Last of Daylight

6.3 Deceive Yourself-But Your Heart And Soul Know The Truth

Xelan grabbed Rayne by both wrists and held her aloft. Despite her struggle, he remained firm. "We're done tonight." The words came out in a puff of frozen breath.

When Xelan let Rayne go, she cried, "Why?!"

Concern almost made his hands shake as Xelan shoved the ankle weights they'd used earlier into his duffel. The zipper closed on a scream. Flatly, he said, "Because you're unhinged."

Rayne insisted, "I'm fine. You're the one—"

"You broke two of my ribs, and the six consecutive blows to my head put me off the mood to train. You want an actual fight, and I'm not giving you one."

Sore and emotionally exhausted, Xelan headed for the edge of the training grounds where he'd parked the Jag.

"Xelan! Xelan, come back!"

The slight whine at the last made him pause, but he kept his back to Rayne. The soreness had already abated as Xelan's hard tissue repair system knitted his ribs and skull fractures back together. But it didn't change his unease about Rayne's behavior.

She gave in with the apologies. "I'm really sorry. You're right. Something is bothering me. I want to talk about it, but I don't know how."

Xelan turned on his heel, but he didn't come any closer, saying, "Go on." He was always prepared to listen.

So much passed over Rayne's face. Pride at wounding him. Shame for her pride. And a little fear. Rayne cried in frustration, fell to her knees, and pounded the frozen earth with her fists. Loyalty, shame, and confusion consumed her in a hurricane of conflict.

Xelan took a few slow steps toward Rayne, combat boots crunching on the hardened grass. He wanted to kneel and hug her. To tell her everything would be all right. But the ball was in her court.

A gentle push couldn't hurt. "Rayne?"

"I'm losing!" Rayne winced at her outburst.

Xelan crouched down to her level. "The dreams?" He let out a deep exhale of frozen breath. "Are you ready to tell me?"

Anguish strained Rayne's voice. "Hell no!" And yet...

She lowered her head to the grass, looking desperate for reassurance, comfort—anything. It thickened Rayne's voice as she confessed, "I don't know how much more I can take."

Curse Nox.

Xelan reached out and brushed Rayne's shoulder—

She reared back and fixed him with a red-rimmed stare. "You don't know what I've done."

Rayne's shame and confusion fractured Xelan's heart into pieces. He sat back on the grass and kept his hands to his side. The moon shifted from behind the clouds. The pale light streaked through the trees, making Rayne into an incandescent, despondent sprite.

What had Nox done to Rayne that she would fear telling Xelan? Any answer worse than killing her wrenched Xelan's insides until he squeezed his eyes tight.

When a tear rolled down Xelan's cheek, Rayne said on a breath, "I'm sorry."

His eyes snapped open, and Xelan knew by her awestruck reaction they'd went into Atramentous. The midnight ring around his iris had swallowed his corneas, leaving a white slit down the center for a pupil.

Even Rayne's fascination couldn't overtake the grief carved in the planes of her face.

Xelan's words came out in three simultaneous octaves of his voice. "Don't."

Rayne flinched.

He raised a hand to assure her as he said, "Don't apologize for what Nox has done to you. Ever." Another tear spilled from his lashes, hot on his jaw.

Rayne shook her head. "No. You don't understand. I... I kissed him. I wanted to do more..."

Not this.

Xelan looked away, staring into the woods. How could he help Rayne with this? She was at a curious age, and Nox would certainly take advantage of it. How could Xelan convince her she did nothing wrong? No doubt she thought worse of herself since Xelan had looked away.

"Stop." He could feel Rayne's remorse, and he wanted to put an end to it. "Stop blaming yourself." Xelan's voice was thick to the point of choking. He cleared it and rubbed his face. "You've recently turned eighteen. Nox is older than your entire species. He's a predator, and he's preying on your valid, hormone–induced confusion. Also known as a sex drive."

Rayne blushed and glanced away.

Xelan fell back on the frosted grass, asking, "Do you want me to pretend you're not a human with growing needs? Believe me, I can do that. I'd prefer to do that. I hate watching the Progeny grow up, but witnessing you internalize this has been killing me. It's the most helpless I've felt since the Vacating left me on Earth."

Rayne shed her hoodie and unstrapped the ten-pound weight vest from her chest. She shivered and shrugged back into the jacket.

Xelan watched Rayne step around him, trying to keep up with her mercurial moods. She laid down on the grass behind him and placed her head next to his. They stared at each other up close. Xelan knew his eyes had returned to normal, and Rayne's were less bloodshot. She touched the streaks of tears on his face, and he let her.

Rayne said, "I never want to see your tears again. What can I do to make that happen?"

Xelan took her hand and held it. "You can talk to me about it. Or Sagan. Or whoever you feel comfortable with. You can't internalize this anymore. It's toxic, and it's eating away at you. Also at my ribs." At Rayne's wince, he grinned. "I was proud of you for landing those shots with so much force."

"I'm sorry—"

"Stop. Talk to me or promise me you'll talk to somebody."

Rayne turned to the sky, and Xelan mirrored her. The clouds passed slowly over the silver disk of the moon. Their breath left in puffs, adding to the atmosphere. The cold absorbed into his skin.

Xelan listened as Rayne told him about the kiss, and some details left him uncomfortable. He knew she'd even left a few out, but the worst came next.

"I think there's more to Nox than conquest and vengeance." Rayne sounded painfully convinced.

Xelan would need to approach this delicately or risk pushing her away, possibly right into Nox's arms. In an even tone, Xelan said, "Tell me why you feel that way."

Rayne turned her head on the grass to meet Xelan's eyes. "What happened with Nox's brother?"

Xelan nearly choked. After the initial shock passed, he forced himself to ask, "He told you about that?"

Rayne shook her head. "No. Not exactly. Nox said, 'your guardian took him from me.'"

Never in a million years would Xelan imagine this conversation. What could he say, and how could he say it without lying to her?

Fortunately, Rayne spared him from the explanation. "It seems like it's difficult for either of you to talk about it."

Yes.

Xelan took a brief detour from the subject. "At the next group training, I'll brief the team on all the key players in the invasion. I'm disappointed in myself for not doing it sooner."

Rayne gave Xelan a reassuring pat. "You take care of us, and you do it with the weight of not just one world, but two, on your shoulders. We're turning out okay, kiss with the devil notwithstanding. Don't be so hard on yourself."

This lightheartedness was much preferable over Rayne's earlier grief and shame. Xelan grinned. "I'm proud of you. All of you."

"Facing down a sleepless night, I appreciate your encouragement even more." Rayne returned the grin.

Xelan kissed her forehead, saying, "I got you to smile. For my next miracle, I'll sort Sagan out."

This time Rayne full-on beamed. "I can't wait."