Into deception

Aquatinted before

"Mama" I say into the water but there's no noise, my voice doesn't exist down here.

It's doesn't take long for me to start swallowing the thick liquid myself, at first it's not even my fault it's like my lungs inhaled all by themselves. I don't understand what's going on, I can't tell if I'm drowning or if I'm okay, but after the second time of breathing in I know exactly what's happening. I'm terrified, I feel things slide down my throat just burning and scratching it's way into me- I turn to my mom trying to grab hold of her- I'm so scared, I just want my mom- but my belt is stuck and I just can't get to her-

— — — —

I gasp awake only this time I just lay there.

"You mean to tell me you've never hurt her?"

"No" he pants out "not physically at least, not on purpose"

There's silence for a little while till she speaks again "I could make you, you know, hurt her I mean"

"I'd cut both of my arms off before letting that happen"

"Oh don't be dramatic, plus you wouldn't know you were doing it" she giggles as Nicholas grows quiet.

My muscles clench again, I'm on fire-

— — — —

I'm spinning and it's when I feel the wind swirl with me that I panic.

"Its okay love, you're okay" he whispers and I feel his hand clasp mine softly, I feel the other grasp my waist and I grow confused. I look down seeing him in a suit and me, well I'm in a dress.

"Nicholas?" I ask glancing up at his eyes, i want to cry.

"Shhh" he pulls me closer swaying us both to the music "everything's okay"

"Don't say that, you can say that not when this isn't real-"

"But we're here now, together, aren't we?"

I breath out trying to blink away the tears "this isn't real" I shake my head against his chest, he pulls back at this wiping my cheek and I shudder.

"Does this not feel real?"

My tear filled eyes do nothing to help me pull myself together "it doesn't matter" I shake my head tightening my grip onto him "I know it isn't"

"Then why are you holding me so close"

"Because I'll take this over reality right now"

He smiles looking down at me "that bad?"

I chuckle at this "you have no idea" I sniffle rubbing my wet eyes.

"You want to tell me about it?"

"I do, more than anything I do but I can't stay here, not when you're out there in pain"

"I'll be fine, I'm more worried about you"

I frown "why?"

"My love your body wasn't meant to handle this much stress, and right now your reaching your limit"

"I don't know how to get out of this"

This time he stops swaying us, his hands trail past my arms and to my face, cupping me in his hands like I'm used to "do you trust me?"

That's a stupid question "more than anyone"

He nods at this "then let it destroy you, don't fight it"

I would've stumbled back if it wasn't for the fact he was holding me, he would never say that to me, never. As much as I would love to tell him that I can't, not when he's completely gone-

— — — —

My hands slam onto the glass floor as I jump awake, it takes me a moment to understand the fact I'm actually awake and not hallucinating but when I do my head turns over to Nicholas-

The door is open, why is the door open. Nicholas is no longer chained and I trace over the smeared blood that's all over him and the floor. He's like a blur, one moment he's there and the next he's on the opposite side breaking a man's jaw with one swing, a whip snaps at his bare back ripping his bruised skin open, it's then when he turns around that the man drops it and begins to run but Nicholas has already caught up to him, he picks the man up slamming him onto his back before pushing his head down onto the floor with so much force that it caves in.

It all becomes a blur once again but one thing I know more than anything else is the feeling of dying, it's because I know it so well that I know I'm slipping away. I can feel it in my limbs, the way my muscles aren't responding to me anymore, the way I don't control my breathing anymore, it's clear as day what's happening.

"Let it destroy you, don't fight it" his words keep playing in my head and as much as I hate it I find myself allowing the terrifying feeling to spread along my bones all the way to my heart.

I don't mind dying, it's the fact I can't save him that I hate-

.

(Just a quick note, Mia's flashbacks are brought through traumatic experiences, hence the worst parts of her life being shoved right back into her again.
I wrote before or at least i made it clear that she's been raped multiple times, the reason those flashes are not there is because I didn't want to write it, for many reasons, one being that I didn't want to hurt anyone that has gone through something like that and two being that I didn't feel comfortable writing such things in detail, not when I have no idea what it's like to go through something as traumatic and so I won't sit her and pretend to. No shade to any authors out there who have written about it this is just my own choice towards this.)