His Human

Nineteen

Brooklyn's POV

I stared up at the sky, wishing I could see the stars. The light pollution made it impossible.

I was currently laying on the roof of my apartment, having managed to find a place without bird poop. 

The crippling fear of heights I had still bothered me, but I was attempting to not think about how I was five stories up and could fall to my death if I made one wrong step.

Not that I haven't thought about stepping off purposely.

Do I even want to live in a world without him?

No. I don't.

But I couldn't do that to my parents. 

Although I am wondering about getting counseling, just in case. I have no clue what to expect, but I'm worried. I don't want to accidentally tell anyone about my mate or werewolves - they'd think I was insane.

I let out a breath and climbed down from the building, holding my breath until I entered my window. It was on the fifth floor, so I could climb up and down pretty easily.

I sat on my bed, staring at the wall. I didn't even want to read, so you know something is wrong.  I didn't want a read romance, because it reminded me of him. I didn't want to read fantasy, because the werewolves also reminded me of him. 

Everything reminded me of him.

I still cry myself to sleep. It's been a week since I moved here. I need to pull myself together and get over him, but I can't.

Why do I have to love him? Why do I have to love at all?

Why couldn't I just have stayed away from werewolves? Why did I let him take me on a date? I should've stayed away.

I don't ever want to love again.

Jax's POV

I'm miserable.

Every day I miss Brooklyn more. Every day I fight with myself to not go after her.

I don't even know where she is.

And it's killing me.

Was Xander right? Is she in more danger without me? 

I keep repeating yesterday's conversation.

"Xander? What do you want?" I asked, still annoyed at him from our last argument.

He let out a breath, clearly still mad at me. "I don't care what you think, I'm just here to tell you that I have someone keeping tabs on Brooklyn to keep her safe, since you're clearly incapable."

I let out a growl. "Leave her alone. Let her move on."

"I am!" He snarled. "I'm making sure she isn't going to get kidnapped and tortured again!"

I flinched as if he'd hit me. I still feel guilty for her kidnapping. 

"So?" I growled. "Why are you telling me this?"

He let out a huff. "Geez, sorry, I mistakenly took you for someone who had a heart and actually cared. Don't worry, I won't make the same mistake again."

With that, he stormed out while I clenched my jaw angrily. 

I shook my head at the memory. Was I heartless? Maybe I should stop pretending to not care. 

I definitely care. I care about Brooklyn more than anyone. Ever.

I growled as I ran my fingers through my hair. I'd been doing that a lot lately.

Brooklyn's POV

I walked into the office I worked at now. I'm an editor.

My male coworkers kept glancing at me, and several went as far as trying to hit on me. Every time they do, it feels wrong. And I always compare them to him.

They don't have the same color hair. The same eyes. The same voice. The same lips. The same jaw. They don't have any of it. It isn't the exact same.

I only want him.

I tried so, so hard to get myself to like one of them. But I don't. I don't want them. I don't need any of them.

What is wrong with me? Why does nobody love me? Why does nobody want me? Why am I so freaking pathetic? 

Why am I not good enough? What is wrong with me?

I've decided to never love anyone again. To never get close romantically to anyone. The pain of knowing I'm not good enough and that they don't even like me isn't worth the temporary state of love.

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Oof.

This is going to become two books :) 

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Bai :)

-HKMisawesome

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