Her

Chapter 19

I didn't give him any time to speak. Instead, I ran out of the room, down the stairs, I left the house as fast as I could. I was outside, on the front lawn, crying. Why is my life such a sad movie? I swear, whenever something good is happening for me, the Devil makes sure it's all just pretend. I don't deserve anything good in life. I don't deserve to be loved by anyone. It was all a lie.

I grabbed my phone, the bright screen was hard to see through my tears. They flowed out like oceans, I don't think I've ever cried so much. He doesn't fucking love me. He never did. I thought he was different, I thought he really saw who I was. He broke me beyond repair. He picked up the broken pieces of me, molded them back together, just to smash it on the fucking floor all over again.

I immediately blocked him, I deleted every picture we had, I removed him from my life. It happened so fast. I came to the conclusion that happiness is not meant for me. The Devil sends me all these people to throw me off track and keep me broken. 

There was a tap on my shoulder. I was about to freak out if it was Aiden, but it was someone even more shocking: Cindy. She looked so worried when she saw my face. 

"Are you okay?" She asked me. "That was stupid. I shouldn't have asked that. I know you're not."

I just cried more, I didn't want to speak. I was done. I began to blame myself. Maybe I should've just stayed friends with him, because feelings always ruin everything. Now everything we ever had was broken.

"I'm so sorry, Stella." She pulled me into a hug. I just hugged her back. Any animosity I had towards her dissolved as I cried. She hasn't been here for me in years, but she's here now.

She took me back to her place and we just talked. About everything. Of course, I left Elena out of the whole equation. I left out details of our kiss we shared, and the rumors spread around. Obviously, Cindy heard them. But she didn't say anything to me. 

That night, Cindy became a friend of mine again. We weren't best friends anymore, but what we had now was important to me, and better than nothing at all. 

A few days pass, and I'm back at school. I took a day off to deal with my feelings, and so I didn't have to face Aiden. But it was time to go back now I guess. I looked like a mess. My hair was frizzy, I had no makeup on, I wore sweatpants. I got stared at in the hallway, probably being gossiped about too. I was so done with everything. With school, with life. Maybe things would be better if I was dead, and I didn't have to live in this nightmare anymore. I was shocked, myself, because I never knew I'd have those thoughts. But I do now. My life was slowly slipping away from me. I hated everything. 

Cindy told me she would be there for me if I needed to talk. I was grateful for that, except I didn't want to talk anymore. I wanted to be alone. All those times I was alone and crying, no one was there for me. Why would I want it now?

Lunch arrived, and I sat alone. Usually, it was Aiden and I. We sat at a table together, laughing and joking. Telling stories. Talking about our day. Suddenly, those memories faded as I looked across from me and Aiden wasn't there. I was back to the beginning; all alone.

I looked up and saw him, Aiden, walking towards me. He had a hoodie on and looked like a disaster. He was so attractive, even when he was at his worst. Dark rings rested under his eyes, he must not have slept much. I don't care how bad he hurts now, he doesn't have a right. He hurt ME. I wanted to scream at him to go away, but I didn't want to cause a scene. I just looked away.

"Stella," He spoke. "Please talk to me. I'm sorry." 

"I don't care." I replied, and I meant it. "You did what you wanted."

"I was drunk. I don't know. I've never been in a serious relationship before. Shit got out of hand. But I care about you so much. You can dump me, but please don't erase me from your life." He pleaded. I've never seen him so serious.

"You broke me." I said. He did. He broke me. I've never been in a relationship before, but I felt like I was on top of the world. I was so happy. It was all fake. 

We talked, up until the bell rang. He kept begging me to forgive him. I was numb and I didn't feel anything. He offered his friendship; he wanted to start over as friends again, just friends. He wants us to try this relationship stuff again in the future when we're both ready. I wasn't sure what to think. I've never had anyone in my life try so hard to apologize. I guess he does care, in a way. 

I told him I'll think about it, but I wasn't sure. I was damaged, but having him as a friend again sparked my interest. Keeping it platonic and simple again, before involving any feelings was better for us. I really cared about him a lot. 

Some time passed, and eventually we were back to our friendship. It still hurts, from time to time. I tried my best to remove any and all romantic feelings for him. Sometimes I want to kiss him, but then I have to hold back because I remembered we were just friends. It was difficult, but I wanted him to stay in my life. 

One day, Cindy invited me to a "girl's night" which surprised the hell out of me. I didn't think I was that important or special enough to go out. I think it's mostly because she feels bad for me. It was me, her, and two other girls. I haven't seen or heard of Elena in a long time. Part of me wanted so desperately to ask Cindy about her, but I held back. I can't ruin our rekindled friendship over her again. But seriously, where has she been?

We all met at Cindy's house, and she gave me a makeover. My hair looked beautiful and wavy, I had gorgeous makeup, and I wore a short black dress, not too dressy but sexy and simple. I felt so much better, I looked better. The four of us looked like runway models. Cindy snapped a picture of us and posted it on Facebook. I felt special to be included. I was a whole new person.

Cindy's two other friends were in their younger twenties, and they were able to get us into an exclusive club. This has to be some kind of movie. How are we allowed to go into a club? Drinks were handed to us. We all cheered and downed our drinks. I was laughing and having a great time. Any shit I was going through currently didn't exist. I was in the moment.