Season 3 Young Royals (Version 1)

31. August

August was alone in his room in near darkness lying on his bed looking toward the window. The dim light that drifted in through the slightly parted curtains was enough for him to see the silhouettes of objects around him and not much more. He could hear a very faint, rhythmic thumping of music down the hill and knew that it must be the party he'd overheard snippets of conversation about each time he'd made his way through the common rooms during the week.

Once he'd heard it was a party for Felice he knew he wouldn't be attending. He was trying to stay sober in any case and he knew that if he drank, he'd be tempted to mix pills with the alcohol and he'd been doing fairly well at reducing the dose he was taking. In any case he also knew that no one would want to see him there.

He couldn't tell anyone about everything that had happened because he and Sara weren't speaking and there was literally no one else he trusted, for good reason.

He knew he'd turned everyone against him, and at this point he didn't see any way to save himself from the consequences.

He thought back to his last conversation with the Queen. He'd been thinking about it all week. She'd strongly insinuated that she and his father had had an inappropriate relationship, so strongly insinuated in fact, that there could be no doubt, and then she concluded their conversation by saying,

"You should know that if this information were to get out it would tarnish your father's legacy, and his legacy is all we have left of him. The nature of his death and his addiction aren't known outside of the Royal Family for a reason. We kept it quiet to preserve his reputation. He would want you to help the family and preserve his legacy and reputation too. The only way to do that is for you to take over since it appears Wilhelm won't."

Not only had she not expressed real regret for her part in their treatment of his father at any point in their conversation, but she obliged him to keep her secret and do his duty by using his father against him. She also seemed to suggest that he owed it to the Royal Family because they'd kept his father's drug addiction and suicide a secret from the public, but he knew that was just another way to protect the Royal Family's image.

All of this was swimming in his mind and he recalled the conversation in the palace with Wilhelm and Alexander where he'd even used Erik against Wilhelm to try and keep his secret and save his own skin.

"Erik wouldn't have let Simon go to the police."

He felt a pang of guilt and disgust at himself go through him. It made him sit up in bed and throw his legs over the side to plant his feet on the floor. Then he pulled his knees to his chest and hugged them, squeezing his eyes shut as hard as he could, trying to make the memory go.

He'd told the queen he didn't want her crown, but their conversation had ended on what probably seemed to her like acquiescence on his part, because he didn't know what else to say. It didn't seem she would accept a 'no' regardless of how it was given. He hadn't said more and had simply let them take him home, but to put it diplomatically, he felt strongly disinclined to help the Organization any longer...

He wondered if this guilt would disappear as soon as he took responsibility, like a weight lifted from his head and shoulders, or if it would feel the same until he were really paying for it...

If there were any other good that could come from admitting it, he thought, it was that the Royal Court couldn't use him as a backup anymore. He would be ineligible and they'd either have to accept Wilhelm or face a crisis of succession. At this point August didn't care. Everything the Royal Family had represented for him previously, all the tradition, legacy, responsibility, honor...meant nothing.

Whoever didn't serve their purposes or uphold their image, they would discard without hesitation anyway.

Suddenly he heard the music stop at the palace, and voices began moving toward the Manor House soon after. He went to the window and saw small groups of tipsy, laughing party-goers making their way back up through the forest, using their phone flashlights. They were trying very unsuccessfully to sneak quietly back to their rooms.

He continued to watch them as they arrived at the treeline and dispersed in various directions. He saw someone he recognized linking arms with another person he recognized heading the approximate direction of Wilhelm's window.

In the short time he'd been dealing with the Royal Court closely, giving up all details of his private life, allowing them access to his social media and being told what to do and when, he began to understand how it wasn't everything he'd believed it must be for Wilhelm. He looked back at how envious he'd been of his position and how critical of his behavior, and scoffed. He thought "Be careful what you wish for, you may just get it."

He didn't feel ready. He still had unfinished business and had to ask himself if he was really going to do this and fuck over the Royal Family. It remained to be decided.