HADDIYAH

chapter fourty one

Haddiyah pov

       It's been a month now. I lost my mum. My biological mum. It's seems like life is not in my favour. Firstly I lost my dad then my sister and now my mother. Could this get any worser. I feel drained for the past one month. I haven't been myself. My heart is in pain every single day I live I cry. I cry for the loss. Do I have anyone to lean on? No I don't have. Imran and Aliyah are back from school after the incident. Everyday they try to take me out of my room. I just want to be alone. The room is my safe haven now. I don't feel like interacting with anyone even dad has tried to get me to talk but to no avail. I have been alone right from when I was little I thought maybe when I grow I'll have people around me but my favourite people are gone. They left me. They didn't think about how I'll feel. I'm not meant to question God but God why me? Why? I couldn't help the tears that started coming out of my eyes. I thought I had no tears left to cry but anytime I think about my life status now. The tears come out of nowhere. I don't want to even stop the tears. If I keep them in I might go into deep depression I know I'm already half way there but I don't want to. Why didn't I die instead of mum. Why did she have to save me. I didn't need her saving. She left only me now in this lonely world.

          She lived for two days before her death. In that two days I knew she wasn't going to make it so I got to know her. I could still remember that day like it was yesterday.

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      I walked to were she laid down on the hospital bed. By the looks of it i knew she wasn't going to make it. I asked the doctors and they said the bullet damaged a part of her internal organ and she won't live for long. You know there is this saying about having hope in life but I have lost all hope in life. I wanted to have hope that she would make it and she will live with me. We will have the mother and daughter bond we never had due to our situation but I know that life Never did favour me and I know it won't favour me this Time around and the only thing I could do now is to get to bond with her before she goes.

         I took a chair and sat beside her. She turned to look at me with a smile on her face. Why was she smiling there is nothing to smile about in this situation. She was leaving me and she is smiling?. I held her hands which were connected to wires with fluids inside. There was no use of this because she won't survive it then why make her more uncomfortable.

       " How are you feeling today ummi"

       " I feel closer to death"

       " Don't say that ummi you aren't close to death. You are close to me and you'll be with me "

        " Haddiyah" she tried to stand up and I helped in supporting her and being careful with it. I used a pillow to support her back. She still had this smile on her face the more she smiled the more I felt sad I know she was going. I know it and she also does. I didn't try this time around to hide my tears. I wanted her to see that I was in pain in as much as she is in pain too. I couldn't control the tears it just kept on flowing and pouring more out of my eyes and I didn't want to stop it maybe if I cried everything out I won't feel pain anymore but it doesn't work like that because Everytime I think about it the tears pour out of my eyes.

        She patted my back all this while I was crying. I knew the tears were going to wet the bed but I didn't care. I thought God was going to give us a chance to bond and for me to receive the Love I didn't get but instead he was going to take that away from me.

          " It's okay diyah you'll get sick if you keep on crying like this. You'll have a headache please diyah stop crying for my sake." I just didn't know how to stop it I was feeling miserable Inside. I couldn't stop crying.