Season 3 Young Royals (Version 1)

19. Boris and August

"August, It's nice to see you here again. What can I help you with?" the psychologist asked after inviting August to sit down and taking the seat opposite. He folded his hands in front of him waiting patiently.

August had come to the end of his rope. He had begun to lose more weight because he had no appetite and had stopped bothering to even go to the dining hall after the other day where Simon nearly called him out by name. Several people had commented on his gaunt appearance.

It was Nils who had pointed it out most recently and asked if something was wrong. August didn't trust Nils and denied having a problem. He said he was just dieting and exercising, but Nils was obviously unconvinced and suggested that if anything was wrong, he was there to talk but he also admitted that he personally went to see the psychologist regularly and it had really helped him with his depression. This was news to August and seemed unusually frank for Nils to share something like that with any of them. August nodded and pretended to dismiss the information as if it didn't pertain to him, but he absolutely kept it in his mind as possibly his last resort.

August hadn't just lost weight and started looking sickly, his heart was constantly racing and he felt paranoid that everyone could read his thoughts and knew what he'd done. He was hardly sleeping and he knew he looked bad, but he wasn't sure where to start.

Boris looked on patiently.

"Can you like, just ask me questions and I can just say yes or no?"

"Alright. If that makes it easier. But I'm sorry if anything I ask offends you. I don't mean anything by it.

"Ok." August nodded, skeptical.

"Are you feeling physically unwell or perhaps just nervous? You seem to be fidgeting quite a lot."

"Mmm, I'm nervous but I don't feel very well either."

"Can you tell me what's physically wrong with you first and then we can talk about what's making you nervous?"

"Mmm, ok. I'm having trouble sleeping... I only manage to sleep a couple of hours a night. Umm, I'm not ever really hungry so I haven't been eating much lately either... I'm getting lots of headaches and stomachaches... and sometimes, it's strange, but I feel like this sensation like my skin is itching or, I dunno, but it's like under my skin..." August realised that this last symptom was hard to explain and might not be such a physical issue he was having.

"Ahha..." the psychologist was nodding slowly, twisting his mouth slightly then stroking his beard as he concentrated on what August had told him. "Would you like to tell me what's making you nervous now, and then we can see how all of the physical symptoms might be related?"

"Ok. I'm nervous...because I feel...a lot of pressure, but also...I feel like a bad person, like everyone hates me, and like I'm going to be punished, but I don't know when."

"Can you tell me what it is you feel you'll be punished for?"

"Mmm, I hurt somebody, and I don't know how to fix it."

"And you've apologized? Tried to make amends?"

"I don't think they'll accept it."

"So you haven't tried?"

"Not with all of them." August lowered his head, looking at his hands as he pressed the tips of his fingers together on his lap. He couldn't stop tapping his left foot unconsciously.

"Ah...well, do you want advice?

"Mmm." August nodded slightly.

"That would be my first thought. Ask all of the people you've wronged for forgiveness, however many that might be, and even if they don't necessarily forgive you, it might ease some of the feelings of guilt that are making you feel this way. Then there's work to do on rebuilding trust if you hope to be around those people after."