Undead

In Another World (353)

The tension in the room makes my throat feel tight. He shakes his head in disbelief.
"No creo esto. You're a fucking stranger to me Madison."
His words cut deeper into me than any knife ever could and I can feel my heart physically begin to shatter.
I choke back a sob. "Maybe you're not who I thought you were either."

My breath gets caught in my throat and I can feel my skin crackle with heat. My whole skin feels like it's on fire as I stare at him in disbelief. My chest feels heavy, uncomfortably heavy as I clutch it, trying to hold it together. I wonder if my heart is crying as much as I want to. I wonder if that pressure in my chest are the tears it's shedding as it breaks.

"I held your hand so tightly when you gave birth to Kara. I held it so tightly, I thought I'd break your fingers...but you held onto me just as tightly too, so I knew you were still there with me. I knew you were holding on. Until you weren't..." his voice trails off and when I look up at him, his eyes are filled with tears. He stares at me but, he doesn't see me. He's not looking at me, he's looking through me. It's clear that he's somewhere else, another time, another place.

He takes a deep breath "and suddenly your hands fell limp. I watched you die giving birth to Kara and you think that I'd make you have a baby you didn't want?"

His words stun me and I freeze. So does my heart.
It takes me a second to find my words and even when I do, it's a strangled whisper.
"What?"
He shakes his head and comes back to now. He looks at me now, seeing me.

"Even if you didn't die. Even if you gave birth and both of you returned home safe and happy, completely unfazed, unaffected. Even then, I would never, ever make you have a baby you didn't want. And I honestly cant believe you though I was capable of that. I can't believe that's who you thought I was. I thought we knew each other. I thought we respected each other but this is- ... this is too much Madison."

The door opens, interrupting our conversation. I'm half grateful because I couldn't find my words for him. Siddiq walks in, his face just as solemn as Kai's. Well, maybe not quite the same.
He sets a clipboard down on the table beside me. He sighs heavily as he takes a seat next to me. The sigh screams of disappointment.

"Madison, I understand your reasoning, but this was not the way to do it."
"Then what was?" I fire back almost instantly. I'm surprised my voice is strong enough to respond to him after speaking to Kai, yet somehow my tone was clipped and harsh.
"Would you have just taken me to our local clinic and given me a procedure to make this go away?" I can't help rolling my eyes.

Kai leans forward in his seat, listening but not watching. He stares down at his hands as he clasps them and unclasps them again.
"I understand. We don't have those facilities or the medication or quite frankly the training or experience. This wasn't my area of expertise. But we could've figured something out if you just waited a lit-"

I shake my head. "I can't wait around with this-" I wave my hand to my stomach. "-so that you and a group of other people, knowing my business, could go out and search for instruments you've never used and medicine that most likely isn't even there. Waiting wasn't an option. I had to deal with it my way."
"But Madis-"
I shake my head. "I know. I know. It was dangerous to do what I did."
He nods. "Extremely."
"But it wasn't wrong."
Neither of them reply.

I take a deep breath. "Did you do blood tests?" I ask, knowing the answer already.
"No." Siddiq answers.
"But we can. And we have the ultrasound here too. We'll figure this out Madison."
I nod and I feel my shoulders slump with relief.

He stands and makes his way to the far corner of the room, tugging on the big machine and hauling it towards us. My eyes flicker to Kai, who is now looking at me nervously. His hands are clasped together so tight that his knuckles have turned white.
"Wait!" I'm looking at Kai but I was addressing Siddiq without knowing it. 
I look back to him. He looks between Kai and I and I notice he stares at me for a second longer than necessary. He must note the alarm in my voice because he drops his arms from the machine and smiles politely and says
"I'll give you two a moment."
before quietly leaving the room.