Giving in... Or giving up...

Chapter 65

"A little to the left..." I said as Charlie and Oliver were helping me to put all the furniture in place... Oliver was Charlie's buddy... He worked for Charlie, and he was called in by Charlie to help me move in. My furniture had been delivered yesterday and i could finally start to put everything in place and start to make it my own... A crew was working outside on the exterior of the house so the house would be all done and i wouldn't have people walking around once the baby was born... I was now 30 weeks pregnant and ready to just relax and prepare for welcoming my little girl into the world...

The doorbell rang and i excused myself to let the crew that was going to install the security system in... The were going to put up cameras outside and a home alarm... It maybe was not needed in this little town but still i would feel saver with it... I had even thought about getting a dog... But with a baby and having to do it on my own i decided against it... For now... 

"Is this where you want it...?" Charlie asked as i walked back into the living room and i smiled and nodded... They were so patient with me as i couldn't seem to make up my mind sometimes... "Are you sure?" He asked with a smirk on his face and i laughed and nodded again... "Yes..." I said and they went to get something else... I looked around and smiled... It was finally coming together... "We are almost settled in little one..." I whispered rubbing my belly... 

The nursery had been put together first... I wanted to have that done first so i didn't have to worry about that anymore and i could just relax... After a few more hours the big things were in its place... They were now in my bedroom assembling my bed... I ordered them some pizza and got them a beer... Charlie's wife Rose came by, and she smiled looking around... "I am coming to help you clean tomorrow together with Dotty..." She said and i smiled... "I dont know what i would do without you guys..." I say blushing and Rose hugged me... 

Rose and Dotty were the only ones who knew who my baby's dad was... To my surprise they didn't freak out... They just listened when i told them everything... I had told Dotty a lot already but never his name... But it was such a weight off my shoulders when i finally did... They promised to keep it to themselves because they understood the circus it would unleash when it would come out... 

But as i got further into the pregnancy doubt started to set in... Fear and doubt about doing this alone... I know i had help from Rose, Dotty and Charlie and all the other sweet people in this town... But still was i wrong for depriving my little girl of a father... Was i being selfish... Should i at least give him a chance to be a dad to our little girl... Put my own hurt aside so she could have a father even if he was not around all the time... 

I walk towards the kitchen to get the guys another beer and i sigh... "You okay?" Rose said following me and i sigh and shrug my shoulders... "Just doubting myself sometimes..." I mumble and she sighs... "Am i wrong for not giving him a chance to be a dad...?" I whisper and Rose sighs again... "I dont know... I dont think you are wrong for keeping him at arm's length as long as you are pregnant... You can't use the stress right now..." She says and i sigh again...

"I guess... But you know what the stupidest thing is... The night before he left us... He held me and all i could think is that i felt save... My body relaxed... Maybe i should have given him some slack... He was in shock just found out he was going to be a dad... I mean even i needed a week or so to wrap my head around it..." I mumble... "Yeah but you knew and accepted you were going to a mother as soon as you saw your baby on the ultrasound..." She says and i take a deep breath and smile... "That's true... I just feel so guilty sometimes... He never seen the ultrasound... All he has seen is the bump... He hasn't even touched it... He hasn't felt her kick... Or whatnot..." I mumble and Rose hugged me again... 

"Does he ask for it... Does he ask for you to send him a picture...?" She asks and i look at her and shake my head... "He only asked how i am doing... How the baby is doing...  That he wants it now... But how do i know he won't run again... I can't let her become attached to him only for him to run out on her when it gets tough again... He hurt me... Fine... I am an adult and i can deal with it... But my little girl would not understand, and she would only be hurt..." I whisper and Rose looks at me just listening to my rant... "Ugh i have to stop this... I told him i would call when she was born, and we would see from there..." I mumble and she smiles... 

"And yet you would really want him here to comfort you...Because deep down you know you still love him... You miss him and that is okay..." She says and i look at her as the tears start to come and she hugs me again...

"Ms. Kent..." We hear and i look up wiping my tears away... "We are done with the alarm system and all the cameras are set up..." He says a little awkwardly and i smiled... He handed me a tablet and started to explain everything... He handed me a card i case i had any questions before he left and i sighed... Yet another thing off my list was done... 

After i had said goodbye to Charlie, Rose and Oliver i went to the little house and crawled into bed absolutely exhausted...