Use me | chansung

🐍Eagles🐍

Chan's pov.

Yet another night where jisung wakes up in cold sweat next to me, completely trembling and mumbling things. It takes me a few seconds to understand what was happening, but once I did, I took him in my arms. 

"Can I get you anything?" I say and he shakes his head, clenching his nails into my skin.

"N-need touch, please" he speaks and almost cries, I never knew how to help him when he was like this. It's like he wasn't there.

"Like a hug? Would I hug help?"

"N-no" he cries and takes my arm.

"It hurts. It hurts so badly" he's shifting uncontrollably and I hold his hand. "Please" he begs.

"What can i do to help you...?" I ask and he looks at me, half awake and desperate.  He holds onto me for dear life and cries out my name, like on his dying bed. "Jisung please, you're worrying me..."

"It hurts Chan..."

"Where does it hurt?"

"Everywhere." He looks at me like his soul is being ripped away.

"What can i do to help you?"

"Use me...."

<3

.Jisung's pov.

I wake up in the morning and look around confused, chan wasn't there. I remember the both of us smoking on the roof and then getting back in the house to watch a movie, after that was kind of blurry.

I know I went to bed with him by my side, so why did he get up?

I get out of bed and look around, until I go downstairs to be met with chan in the kitchen. He's cooking, his back facing me.

I walk up to him and sneak up right next to him, smiling.

"Goodmorning" I say and he doesn't even look at me, like I'm a ghost.

"Goodmorning" he says coldly and turns away to do something else. I brush it off and join him again on the other side, where he still doesn't look at me.

"So I was thinking, today we could play some video games? I haven't played in so long but I thought it'd be fun...what do you say?"

He doesn't answer and just walks away to be near the oven again.

"I've got things to do today"

"Oh...alright, how about tonight? Then maybe we can watch another movie?" I still keep my smile and yet he doesn't nothing to replicate.

"If we have time" he speaks lowly and goes into another room.

"What are you doing today? Can I help?"

"No"

"I-I swear I can be useful, just tell me what to do" I say happily and he finally turns to look at me with eyes that could break me. They are calm, like the first time I met him, but so cold to stare into. What changed since yesterday night and today?

"There are games in your room, just go play with those" he's speaking to me as if I'm a child.

"Yeah I know, but I wanted to play with...you"

He stops what he was about to say and simply walks away to another room, leaving me on the cold tile of the kitchen, staring off into an empty room.

I felt my throat get caught up and my fingers curl on themselves nervously.

"He's...ignoring me?"

<3

I went to my room and played for a bit, but soon got very bored, which had my eyes scan the room, until they met with one thing.

The camera.

When it was activated, there was a little red light that would open. It was activated and I stared at it, wondering. I've never wanted anyone's attention so badly, I wanted him to look at me like he always did, why was he acting this way?

I walk down the stairs, I didn't even eat after our little fuse back there. I get a few things out and start to cut some fruits up.

I look over at him on his computer, a very old one might I add. He looks focused more then ever and doesn't even look my way, I'm sure he's doing it on purpose...but why?

I don't notice but the knife of getting rather close to my fingers.

What could be possible want to achieve with this? Is he just in a bad mood? Why did I wake up with no one by my side? What is going on?!

"Shit-" I cut my finger opened and hold it, hissing as the blood drips down my arm. I cover it up and look at what I had done, it's pretty deep for a cut. Luckily blood doesn't freak me out.

I feel someone come behind me and take my hand, placing it under the water in the sink. I turn my head slightly to look at how close he was to me, how his breath was layering itself back on my shoulder.

I stay still as he washes my cut, until no more blood was coming out of it. He then turns me around and goes to find some bandages.

He comes back and finally look at me.

"Be more careful..." he speaks finally and I stare at him.

"Chan...did I do something wrong?" I didn't feel like going around the problem, I wanted fucking answers.

He stays quiet and finishes to wrap my finger up, then simply leaves without saying something.

"If you're not going to answer me anymore, I might as well fucking walk out of here"

He stops in his footsteps and sighs deeply.

"Jisung this isn't funny."

"What are you even talking about?!"

"Don't play with me."

"I'm not! Just tell me what the hell you're mad about instead of mopping about it!"

"Last night, you woke up in the middle of the night. And you said-"

"I don't remember waking up....what happened?"

"You don't recall...?"

"Nothing. What did I say?"

He looks at me baffled and still keeps his distance.

"Let's just say...we shouldn't get too close, we're here for one thing, and that is helping me raise money and you to get over your addiction. So please just...give me space"

He's gone again and I'm all alone, a bleeding finger and a soar throat.

"What did I say...?"

There is an echo of my voice but no answer.