Infatuated with a God

Chapter One-Hundred and Twenty

It was hard to believe that it had only been a week since arriving on Asgard. But finally everything seemed to be looking up. I was hoping it was just going to be one crazy blip in an otherwise calmer and more peaceful stay here. That's what seemed likely to happen. Loki and I spent the majority of Saturday in each other's company finally talking. He told me about his work trying to repair the damage to the land in the East, hoping that future harvests wouldn't be as dire as before due to his efforts. About the orphanage he funded and occasionally visited. And, finally, about the ins and outs of being engaged to him. What my role actually entailed, what was expected and required, as well as his hopes for how we could change for the better together. He was just as willing to change the issues as I was, which filled me with so much hope and happiness. It all seemed positive and hopeful. Both of us were on the same page for the most part, and in the areas we disagreed with, we usually found a suitable compromise. Mostly, I didn't want to do a tour of Asgard that included visiting the Lords and Ladies, so we settled on visiting those that aligned with our views but focussing more on connecting with the people of Asgard. I wanted to visit orphanages and hospitals, and focus on giving back to those that suffered the most during the past few years of turmoil. Perhaps along the way Loki would be able to come to terms with his actions and heal as well. At least we could try.

My relationship with Rúna was improving as well, at least we weren't the awkward strangers we were when I arrived. She was no longer as scared of Loki, or rather she'd recognised that with me here he wasn't going to be as much of a tyrant as he'd clearly had been in the past. When I returned the dress she'd allowed me to borrow to sneak out of the palace, I'd finally seen why she requested to take some of my clothes. A part of me had assumed that she wanted them for herself, but I was very wrong. She'd recycled the fabric into smaller dresses for her two little sisters. After that I told her she was welcome to take anything not green, gold, or black. Given that those were the only colours I wasn't able to wear anything else anyway so it wasn't exactly a hard decision to make. It was better that someone was able to wear the fabric. We even made plans to possibly make clothes to donate to the local orphanage. Small incidents of good we could accomplish before tackling the beast of inequality throughout Asgard. Overall, it was looking better. My relationships here were strengthening and that only secured my position more. Even better than that, during my early morning training on Sunday I'd caught a glimpse of soldiers using their shields as a weapon instead of just defensively, which gave me an idea of how to take down Sif in combat. Thor seemed more positive as well, and I was relieved to see the shield around his mind as well as everyone else's gone.

However, there were still things that loomed over me. The fact that Eir couldn't heal me, that it was likely I'd have to live with that uncertainty forever, was crushing. I don't think I'd realised before how big of an insecurity that would be. Still, it was somewhat softened by the fact that on Asgard it couldn't be used against me. Barely anyone knew here, on Earth it felt like an open secret. At least, that's what Loki assured me and I tried my best to focus on that. It didn't stop the anxiety completely though. The second issue that still unnerved me was Odin. The knowledge that the stones would all call to me, that I could be made to take on more power, was terrifying. Given the right circumstances, I wouldn't be able to refuse. I already knew how powerless it felt. I tried to cling on to the knowledge that it was Odin. He wouldn't use me like Hydra did, or like the Red Room would have eventually used me. If I did take on that much power, it would be for a good reason. He wouldn't coerce me otherwise. Nevertheless, it was still uncomfortable. I'd not been on Asgard long, but I knew I would give my life to protect this world, to protect the people here I cared about. That is what concerned me the most. If the option was between letting him die and taking on the power of the stones, ultimately I would choose the stones. Even if it meant destroying myself. Finally, the fact that I was yet to hear news from Earth had begun to weigh on me heavily. Every day without news was a day something on mission could have gone wrong. And while missions have taken longer than expected before, this one felt so mapped out already that it was hard to imagine it taking so long.