Into deception

Train tracks

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He stops moving closer the second I fall back, his hand retreating slow but what I can't help notice is the pain that slices though his whole face. There's no hiding it.

"You're bleeding I just-" His eyes flicker as he finds the right words to say.

But I don't need his help. Where the fuck did he think I wanted it, I guess he read right past my thoughts because he nods to himself,  sighing slightly "just take this at least, it's pretty deep"

I look away from him as he takes something out of his pocket, not only have I been in the same room with him for longer than I ever have but now he wants to be kind, friendly. I mean seriously what the fuck.

"Mia"

God, I swear all I want to do is turn around and scream at him, I don't need words or a moment, I just want to scream.

"I'm not going to stop until you take it"

My options here are a few but the one I'm itching for the most is to just kill him here, right here.

"Or I can tie you down and help you anyways the choice is yours"

My head spins on its own as he says this and I can only imagine the satisfaction he just got from gaining my attention. I look at him, still not moving to take the little white handkerchief he's trying to give me. It's not like I'm purposely challenging him to back his words up but a part of me wants to see if he would be so stupid as to try. Does he not know what I would do to him if he did, does he not know I've been waiting for a moment like this, or does he just not care?

"That glare in your eyes, I've seen it before Amore" He smiles at me, not in a dick kind of way but in an admiring way, like the murder in my eyes is something he has come to fall in love with type of way.

Me on the other hand, I'm still processing what he just called me. It hurts. I won't even begin to lie about it because even if I wanted to I couldn't, not with the way my chest is caving in, not with the way my eyes feel like they're burning and surely not with the way I want to die.

"I didn't mean-" He begins to say but I take the handkerchief stopping him from saying anything else, my fingers brush against his as I take the soft silk and I swear it felt like a brush of fire sweep through my fingertips all the way past my arm. My eyes meet his and I know he felt it too, I just know.

"Boss we're all good but we should get going"

But we stay still for a moment too long, a moment that felt like an eternity. An eternity of painfully sweet bliss that we both stay afloat upon because that's how it feels being next to him. To meet his gaze, to smell him from the other side of the room, to remember how soft his touch really is.

It's haunting.

He's haunting.

I break away first, I had to otherwise my body would've drowned itself in the pool of green that stared back just as deep. I hear his body shuffle just behind me as we walk down the three little steps to Will and Ray who are gazing at us with just as much as emotions as I'm drowning in. But I keep my eyes planted on anything, anything and everything but them and yet I feel everything I avoid seeing. I feel every inch of their thoughts.

As I step out of the casino the wind hits my skin and it feels like a reward. Like the wind felt sorry for me, like it felt the flames dancing on my skin and wanted to help put it out, give me a break. In that moment I whispered a thank you, a silent one that only me and her would be able to hear, our own little secret. One day I'll look at him and see through him, one day I'll touch him and not feel my atoms ignite, one day I'll stop dreaming about him and on that day I'll die. But that death will kill something that is hurting me, for once it will be on my side but before that day ever comes I need to make peace with the pain that chokes at me every time I see him. I need to learn.