✓ sweetheart. [jake]

twenty-one

How long has it been?

I lost track of time.

As I was seated alone on a machine, chemotherapy was it, right?

Why is it cold...?

It's not unusual.

Is it the air? the AC temperature?

or it's me?

Why am I getting weaker.

I felt like I had no energy left on my body.

"Am I slowly dying ?" Aein said to herself, as her eyes stuck on the window outside. Staring nothing but silently watching as the birds fly freely on the air.

It's been a week. Surely, times flies quicker as we do nothing, as we less care about the world– as we were closer to death.

Aein's hair starts to slowly fall off her head. Her body is getting a lot more skinnier, as being sick makes her lose her weight way too fast and a lot. It was affected by her loss of appetite in foods.

It's has only been a week, yet the effect of chemotherapy already does a lot to her. Surely, she's weaker as it was the fatigue and nausea feelings she had, and again, it was affected by the chemo.

Other than being extremely ill by her cancer, she is lowkey ill by lovesickness. She misses Jake so much that she wants to see him, cuddle him, and be wrapped into his warm hug. They hadn't been talking as he meant that he's really busy.

But she was wishing for him to have a minute to talk to her. This relationship is new to her. She doesn't really understand how couples work. Jake is her first love, and she does anything to keep this relationship.

This is all she ever wants, a relationship with someone she truly loves. The one she could spend her time and forevermore with. The one where she could date after marriage as she preferred that way than date before marriage.

Is it too early that she love Jake even though they didn't have that much conversation ? Is it too early for her to love Jake even when he didn't know her that much ? is it too early for her to love Jake when they aren't even together at the moment ?

it's too early, right?

She plan a lot in their relationship. Like where to go on dates, and how long she wanted to spend time with him as she remembered his promise. She wanted everything to be special and memorable.

She wants to love Jake.

So much, so bad.

But it's hurts her to be back to her reality.

Why do I plan a lot ? when it's only gonna hurt him and myself ?

She know she can't be with him even when she was so happy that she is finally in relationship with someone, even when she is so happy to plan out a dates, even when she is going to marry him and be his wife.

She can't.

She hates how her happiness could ruin before it actually happened. For her, it is fun to daydream as she closes her eyes, feeling the chemo machine on her but painful to be back to her reality as she opens her eyes.

She's in a dilemma.

Is it selfish ? to let him go because I didn't want him to be stuck with me or to let him stay because I wanted him to love me ?

If only she knew this sickness was coming, she probably going to reject Jake's proposal so that she won't hurts him, so that she won't make him sad, so that he'll find someone else instead.

I'm in love, Jake.

With you.

But I can't seem to let you go.

Not now, at least.