the trembling man, fully intent to do as he was told and feed as he was ordered, when the man slapped his hand away. "Please," his voice was rusty from disuse, it coming out no more than a croak as he spoke, "Do not fight. I promise to make this quick."

"Not," the man swatted at him again but was not stronger than the creature before him, Namjoon easily exposing his throat to his gaze.

"I'm sorry, it will be over soon," Namjoon had every thought to bite into him, to maybe snap the man's neck and seize his attempts to struggle. But, just as he touched his throat to end him, the man grabbed his chafed wrist. His grip stronger then he initially believed, especially given his current state. "Please let go, accept your fate."

"Never," the man's voice was deep and filled with venom, "I refuse to die here... Not like this... Not here... Not by you..." He didn't remove his hand from Namjoon's wrist, but his whole body trembled as he tried to push himself up.

"Why fight, you have already lost."

The man laughed, his voice breathy and beautiful. His expression filled with peace even as his eyes looked at Namjoon with a determination he had only seen once before, images of the past flashing through his mind, images of a time that he wasn't even sure existed. Let alone if they belonged to him or not. The look in the man's eyes made him freeze, his palm hovering over the other's throat and heart lodged deeply in his own. He couldn't take his eyes away from the others. Once more trapped within his gaze. "What is your name?" He didn't know why he asked it. Didn't even know why he was bothering to listen to what the man was saying. Why he hadn't killed him yet. But, there was something about him. "Please tell me."

"Taehyung, my name is Taehyung. Yours pet?"

"Namjoon," It had been so long since he had told anyone his name, since he had heard it uttered by even himself that it felt foreign to his ears.

"I will be leaving now Namjoon," with that Taehyung pushed himself up, Namjoon's hand falling from his neck uselessly towards his bare thigh as he watched him stumble away. Unable to move even if he wanted to. The chain around his neck keeping him from making chase, but knowing that he still wouldn't even if it wasn't there. Watching Taehyung disappear away from Namjoon, much like the mouse had moments before..