Use me | chansung

🐍Gun's N roses🐍

.2 days later.

.Chan's pov.

We haven't spoken in a while, except for normal greetings or questions, but that was it. He stayed in the house and I stayed far away.

I couldn't look at him since he's spoken those words, they sent chills down my spine. I guess I was just too scared to hurt him that I cut him off right away, it'll be better this way.

"I'm going to sleep...need anything?"

He shakes his head lowly and doesn't even look my way. It seemed like he was about to cry. It didn't feel right, yet it was the right thing to do.

"Alright then"

I go to leave, but something holds me.

"Wait..." he lets go of my shirt and looks nowhere else.

"What is it...?" I ask and he sort of just backs away again.

"Nothing. it's..nothing.." he barely whispers and a nod.

"Alright well...goodnight" I leave him behind and close his door before going to my own room and shutting the door.

Why do I feel guilty for doing the right thing? Putting distance between us is crucial, after all I'm leaving soon.

I look at my phone and rewatch the hostage vidéo we took in my basement.

I think it's time we release it...so we can all get out of this mess once and for all.

<3

Jisung's pov.

I'm running away, I cannot do it anymore. I feel chained more then ever even if he isn't holding me physically. Why do I even feel bad?

I take one of the shirts he gave me and place it on my nose, it still smelled so good. I toss it across the room and change into my original clothes, tossing a hood over my head.

He won't speak to me, so I didn't dare ask for help when I was having a panic attack, even though he could probably hear me crying at night.

Though he only asked me to stay once and I said yes in the blink of an eye...and deep down i know it wasn't for his sister that I was doing this...it was for him. Wether it was the look he gave me when he was proud, or the pats he would give in my back once in a while.

It was a simple touch really...yet it always felt so good. He managed to make me stay in this house for almost two weeks now, but now I have to go, meet my pleasures and desires.

I won't sell him out but...I know he'd be gone as soon as he saw I was gone.

I walk in the corridor and go past his room quietly, watching him sleep peacefully.

"See you never...Chan" I whisper and head down the stairs without making a sound.

I head out the door without once looking behind, head first. Yet, this felt so strange.

I had never remembered how I got here, and here I am walking out of this small house I finally see from the outside. I look around to see no one even near, I was all alone in this street I remember as if it was yesterday.

I walk out of the alleyway and the distinct smell slowly leaves my lungs, as if it is ripped from me, as if I abandoned it.

Should I...go home? To the police so they stop searching for me? I don't really know where to start to be honest.

That's when it hits me...I didn't think of sex for the past couple of hours, maybe even more. I sigh and smile when I rethink about it.

Chan would be proud.

But who cares, he didn't want to get closer. He doesn't regard me anymore. I'm sure he'll find the money another way, or maybe a charity will help.

Fucking hell...if he were here he'd say I'm "running away by creating solutions to feel better".

Maybe I was doing that, probably all my life.

I can stop thinking about him now, it's over. Just think of sex, it's so easy usually, why is it so hard now? All I can think about are hugs and late night talk...and now I sound like a teen again.

It must be around 5 in the morning by now, I need to go home-

"Emergency news, we received a video early in the night of Han Jisung being held hostage. Authorities are doing everything they can to find where the video came from. We will keep you updated..." it came from a small radio on the corner of the street and I freeze for a moment.

Well now there is no going back.

<3

Chan's pov.

I wake up pretty early, i kept waking up during the night, just staring at the ceiling.

I was awake when he left in the night, but I couldn't move, I couldn't stop him. He had every right to leave, and I hope he's okay out there. 

I should never have kept him here.

I swore to myself I wouldn't get attached, but I guess I sort of did in the end. Now I guess I'll have to do some weird shit to get the money.

I grab my water bottle and head downstairs.

I have to send my sister to a hospital and disappear forever, never knowing if she fully healed or not, never seing her pretty eyes again. I take my hoodie and toss is above my head and freeze even I turn the corner.

"Jisung....?" I Say in a low voice and watch a smile crook on his lips.

"Hey...slept well?" He asked as if it were nothing, why had he come back?

"No actually, I didn't sleep much at all"

"That's a shame..." he smiles and gets off the counter he was always on.  

"Why did you come back...?" There was nothing else on my mind at the moment, nothing.

"Do you need to know the reason?" He turns to face a mirror and fix his hair, but I know it was only to look elsewhere.

I walk to him and block his view from the mirror,  face to face with a little bit of sun reflecting on us.

"Yes...I'd really like to know..."

"So you're speaking to me now? Is it only because you want answers?"

"It's more complicated then that."

"Then promise me that for the next couple of days, you won't ignore me. Then I can answer your questions"

We were closer then I could even process.

"Alright, I don't ignore you...now tell me"

"I...I've never really had someone take care of me like you do...well- that I haven't slept with..." he looks down and plays with his shirt. "For so long I've been, so fucking lonely, filling the void with people a-and I realized while walking away from here that I was falling back into the same place I used to be..."

I pick up his chin and point it towards me.

"But why did you come back...?" I look deep into his eyes.

"Because I could only think of you. Every single step I took"

He leans against the counter behind him and I can't help but lean forward, putting my hands each side of the counter, by his hips.

"I think we both got more attached...then we anticipated..."

"Yes....

I think we did..."