Tale Of A Moon

42

2011

I was trying to sleep.

My shift today was so tiring that I wanted to sneak a sleep in. I haven't even changed my clothes from work.

I just feel so tired that I want to visit dreamland.

Pero biglang tumunog ang cellphone ko. Binuksan ko ang mata ko and waited for three seconds or more to answer it.

I don't even have the strength to grab my phone but I managed to grab it and sagutin 'yung tawag. The problem was... I didn't knew who I was talking to.

"Hello po..." sabi ko, politely. Not knowing if it was my peers here in New York or mga kalapit ko sa Pilipinas.

"Po? Why are you so formal? Nakakatakot pagiging magalang mo, Luna!" Someone screamed in my ears.

A smiled managed to break through out my tired lips. Akala ko naman kung sino tumawag sa akin...

"Sorry, 'di ko kasi tinignan yung contact name. Bakit ka napatawag?" masayang tanong ko.

"Well, you know... Tumatanda na tayo and time passes by..."

"Oh?"

"We have to move on to the next stage of our life. Our... because me and Forsythe have decided..."

Napapikit ako. Nararamdaman ko ang mga sumusunod na salita niya pero wag... Wag naman sana...

Please, wag...

Please don't say it. Please.

Please...

"Ano ba 'yun, Anne?" Tumawa ako. "Ang dami mo pang pa-suspense."

Please...

"We have decided to get married!"

She said it.

"Wow..."

I don't want to go.

I'm happy for her but...

They all remind me of him.

I don't think... I'm capable of... entertaining their thoughts yet and their faces.

Kahit isang hangin lang mula sa Pilipinas ay ayaw ko dumampa sa aking balat dahil alam ko na iisipin at maaalala ko kung paano niya ako hawakan noon.

"Punta ka 'a! Next month pa 'yung wedding but, you need to come home early because we need you to attend the dress fitting because you are also my maid of honor," excited na sabi niya.

I could almost see her jumping up and down dahil sa excitement na nararamdaman niya.

While I'm here, wanting to jump of a cliff.

"Pag-iisipin ko muna pwede ba?" Kinagat ko ang labi ko. Kahit hindi niya naman ako bigyan ng oras ay naisip ko na ang desisyon ko.

"Come on now, Luna! Don't bail on me... Ilang taon ka na naming hindi nakita. We're worried for you. But besides that, this is my wedding. You know I've been looking forward to this my entire life.

So please don't bail on me. Simula bata pa lamang tayo, we always promised that we would be there on each other's weddings. So please, please. Come."

"Pero ano kasi, Anne--"

"La, la, la, can't hear your excuses you're in New York. See you in my wedding. Bye! Love you!"

At binaba niya na ang tawag.

Napabuntong hininga ako. Seems like, Anne didn't change for even a bit. Mapilit pa rin siya. Ang gusto niya pa rin ang nasusunod.

I laid completely on the sofa and put my arm at the top of my head. And sighed again. Only this time, this one is heavier and full of my burden.

I love Anne and gusto ko siyang makasama sa kasal niya. Ako rin ang maid of honor niya! That is a big role for someone in a wedding besides the groom and the bride, of course... pero kasi...

Hindi ko kaya.

Ayaw ko pa umuwi.

Wala na akong planong umuwi, sa totoo lang. Pero paano... Wala akong choice kundi umuwi.

Even though that, that whole place has memories of him everywhere.

I've been treating New York, in front of everyone, that is was a good opportunity for my career. But I know. I feel like everyone knows.

Na kahit gahibla ng buhok na 'yan ay walang katotohanan.

Nandito ako dahil gusto kong takasan ang nasa Pilipinas at kung ano ang nasa lupain nun. Tumatakbo ako na parang bata na may kinakatakutan.

I am frightened.

But I'm not a child.

I'm an adult.

I've grown.

When you grow, life has this funny way in finding you and your fears. When you had just seemed to escape them and was about to go away. You must look in the corners.

Kasi, andoon talaga ang mga takot mo at hinding-hindi mo sila natakasan, for just one bit.