I don't know where to start about last night, I shouldn't have said that to James. I felt like I was giving him hope that something more then a friendship would come out of this but it can't
I'm Tilly's nanny and that's not an issue, the issue is that I can't be anything more. Not because I don't want to, but because I refuse to be in that situation again..
Looking down, I could see Tilly stirring from her sleep that morning. She turned to look at James, rubbing her nose against his before shifting to look at me with a smile on her face as she cooed reaching up for me to pick her up
She was due to be fed anyway, so I guess we were getting up already
Personally, I wouldn't have minded a few more minutes in bed..
As I walked downstairs, it was clear Emily and Owen were either laying in silence or they were still sound asleep
I didn't want to wake them up and I certainly didn't want Tilly to either
"Your up early" A voice said the moment I into the kitchen making me jump out of my skin
"Owen, what are you doing?" I asked before hearing his laughter fill the kitchen
Owen and I met before he met Emily. He was one of the boys in Emily's year who would help out during some of after school activities. If I remember correctly he saw me sat on my own one time and came to sit with me, that led to him stopping by to see me at Lunch and eventually we formed a tight knit friendship so when he met Emily, it truly like I got a brother out of it
He's been there no matter what, there are somethings I trust him with that I do not trust Emily with. Don't ask why, I wouldn't be able to answer that but Owen has always been easier to talk to
"I like waking up earlier then Em, it means that I can sort some things before I get to annoy her" He winked making me roll my eyes as I started to feed Tilly her bottle
She hadn't made a single noise, no protest, no whine for how long it took to get her bottle. She was happy, content, perfectly okay
"It's a good look for you Riles" He said nodding to Tilly, I sighed looking down at her as her eyes already began to get sleepy, that always tends to happen after her morning bottle
"Owen I can't-" I started
"Hey, It's not a loaded statement. You just seem happy with both of them" He explained
I was.. I am, I mean I want to be?
James and I went from being neighbours who couldn't stand each other to him being someone I could depend on even when I was strictly against leaning on other people
Tilly was the missing piece it would seem, I truly believe that if she hadn't had come around. James and I would never have seen eye to eye. Tilly is our catalyst
The one person who started the reaction between the two of us
But ever reaction burns out..
"Stop living in your head Riley" Owen said bringing me out of my thoughts
"I just, I don't know Owen" I explained as he offered a sympathetic smile
"James isn't like him Riles, you know that right?" Owen offered and I nodded
"But at the same time, we never thought he was like that either" I mumbled
"Do you want my honest opinion? Or the programmed response?" Owen said making the pair of us chuckle
"Honest I guess" I said taking a seat on one of the breakfast stools as Tilly continued to feed
"I think you know that you are happy, or you at least know that you are capable of being happy with both of them. Whether you like it or not, you've gotten yourself into a phase of comfort with both of them and that's okay" He started
"There is no harm in being happy, in being with people who make you feel wanted, safe." He said looking directly at him
"James isn't him and he never will be. History is not going to repeat itself Riley. You have the opportunity to live past the wrongs from your past. You have the chance for bigger and brighter things, I would never call you a moron but honestly. You are a moron if you sit down and let this pass you by" He said before smiling at me
"If you tell James about everything, I guarantee that all that'll change is how much that boy loves you. You'll give him another piece of you to love, to treasure" He said making me widen my eyes
"Love isn't the case right now Owen" I said before he scoffed
"I've seen how he looks at you Riley and I've seen how you look at him. If you don't think love is in the picture here then you already are a moron" He said making me roll my eyes
"What if it isn't enough, what if I'm not enough?" I asked but Owen shook his head placing his hand on my arm
"You are enough Riley. James has already seen that, do you really think he would be here right now if you weren't?" Owen offered and I shrugged
"Let me put this into black and white for you. James is here for you and only you. He is making the effort for you. Everything he is doing right now, is for you" He explained
"There isn't no not worth it moment, he is showing you that you are more then worth it" Owen finished making me sigh a little bit
--
"Hey" A voice said making me jump. Emily and Owen disappeared 20 minutes ago and last time I checked, Tilly and James were taking a nap together. They had offered me to join but I couldn't sleep
As I turned lightly, I could see James walking out of the house towards me. Tilly was nowhere in sight but from the looks of, James had the baby monitor on his phone already loaded making me aware that Tilly was still asleep
"Hey" I said offering him a smile as he came and sat with me on the steps outside
"I feel like I've barely seen you today" He chuckled scooting a little closer
"I'm sorry" I sighed but James didn't say anything, he turned to me looking at me confused before taking a hold of one of my hand offering me a small amount of comfort
"Talk to me Ri, what's going on?" He asked
I wanted to talk to him, but I didn't know how to. I didn't know where to start. I didn't know how to without pushing him away
Why couldn't this have been years ago, why couldn't I have met James first? Then none of this would have happened right?
I wouldn't be sat here playing with what if's I could be happy right now
"Hey come back to me Riley" James said cupping my cheeks making me fall back into reality
"There you are" He smiled as I bowed my head
"I can't do this James" I whispered
"Do what Ri?" He asked, his voice a little hesitant
"I can't pretend that this is okay. I can't do this" I said motioning between the two of us
"Riley look at me" James said but I shook my head keeping my gaze looking down at the floor
"Ri" James whispered this time sounding a lot closer then he was a moment ago
He gently cupped the bottom of my chin dragging my gaze up to meet his, his brown eyes looking at me with a look I couldn't shake. One I couldn't explain
"I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere okay?" He whispered but I shook my head
"Right here Riley.. Right here, right now" He said before leaning down placing a soft kiss on my forehead wrapping his arms around me pulling me into his chest
Right here and right now was going to get me into a lot more trouble then I bargained for..
YOU ARE READING
A Knock With Fate
FanfictionRILEY It's been 3 years since Riley moved to the big city, she left her friends and family behind. She knew the consequences of her actions but she had bigger shoes to fulfil Riley had a dream and she was going to do anything and everything she co...
