Natasha Romanoff x Female Reader

without her - natasha romanoff

You watched from the window as the sun began to rise, squinting your eyes slightly as the rays of light shone between the barely open curtains. It was a sight that you would usually find pretty. Maybe you would even wake Natasha up so the two of you could watch it together.

But this time, you almost despised the golden glow in your room. It looked too happy. It was a painful reminder of all the times you and the redhead spent together in that room, waking up, cuddling, having pillow fights, talking, just enjoying each other's company. It had been that way for years.

You did everything together, so it made sense that when you were no longer with each other, everything fell apart.

It was no secret that your relationship hadn't ended on good terms. When the final argument proved to be the last straw, you'd thought that maybe it was for the best. Maybe you could move on, find somebody new.

But 2 weeks later, it was extremely clear that
it wouldn't be the case.

You couldn't sleep without feeling her arms wrapped around you. You barely ate or drank, not wanting to sit at the table without her opposite you.

Your hair was a mess because you couldn't be bothered to fix it - not that it really mattered, because you probably wouldn't be leaving the house anyway. Your eyes were constantly red rimmed from crying, which was all you seemed to be doing now.
There was only ever one thought in your mind. She was everything you ever wanted, and you drove her away.

While you moped around, Natasha seemed to be living her life as normal. She dealt with trauma a lot better than you, if only because she was used to it.
She would go outside, maybe meet up with Yelena just to feel relatively normal again.

But behind closed doors, it was a different story.
You were all she could think about. She could hear your laugh, see shadows of you dancing to your favourite song, feel the soft curve of your waist as she held you. Everything in her life had been temporary and you were the one thing that kept her grounded, and she'd let you go.

On the 17th day without each other, Natasha decided she couldn't live like this anymore. She racked her drawers for the spare key that you'd once given her and left her own small, rented apartment, her hair a mess, her eyes tired.

By the time she made it to the house you'd once shared, she was second guessing herself. For all she knew, you could be absolutely fine. But, as she quietly let herself in, she saw your silhouette. You were still sitting by the window, in the same place you were two hours ago when the sun was still rising, with your head in your hands, tears running down your face yet again.

You were broken, and so was she.

You heard the redhead before you saw her. You snapped your head up, not trusting your senses, torn between being hopeful of her return or dismissing it as a heartbreaking hallucination.

She appeared in the doorway, and you finally set eyes on her again. No words were exchanged, but both of your appearances meant that the silence spoke for you.

Natasha opened her arms and you stood up unsteadily, trembling as you walked over and hugged her tightly.

You never wanted to let go.

Not again.

Later, you hoped you would get the chance to tell her all the things you'd realised about how much you needed her, and you hoped that she might say the same about you.

But for now, you felt comforted in her embrace.

Things were still far from okay, but this was a start.