Giving in... Or giving up...

Chapter 53

I am sitting in the diner playing with my food letting out a sigh... I have ordered their burger every time i had been here... I loved it but now it smells off... It doesn't smell right and when i took a bite it took everything in me to not gag or run to the toilet to throw up... 

"Everything okay with your food sweetheart?" The elderly waitress says and i look up at her and give her a little smile... She had been the only one who would speak to me from day one and although i knew she probably did it for the tip i thought it was nice... She was sweet... She was a motherly type... She just radiates love... "Yeah, it is good... I am the problem it doesn't taste the same as it used to... I normally love a good burger and i know these are good but somehow..." I murmur and she smiles... "Do you want me to get you something different?" She asks and i shake my head... I take a sip of my milkshake... I dont know what had gotten into me... Normally i dont like banana flavor but i felt like it all of a sudden. 

"Well at least you like your milkshake..." She said smiling patting my hand that was laying on the counter and i chuckled... "Yeah and that is the weird thing normally i dont even like banana..." I mumble and she looks at me funny... "What?" I ask her... "Sweetheart i am no doctor... But sounds to me you are pregnant? I mean when i was pregnant with my son Charlie i would eat things i normally would not and hate the things i normally love..." She said and i think all the blood drained from my face... "No i am not pregnant...." I said letting out a chuckle putting a smile on my face... I was trying to put on a front because internally i started to panic... I was thinking back in my head when my last period had been... 

I couldn't remember... I could not fucking remember... I finished my milkshake left her a massive tip and walked out to my car... I got behind the wheel and sat there for a while internally panicking... There was a knock on the door making me jump... The waitress was standing at the driver's door and smiled at me and i rolled down the window... "Here..." She said handing me a brown paper bag with a soft smile on her face... "Just to make sure..." She whispered and i looked at her confused but hesitantly took the bag... She gave me another small smile and went back inside again. I looked into the paper bag and tears were coming to my eyes... In the bag was a box with pregnancy tests... I chuckled at the sweet and kind gesture... Got to love little town life...

I took a deep breath and started the car and drove back to the house... I walked straight in and to the bathroom... I couldn't be pregnant... I am on birth control... "God why didn't we use more protection..." I scold myself but i know it is no use now... I needed to be sure first and then panic... I take a deep breath and take out one of the tests reading the instructions... I groan when i read i have to wait 3 minutes for the results knowing it will be 3 minutes in hell... 

I take the test putting it on the counter as i watch it with the timer next to it... But my heart sinks when not even a minute and a half in the lines start to form and i check again and again if i am reading it right... "Pregnant..." I mumble... Tears start to come as i dont know how to feel... "This can't be happening... What am i going to do now..." I whisper to myself sitting down on the edge of the tub... 

 All of a sudden i start to feel sick and i run over to the toilet and throw up seeing the bite i had of my burger and the banana milkshake come back up. I groan as i think about all the times i have thrown up thinking it was just from being hurt and miserable... Thinking i was just sick of heartbreak... What am i going to do... Am i going to keep the baby? Am i going to have an abortion... Am i ready to become a mother... I mean it was not something i had planned on so soon... Let alone that i was planning on doing it alone... Oh god Chris... Do i need to tell him? I shake my head... No as long as i dont know what i am going to do i will not tell him... If i decide on an abortion he didn't need to know... 

I sigh and stand up feeling absolutely confused and overwhelmed... God could i do this? Was i fit to be a mom... Could i do this alone... All of a sudden i started to wonder... What if it is a false positive... I take another test out of the box and take it again but with the same results... 

"Yep, i am pregnant alright..." I mumble and groan... I walk back into the living room and drop myself on the couch... I need to see a doctor... The nearest hospital was a few hours away but there was a little clinic with a general doctor... I grab my phone and google him and i find a phone number... I take a deep breath and call the clinic asking if it was possible as a temporary resident of this town to make an appointment... The lady on the other end of the phone was very friendly and told me it was no problem and to just come by... They didn't do appointments... Apparently people in this town just went and waited their turn...