i'll admit i loved you - sequel

1.3

Chapter 13

"I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted." The old pier and the under the board walk.
I thought about our last kiss, how it felt, the way you tasted.
It was the best kiss in the world. Your lips tasted of mint-chocolate ice cream. My favorite.
And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine
Dev, Mandy, and Maya say you're alright.
Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though she's right beside you?
Dev told me this morning you have a new girlfriend. So much for coming to see me this week right?
When she says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you?
Remember that song I begged Bart to let me sing. It was about you because I loved you.
Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?
Was it all a joke Cameron? Was I a joke to you? I really loved you. How the fuck are you over it!
'Cause I'm not fine at all
I don't know if I can do this anymore.
I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down my face
You broke up with me the first time and I cried forever. Then I left you.
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
You left everything behind for her, not me!
Like every single wish we ever made
You promised we would grow old together.
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia, and forget about the stupid little things
You were such a mistake Cameron Dallas.
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
You held me like I was your world.
And the memories I never can escape
You never leave my mind Cameron.
'Cause I'm not fine at all
I can't do it.
The pictures that you sent me they're still living in my phone
All the pictures of you and the guys on your vacations.
I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone
Cameron I'm so lost without you.
And all my friends keep asking why I'm not around
From the friends I had before I left asked me everyday why I was gone all the time.
It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on
Why her Cam? How can you just move on when you came back to tell me you loved me?
It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long
When people say your name it kills me inside.
It's like we never happened, was it just a lie?
It was wasn't it?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?
I don't get it Cameron!
'Cause I'm not fine at all
I'm done.
I remember the day you told me you were leaving
March 24th, you were flying out for your moms surprise party.
I remember the make-up running down my face
I cried so hard, you didn't care.
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
You don't care about anything anymore. I don't care about myself anymore.
Like every single wish we ever made
You broke all your promises you asshole.
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
I will.
And forget about the stupid little things
You.
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
It was my favorite thing.
And the memories I never can escape
Everything I do reminds me of you.
If today I woke up with you right beside me
Like all of this was just some twisted dream
Please tell me it's a dream. I never left and you never broke my heart.
I'd hold you closer than I ever did before
I would.
And you'd never slip away
And you'd never hear me say
We'd be together forever, like you promised. I'd never have to say anything.
I remember the day you told me you were leaving
It was 6:30 am at the airport, in front of everyone.
I remember the make-up running down my face
Matt held me and told me it was okay. It wasn't.
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
You don't care about me anymore.
Like every single wish we ever made
Forget about our wishes, they were stupid like our relationship.
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
I probably won't wake up at all.
And forget about the stupid little things
I want the pain to go away.
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
I never want to remember anything.
And the memories I never can escape
I don't want to wake up ever again.
'Cause I'm not fine at all
I just wanna die.
No, I'm really not fine at all
I just want to go.
Tell me this is just a dream
This is reality..
'Cause I'm really not fine at all
I'm never going to wake up again. That's my promise to you Cameron.
______
I sat on my bed finishing this stupid song. I hate living like this, I just want to die. Nobody cares about me anymore, Riley doesn't care. Ryan's just there. The girls never hang out with me.
"I don't ever want to wake up," I whispered to myself.

"I'm gonna do it this time," I whispered again.

"I'm gonna kill myself."

___
Cam's POV:
I watched as Julia sat on her bed through Dev's window. She was singing, then she cried. I knew it was my fault. I came here to tell her I loved her and I chickened out and got a new girlfriend. Who the hell does that! She was talking to herself before she got up and left her room.
"Julia just left in her car," Dev said downstairs.
"She was a mess," Mandy said.
"We can't let her go out like that," Matt yelled.
I jumped out of bed and ran next door. Sitting on her bed was a notebook. I grabbed it as we all pilled into Dev's jeep and raced to follow Julia.
"What's that?" Matt asked referring to the notebook tucked under my arm.
"Nothing," I replied with.

But the word amnesia was burning my arm underneath.