Use me | chansung

🐍Rolling stones🐍

.Jisung's pov.

I jolt awake in cold sweat, breathing heavily. I forgot the downside of alcohol, it makes the pain go away, but as soon as it fades it hits ten times harder. I feel my legs shake and my pants get tighter.

"Fuck" I put a hand over my mouth and feel tears in my eyes. It's so painful, I can practically taste colours at this point. I need touch, rough and agressive. Now.

I get up and knock half of the things on the floor as I try and make it to something or someone.

"Chan?!" I fall on a wall and lean on it as best I can until I hear him coming out of bed. He had messy hair and no shirt on but I couldn't notice right away. I lean on him and he catches me.

"What's wrong? Jisung can you hear me?"

"I-it's painful" I keep shaking and tears threaten to fall down any second, my mind is spiralling.

"Where does it hurt?"

"Everywhere."

He takes me to his room and lays me down to touch my forehead. He then checks my pulse quickly before rubbing my thigh.

"Listen to me okay? Can you hear me?"

I nod and he starts to play with my hair.

I still feel like shit, memories are pouring into my head and I feel like fainting. I hate this, fuck it hurts.

"Let it all out...it's okay to cry"

I have nothing to cry about. Why would I want to cry? As soon as I think that, tears starts to swell in my eyes again and I let one fall down.

"Just like that...good boy" he says and it just all falls apart. I start to cry heavily, like I haven't in a really long time. Like all the weight on my shoulders just dropped. He holds onto me and I let it all out like he said.

"Chan" I manage to sob out and he holds me, playing with my hair.

"You've been suppressing this for way too long...cry for me...it's okay"

It felt good to finally cry, as odd as it sounds. Soon, the urges died down, but I was still feeling quite horrible, disgusted with myself.

"Focus on my scent, think about a rose field"

I bury my nose in his neck and practically moan lowly, this felt good, the only part of this that felt good. I lean into him completely and try and forget the pain, the fear.

"Can you hold m-me?" I say barely.

He lays down with me and holds my back, rubbing it calmly. For some reason, I actually managed to calm down when he does, when I feel his skin on mine. This was a dangerous game, we were closer then we've ever been. I can almost feel my skin melt into his.

He wasn't hurting me, or touching me in any special place, but why did it feel so good?

I pull away from him and look into his eyes, how beautiful they were. I reach to touch his face and he lets me cup his cheek. I feel my heart race and I get closer.

But he backs away.

"You should get some rest" he moves just enough so that my hand isn't on his cheek anymore, which left me confused, I don't think I've ever been told no.

"You want me to leave...?" I say, genuinely.

"You can stay here for the night...I'll sleep on the couch"

"Why can't you sleep here?" I ask as I hold his jacket, but he goes away.

"Jisung..."

"I don't want to be alone right now, can't you stay? I won't do anything. I promise" I held onto him like my life depended on it. "Please..."

He finally sat back on the bed and sighed deeply, looking straight into my eyes.

"I can stay with you...but only because you're not feeling well" he says and lays down on the bed, so I follow his lead. He pulls the covers on me, makes sure I get most of the pillow and gives me practically all the blanket. What a strange kidnapper...

He turns the other way, so his back faces me.

I wait a little while and cannot seem to sleep even if he is right next to me. Maybe that's why I can't sleep? He's all I really think about.

I turn to him and bury my face in his back, breathing is and smiling. I wanted to wrap my hands around him, but I know he'd push me away. He's afraid of getting attached, as am I. After this he leaves, never to be seen again.

"Is this what you call 'not doing anything'?"

"A hug never hurt anyone..." I let my arm slide on his ribs and I go even closer, testing his limits.

"Are you this touchy with everyone?"

"Yeah pretty much, people usually like it when I touch them...like this..." I let my fingers slide on his chest and felt how warm his skin was. "Don't you enjoy being caressed? Hugged?"

"I don't get that often..."

"Then stop complaining, relax" I closed my eyes and it didn't take long for me to be tired. "G'night" I mumbled.

"Goodnight..."

<3

.Chan's pov.

I wake up in an empty bed, like I've always done. But this time it wasn't normal. This time it felt even colder then usual, felt so lonely.

I turn to look and jisung was gone. There wasn't even a trace of him, the sheets were cold and tossed around.

Had he left? Had he escaped me?

The monster that I am.

I assume it's all lost then...right? I won't get the money for my sister because I let him into my bed, because I couldn't say no to affection I've been craving. Fuck.

I was about to pack my bags when I smell something.

It smelled like vanilla.

It smelled like jisung.

I head downstairs in a hurry, throwing a shirt over my head and looked all over until I was met with someone in the kitchen.

"Hey" he says, as if it was nothing, just a simple greeting to the person he probably hates most.

"Hey..." I say and watch him place the eggs into my plate. He hands it to me, but I stare at him confused.

"I was going to wake you but...you looked so cute that I didn't dare"

"Why are you doing all of this...?"

"Doing what?" He asked, looking at me.

"This. Being nice. To me. Why?" He should hate me, he should have run away from me forever, ran to someone, his family.

"I don't know...I guess im going to live here with you for a little while. I'll get my shit together and you raise money, it's a win win...so why not make the best of it?" He gives me a smile and I take the plate he hands me.

"Jisung...?" I say and he turns around, looking at me with all his features, attentive.

"Chan...?"

I was about to speak...

When the doorbell rang.