Yes, Masters (Book 2 of Desire's Den)

Chapter 23 - Emma

The night had been restless. 

I couldn't seem to shut my brain off when I went to bed yesterday. The deepest part of me knew that what Oliver had said wasn't true and that he'd only said it to hurt me, but...I had never been one who faced hateful words with my head held high—I was insecure, about myself, about my body, my personality, everything. I had thought I was over most of my insecurities, but it appeared that I wasn't, and I didn't know if I ever would be.

Maybe the insecurities I had about myself would always be there, lurking in the shadows and waiting for a time when I was weak enough to let them in. Maybe it wasn't something I could work on and get rid of completely. And maybe I was okay with that.

Still, that traitorous brain of mine couldn't help but wonder if there was any truth to what Oliver had said.

What was I doing stringing these men around? Three men who could have gotten anyone they wanted. Would they lose interest in me in the long run? 

Would they see my stretchmarks one day and prefer unblemished skin? 

Would they hear my laugh and find it as annoying as I do? 

Would they find my thoughts too weird, too strange? 

Would my insecurities become old and irritate them?

Would they.

Would they.

Would they...?

I guessed time could only tell what the outcome would be. This break of ours could be enough for them to find someone better—to want someone better. But it could also prove Oliver's accusations wrong.

Perhaps, my stalker would never go away, and I would never have the guts to put anyone at risk. That was another thought that wouldn't let go. It circulated in my mind, not always at the forefront, but it was constantly there, in the back of my mind. That was my biggest fear, that not only would I lose my men, but he would still be there, watching, waiting—though I didn't want to know what he was waiting for.

What silenced my thoughts was an unexpected text from Callan as if he knew how much I needed comfort after the day I had.

You're the kind of beautiful that makes me forget anyone else exists. Goodnight, my Bella.

Kevin had called again this morning, but I let it go unanswered. I knew he was worried about me, but I couldn't find it in myself to talk to him more than necessary. All the pretending was exhausting me completely. I didn't know how actors could do it; to play a part and take on emotions that weren't real. I could hardly fake a smile that was convincing enough.

While I was burnt out from all this pretending, there was also this...restless energy inside me, like I was in a fixed agitate state. Nerves made my heart beat just a little bit faster, and my hands couldn't quite hold still, constantly fidgeting.

I had received good morning texts from the guys and breakfast from Gideon. It was the only thing that made today a little more bearable. Though, I only managed to take a couple of bites from the fluffy pancakes before my stomach tied up in too many knots.

As it got closer to when I should be getting ready for uni, I once again debated whether I should go or skip. The joy of learning was slowly slipping away, being replaced by dread at the thought of being around too many people while trying to force my brain to focus on anything but my current situation.

With a muttered curse, I decided to not let him make me lose everything I'd fought so hard for, especially my education. I slipped on my favorite pair of pants, hoping it would somehow lift my mood, if only slightly. But the denim fabric that used to hug my curves just so was now a little baggy and much more unflattering than they'd been a week ago. It only served as another reminder that I was anything but okay.