Oh To Be Loved

Hospital

His POV-
Lincoln and I decided to go out and celebrate.

Well, I got drunk but he didn't since he's responsible now.

We stumbled out of the club, me reeking of alcohol.

We were celebrating our beautiful girlfriends and wonderful relationships.

"Yeah, Lilah and I were talking about starting our own family once we finish our last year of high school. We have it all planned out."

"Good for you man, I'm sure you'll make a great dad someday."

I slipped on some snow and fell right into him.

"God man, you're heavier than I remember." Lincoln laughed, his blond curls bouncing.

I pushed myself off of him and stumbled back, nearly landing in a pile of snow. It was freezing outside but that did nothing to sober me up.

"Shut up." I slurred over my speech and cringed.

How much did I drink again?

"You sure you don't want me to drive you home?"

"No, it's fine. It's way out of your route and a good boyfriend like yourself needs a break." I smirked while raising my brows at him.

He grinned but shrugged his shoulders. He waited with me out in the cold until the Uber came to pick me up. I was trying to find the seatbelt while Lincoln chatted up my driver.

"Roads are slippery tonight so just drive safely you two." He warned us and shook hands with the guy.

He walked over to my window and patted me on my shoulder.

"See you later alligator." He said which made me laugh at how much of a dad he sounded like.

"Talk to you in a while, crocodile." I saluted him but I doubt he understood me.

I got dropped off at my house and snuck in through the back door, my parents already being asleep. I called Lincoln but he didn't pick up.

I assumed he fell asleep already so I did the same.

———————

I awoke to thirteen missed calls from Paige and two missed calls from Lilah. I got a text from Paige that she was at the hospital and that I needed to come quick.

I sped over there, in fear of what could've possibly happened to the girls. But it was worse. Way worse than anything I could imagine.

Paige had tears in her eyes as we stood outside of the hospital room.

"There was nothing anyone could do. He died in the ambulance." She had told me.

Everything was blurry. But not really. It felt like I zoned out but I was fully aware of everything happening around me. Too aware. I hated it.

I hated how the lights were too bright, how my clothes fit, the smell, the noise, everything.

"Can I go in?" I croaked out.

She nodded, still crying.

I hesitated. I wanted to console her but I knew it would be because I was stalling to go in. To see what I was about to see. It was unreal. Unfathomable.

I pushed open the door finally and walked in.

Lincoln was laying in the bed, pale but peaceful looking. Lilah was sobbing by his bedside. His mother had collapsed in her chair, shaking uncontrollably while it was the first time I had ever seen his dad cry.

He greeted me and pulled me in for a hug. The embrace was strong and full of raw emotion. Too much emotion. I didn't like it. I walked slowly over to the side of his bed and leaned down to prop my elbows on the sides.

He looked like Lincoln but he didn't.

His curls didn't seem as yellow and bold as before. His blue eyes weren't glaring at me for something stupid I had did. His easy, cocky smile wasn't plastered on his lips.

It was wrong. All wrong.

A nurse escorted his parents out for something that I couldn't hear. Lilah's parents showed up and took her out of the room to comfort her. Soon it was just my best friend and I.

I gripped his arm, unnatural tears swelling in my eyes.

"Alright bud, everyone's gone, jokes over."

Breathing became something that was hard to do.

He didn't move. His chest wasn't moving, his eyelids weren't moving, his hands didn't twitch.

"Buddy..." my voice broke while I shook him slightly.

"We always said we'd go out together man, what the fuck is this? No, no this wasn't supposed to happen."  I grabbed my hair and fell back into a seat.

"No..." I mumbled again.

When did tears appear on my face? I don't remember crying.

"No, you can't do this to me. You were going to be a dad..." I faltered.

I stood again except I was clutching his shoulder and shaking him.

"Wake up!" I yelled.

I looked fucking pathetic but there's no way this son of a bitch died. He can't.

"Lincoln, Lincoln! Stop fucking with me man!"

I felt like I was going to fall but I caught myself.

"You were my best fucking friend." I said softly.

"I don't give a shit what anyone said because there's no way there was a reason for this."

"How the fuck could you leave me like this? What the hell man?"

My shoulders shook and I couldn't stop them. I looked at him again and couldn't stop the tears streaming down my cheeks.

It was wrong. All wrong. None of this felt right. None of this felt real.

I bid him goodbye and rushed out of the room.

"Logan!" I heard Paige yell after me but I didn't turn around.

I wasn't thinking. I wasn't in the right set of mind.

Maybe that's why I bought alcohol right after that. Maybe that's why I got drunk and decided to drive around. Maybe that's why I felt an emptiness in my chest that hurt. Maybe that's why I didn't see the pole.

Lincoln you got me fucked up man. I only hope that I get to see you soon.

My tires screech as soon as I notice the obstacle in front of me. I swerve to avoid it but I think I was trying to hit it.

I have no clue what I thought in that exact moment but I certainly didn't have a plan to live.