Yes, Masters (Book 2 of Desire's Den)

Chapter 34 - Emma

My apartment felt like a flimsy excuse of a safe space when Kevin left. My eyes constantly wandered to the door as if to make sure it was still standing in place. I'd reattached the bolt and the portable lock, but it didn't help put my worries at ease—not even a little. The only thing I was relieved about was the fact that Kevin hadn't noticed all the security measures I had gotten in place since the last time he was over. He could be a little oblivious about his surroundings when his mind was busy, and this time, it worked to my advantage.

I'd brought my laptop and all the school assignments to my desk, but the word document remained empty.

I stared, and stared, and stared at the insertion point blinking on the empty page, reminding me of words that needed to be written, but all I could think was...this was hopeless. Everything had gotten so hard lately, even the parts that used to be easy was now like a slow torture. Doing schoolwork was like pulling teeth. Brushing my teeth was like having a leaden arm that I could hardly hold it up enough to do the swish swash movements back and forth. Sleeping gave me nightmares. Being awake was like living in a nightmare.

God, what a depressing sight I must be with my face slack with exhaustion, my mind clouded with worry and my body swimming in ill-fitted clothes.

With a heavy sigh, I forced myself to start on the assignments. For every five-minutes that went, I had to refocus because my mind wanted to go elsewhere. It was never like this with the guys though. With them, my mind was calm, and I was present instead of worrying about things that had happened or could happen.

When I finished with one of the many papers and my thoughts started circling around the guys, I let it. I let myself be swallowed by their demanding personalities that refused to be ignored; by their caring nature and the way they give of themselves as much as they take everything of me. I wasn't a slave, but didn't they know they owned me? I'd give them my all if I could.

I shook my head. I had already given them everything of me; my heart as well as my body. If I hadn't, would I really have gone through this by myself? If I didn't love them...care for them with everything I had, then why would I sacrifice my safety for theirs?

My thoughts were too heavy for a day like this where everything had felt strange, and I'd been in an anxious mood ever since I woke up.

A couple of hours before I had to get to work, I got in the shower. After walking around with greasy hair because I'd forgotten about taking care of myself, I tried to get a shower in every second day. It was a like a hill to climb though, getting into the shower.

Since Kevin left, I'd been on pines and needles. The safety I felt in my apartment was gone. So, it wasn't just the struggle to go inside the bathroom to wash myself because it took energy I didn't have, but I also didn't like that I couldn't watch the front door. Never mind the fact that the sensors would alert me in case he got inside, being naked left me vulnerable and unprotected.

The water was a perfect temperature, though I didn't take time to stand under the stream and let it cascade down my body and let it loosen up my muscles on the way. Instead, I hurried through the routine.

In and out. Done, finished, finito.

It didn't take long until I was fully dressed, with just enough makeup to hide the circles under my eye and the paleness of my skin that had nothing to do with being white and all to do with the lack of care I'd given myself. Looking at the clock, I still had...three hours until I needed to get to work.

Great.

Three hours to kill.

More like three hours to stare at the door to make sure no one is trying to get inside. Damn it, why did I have to know how fragile the door actually was? Couldn't I have lived with the false security the locks had given me?