Not Enough, Never Enough

Chapter 9

I woke up alone. And it almost made it feel like last night was just some bad dream.I could almost pretend it was, as I ignored my alarm and burrowed under the covers. If I squeezed my eyes closed I could imagine I was back in my room in the apartment I shared with Ivy. I could pretend I was just trying to get five more minutes of sleep before I had to wake up for work. I could pretend I could hear Ivy screaming to Taylor Swift through the wall.

But the sheets were too soft and the bed too big and the room was silent. I wasn't at home. I was a prisoner.

I hadn't cried yet, hadn't had a proper breakdown since they'd taken me prisoner. But now, hidden under the covers and missing my shitty little home with Ivy I let the tears fall. After the nightmare and then everything with Damian last night, my nerves were frayed. My emotions had been all over the place. I deserved a little cry. I deserved to fall apart. Because I was a mess and my life was a mess and everything was fucked.

God I was an idiot. How close had I come to fucking Damian? And then I let them sleep with me, comfort me, as if it was completely normal. Fuck and that's not to mention the unspeakable things I did on the couch with Danny. Things that I am just now remembering he filmed. Mortified in a whole new way I scramble out of bed and run to the balcony doors.I need air. I need to get out of here. I needed to get far far away from these men. These men I somehow kept forgetting were incredibly dangerous.

Of course the doors didn't open. I rattled and banged on them anyhow. Fuck. It was somehow just now hitting me how trapped I was. I need an escape plan. But how the fuck did you escape four mob bosses? You didn't. You played prisoner until they set you free. But would they ever set me free? Highly unlikely. Before I could have a full meltdown I heard the lock turn in the door and Kian walked in cooly.

"Problem?" He asked, placing a Starbucks cup on the desk.

"I need some fresh air." My voice sounded pathetic but if he saw my tears, my heavy breathing, how much I was shaking, he didn't say anything. In fact, he barely looked up from his phone.

"Sure." He slipped a key out of his pocket and opened the balcony doors. My eyes zeroed in on the single loose key, that looked so small in his large hands. Did the same key open this and the bedroom door? Was this the only key or did they all have one? How easy would it be to steal it? Could I coerce him into the situation like with Danny, distract him with a lap dance or something and slip the key out of his pocket? Could I actually do that?

The doors creaked open and the fresh air hits me. I stood there in the doorway looking out, the balcony peered over what I assumed was their backyard. It was massive, miles of lush green grass and rolling hills. Even if I could get the balcony door key and the survive the drop down onto the grass, I would never escape. Besides, the definitely had security with guns and probably dogs too.

I grabbed the Starbucks he'd gotten me and followed him out onto the balcony. There was a rusty outdoor table and chairs and a dying plant in the corner. This room obviously wasn't used much. He sits down at the table, and the chair creaks loudly. I stand at the railings, clutching them so tightly my knuckles turn white. I edge onto my tiptoes to peer down and gauge the distance. Could I survive that fall? Maybe, but not without experiencing many broken bones. And then what would be the point in that, jump only to break my legs and not be able to actually run away.

"Sleeping with Dami make you suicidal?" He drawled. I spun to face him, coffee spilling out of the cup and onto my wrist. He looked up at me briefly, his gaze assessing. "Sit."

"I'm not a dog." I bristled. He just smirked, as if he wanted to refute that statement. Like I had somehow become their little bitch. I sat. Because what else was I supposed to do. But I hated every second of it. I needed o gain the upper hand somehow. "I have work tomorrow, so I'll need-"

"I've taken care of your work."

"I'm sorry." I say, incredulously. Glaring at him over my coffee. "What the hell does that mean?"

He looks at me exasperated, "I told them you'll be taking some unpaid leave."

"Unpaid." Oh, I was going to kill him. I went to slap him but he caught my wrist before it even got close to his face.

"I will transfer you the equivalent amount of wages."

"I didn't even tell you where I work!"

"Darling," He looked at me like I was stupid. And I guess I was. He was the head of an organised crime ring. Of course he could easily find out where I worked. He also had my phone and my laptop. He knew everything about me. And I knew nothing about him. Besides his name. And that he was incredibly dangerous. And that I was so fucking out of my depth here. Because the way he just said that. Darling. How it rolled of his tongue and down my back like melted chocolate. That simultaneously had warmth spreading from my centre and oozing into my bones and shivers scattering down my neck. "I hope you're not underestimating me."

"I don't even know who you are."

"Do you want to?" His eyebrow twitched, like even he was surprised he'd asked the question.

"Do I want to get to know my kidnapper? No, I do not." I chugged my coffee, it burned the back of my throat, the searing pain a welcome feeling compared to any of the other unwanted feelings in my body. Scraping my chair back as loudly as possible, hoping it left marks, I threw the coffee cup over the edge of the balcony and turned to head inside. "Since I won't be working today, I need my laptop, I have assignments to finish." I plunked down in the desk chair, annoyed at all the conflicting feelings bouncing around my head. There was nothing conflicting about this. He was a murderer that had kidnapped me because I had witnessed him murder.

I needed to get my shit together and learn how to hate these men.