TW: Self-deprecative/Suicidal thoughts, Breaking down
AN: Just a reminder, I suggest that you only listen to each song after its mentioned, so that you can see what Maddy was going through.
The link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6c2tsuY7zrD6bYP9KEMr80?si=86a2b9406d174495
Enjoy!
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Maddy returned to her room after finishing the plate of lunch her mother forced her to eat. She sat on her bed facing the window, it was dusk. She took her phone and looked through the readymade playlists for her songs on her Reply Playlist.
She couldn't stop thinking about what she'd need to put in her playlist while eating. I should make it a "I'm very sorry. I'd like to die for my sins thank you" playlist. That's fucking smart!
She plugged in her earphones and skimmed past many songs before her eyes landed on one from Pure Heroine.
--> 'Ribs' by Lorde:
She played the song and took a listen to the words.
This is what the night felt like, ethereal and melancholic all at once.
"It drives you crazy, getting old."
That's Teddy! She doesn't want to grow up! She said she's afraid of the future and whether she'll find her place in the world!
For a girl who puts up a brave front and keeps talking about not letting school or the world determine who she is, she sure is a very scared child.
Yeah, she kept talking about wanting to stay right here and not grow up. Right in this year, in East Highland, with her friends, their private parties in the cabin and working at her uncle's shop..
But why? It seems pretty dumb to want to be a kid cuz kids are dumb.
I asked her that, didn't I? And she had an answer...
She kept trying to recollect exactly what Sonny had said, and it came to her when she heard the bridge.
"I want 'em back, I want 'em back
The minds we had, the minds we had
How all the thoughts, how all the thoughts
Moved 'round our heads, moved 'round our heads
I want 'em back, I want 'em back-"
That's exactly why!! I remember! Because she doesn't want to stop thinking the way she does now! She doesn't want to grow up because she's afraid she'll become like the other adults, all ...desanitized?
No, dumbass, it was something that meant not sensitive to something anymore.
Desensitized!
Exactly. That was her fear, being desensitized to all the problems in the world. Just ignoring it all, accepting that this is the way the world should be and being selfish. Everyone she knows, who thought like that when they were kids, apparently just tossed their sense of justice or want for a good life aside.
She said, "They all said that they went out in the world and realized that there was nothing normal people could do to change any of it, unless someone "special" were to come along." She said she thought it was stupid, having to wait for someone.
That's hypocritical.
Why?
Cuz she's also scared. She herself is scared to take the damn leap and be the change!
YOU ARE READING
Maddy and Me
Romance"I really do love you. It didn't start in a good place, I admit, but these feelings I've grown for you are very much real!" said Maddy, crying. "And how am I supposed to know if that's true? This entire thing could just be in my head! Maybe you foun...
