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Momma just had to book a boat. She said it wouldn't make sense to come out here and not do that. But she still isn't talking to me so I had to hear that from Bey. That woman is so damn petty, she act like I told her I hate her. All I said was a few words while half sleep. She know how I am and she does this shit every time. It's annoying.
"Momma." I walked up to her and she didn't even look up at me. Yo. She's about to piss me off. She did this all yesterday at my aunts house and I left. They always act like i'm the type to face my problems. We all know i'm gonna avoid it, so I was bound to leave anyways. They had me fucked up. "Mommy." I pouted and grabbed her hand. She glared at me before turning back to her phone. Oh my gosh. "Mommy stop." I moved both her hands and tried to sit in her lap, she raised her leg. "Stop that. For real Momma, i'm not kidding anymore."
I frowned my face and she put her leg down. Before she could protest I sat in her lap, wrapping my arms around her neck. She was just staring at me. Bruh. I leaned in for her lips but she pushed me.
"Momma stop!"
"Get off of me."
"No cause you doing too much!" I'm finna cry. It's been like 24 hours and she wanna act like I did something so bad. All I said was she's pushing the issue....I was about to wake up. It's like she want shit to be done the moment she say something, that's not how it works. I'm grown.
"I don't care. You not my child speaking to me like that."
"Momma..."
"I don't care. Get off of me."
I got out her lap and went inside. I'm not gonna sit out with them anymore. She's really upsetting me for no fucking reason. If I start crying then they'll say i'm doing the most. But here she is acting the way she is, like she don't care.
"Onika."
"What?"
"Cmere mama."
"No." I kept walking until I was in a rooms. If my momma don't wanna talk to me, I don't want to talk to anyone else. She better fix herself if she want me to fix myself, simple. If Daddy was here he would've made her act right.
"What's yo problem?"
"I don't have a problem."
"Yes you do. What's up?"
"Beyoncé."
I'm not about to say anything becaus they swear I be acting dramatic. That hurts my feelings a whole lot because it's really how I feel. Saying that is really aggy and pointless.
"Come here." She grabbed me and I sighed heavily. Her arms went around my waist before she sat down, pulling me between her legs. I'm just ready to go the fuck home.
Already going through a fucking miscarriage, i'm tired. I still haven't told her because i'm scared. This will be the second time this has happened with her and I feel really, worthless. She wants another baby just as much as I do, it'll be disappointing.
"What's been going on?"
"Nothing. She's acting all petty. I hate it."
"It's more than that....What was going on in the bathroom?"
I stayed quiet and tried to kiss her. She's been off too. Obviously upset because I wouldn't tell her about the bathroom thing, but I understand. If it was the other way around I would be down her throat, I get it. It's not fair.
"Can I have a kiss?"
"Mm mm."
"Why not?" I pouted and rubbed her lip but she just tucked them. It made me frown because she hasn't really kissed me since yesterday. Before we even went to my aunts house, when she got mad at me. "I haven't had a kiss in-"
"You understand why though right?"
"Yea...."
"So fix it."
I stepped back and walked around the bed. I'm scared....like really scared. What if she gets mad? I've been drunk a few times and i'm sure I was pregnant then. I have an idea of the day that I got pregnant for real. Im sure she knows too....You do too. Wink wink.
"You really fighting this huh? You cheated?"
"No."
"So what is it Onika? It can't be that fucking hard."
She just don't understand. Im tired of feeling like this won't work. Tired of losing babies and going through this pain. There's only so many times I can go through this before having babies is out forever.
"I don't wanna talk anymore."
"You can't keep doing that. If this is gonna work and you wanna move up in life. Possibly have all these kids and get married, you gotta act right. Be on the same page as me."
"I am..."
"You're not."
"What the fuck?" I whispered and rubbed my forehead. Why did we take this trip here? It's just proving that being here isn't a good thing. Fucks shit up. We were fine before we came. "Beyoncé."
"Talk to me when you ready to be open with me. Until then, stay in this room and be lonely."
"Bubbi..." That just broke my heart, seriously. Like I wanna cry and kill myself from hearing that. "Bubbi don't leave."
I watched her leave out and my eyes watered. I'm ready to go the fuck home. ⚣
"Gise stop it mama."
"No! Dada!"
"Stop." I grabbed her hands from the table and held them down. She's trying to grab the damn cup off the table and i'm about to pop her ass. Always wanna act out in front of people like I give a fuck. Then Momma is so called mad so she wanna take everyone's side but mine.
Beyoncé won't even look at me.
"Robyn i'll be back. Tell the ones that are ignoring me I said that." I grabbed Gise and stood, going towards the back of the boat. This girl is about to work my last damn nerve. I'm already stressed all the way out, i'm going insane. "Stop! You want your ass whooped?!"
"No no Mommy."
"Exactly." I went to the bathroom to wash her face and shit. Cake is everywhere on her, which is Mommas doing because she wouldn't listen when I said no. Everything I say is taken in one ear and flying out the other. They're making me feel like a ghost. "Stop touching your hair." I grabbed her chocolate hands and held them down. Of course she started to trip because I guess she really wanted to feel her hair. Right now just isn't the time. "I'm sorry baby, just wait."
"Nooooo!" She snatched away and I sighed heavily, putting her down. I'm not. I refuse. She ran out while I went to sit on the bed. Resting my elbows on my knees and covering my face. I'm tired.
