My Alpha (Girlxgirl)

Chapter 21:No Name

Chapter 21

“Yeah. I was.”

Megan quickly shot her eyes at me that made me want to melt down. Anxiety rushed throughout my body. My body quickly turned cold, my fingers quivering, my heart pounding, my stomach getting tighter and my body getting weaker.

Unconsciously, I walked towards her, putting my fingers between her jaw and cheeks. Her soft skin touching mine. Her electric blue eyes bored into mine. Her full pink lips. I felt her breathing as I was sure she felt mine as well.

“Emi…” She began. I didn’t know what I was doing now. I knew it was wrong but it felt so right. Holding her like this. Being so close to her, feeling her breath against me. Her eyes looking into my brown orbs. Her lips parting from her words. The slight blush on her cheeks. The light freckles on her skin. The longing in her eyes. The feel of her skin. The sound of her voice. The gift of her presence. They all feel so right. “This is wrong.”

At this very moment, my heart had dropped to the core of the Earth. I slowly dropped my hand and took a step back. Her eyes now drifted to the wooden wall. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have. I stepped out of my…” Before I was able to continue, Megan moved so quickly before I was able to react and crashed her lips against mine. Pushing me to the dryer, she pressed her body against mine. Deepening the kiss, I felt her hand holding my waist tightly and the other on my neck pulling me closer and leaving no distance between us. My hands found her waist also and held on to them. Her scent rushed in my nose.

The smell of her Kiwi shampoo, the downy on her clothes, her paris perfume, the sophisticated and elegant scent rushed all over me and the dove soap on her skin. I want her all to myself.

After feeling like I was on top of the world, Megan finally separated her lips from mine. her face only a inch away from mine and our bodies still pressed together, her eyes stared at my lips. “Emi, I don’t know what we’re doing. What are we?”

I didn’t know what to say because I didn’t know what we were either. We weren’t a couple and we weren’t friends with benefits. I don’t even know if we’re friends on not. But, the feeling we both felt for one another was all that we knew. “I don’t even know.”    

“We can’t be like this Emi. I can’t be with someone and not know what we are. It’s wrong.” Megan took a step back, running her hand through her dark locks.

She was right. It was wrong. No matter how good it felt. It was wrong. What we were doing was just not right. We couldn’t do this to each other and I couldn’t do this to her either. The feeling we felt for each other was undeniable but I can’t see her like this when at the end of the day it’s not her I see before I close my eyes.

I knew I was hurting her.

“Megan… I know you know.” Her eyes looked at mine again that made me nervous of what I was going to say. “I know you know how I feel about you.”

“I don’t know what you feel about me Emi. This is why I can’t do this.”

Why couldn’t I just say what I felt about her? Why couldn’t I just say the damn words? “I care about you.” I responded. It wasn’t the exact words that I wanted to say.

“That’s not enough.” She spoke in a low voice. She quickly picked her bag and walked out of the room with no more words between the two of us. I fell to my knees as I leaned my head against the machine, staring at the white ceiling and the bar of lights.

Why did I feel numb?

Megan was right. It was not enough. She probably thinks I was playing with her feelings. But then again. One second she making out and me and stripping me and then the next second, she’s pushing me away. I want to blame her. But I knew it wasn’t her fault. It was I who is at fault here. I say I care about her but at the end of the day, I’m beside Kiera. In all honesty, I do have feelings for Kiera. How could I not?