Mixed Direction

Chapter Seventeen: Reactions

"What if it's negative?" Jade asks in a quiet tone.

"It won't," Perrie replies.

"It might," I shrug my shoulders.

"You doubting my judgement?" Perrie asks in a joking tone. "I've obviously done six years of medicine," Perrie adds and Jade and I laugh at her. "Nah, I just hope I haven't made some assumption that's going to be wrong and pull Jesy to pieces," Perrie says, playing with her fingers and slumping down on the couch. Well, she's nervous. ALWAYS plays with her fingers when she's nervous.

"Me neither," Jade adds and tucks her knees up to her chest.

If I were to find out that I was pregnant, today, then I would probably freak out. Like be shitting myself type of freaking out.

Jesy walks into the room holding the stick, looking down at it in shock. Shock is good right? Shock can mean your happy, right? But it can also mean you've been let down. Or you've been told something that you cannot deal with.

"Jes?" Jade asks her. I watch Jesy look up, her eyes filled with tears and her hands starting to shake.

"I'm pregnant," Jesy manages to get out, right before Jade, Perrie and I start screaming and jumping around the room like when we won X Factor.

"Is this good?" Perrie asks Jesy once we stop screaming.

"Yes, yes," Jesy starts to cry. "I'm having a baby," Jesy looks overjoyed.

I cannot believe this has actually happened. After so long she is finally pregnant and she has been given one of the most amazing gifts.

"You're going to be a Mum," Jade holds Jesy's shoulders as they both cry out of happiness. I feel my own tears rolling down my cheeks and use my sleeves to dry my eyes.

"Sucked in woman," Perrie jokes, walking towards the bunk room.

Jade chucks something at Perrie at it hits her in the back of the head as she walks away, making us all crack up.

"Well, that's my inspiration," Jesy tells us, nodding in the direction of Perrie. We all laugh and take seats on the couch, looking at the pregnancy test that has the word 'pregnant' in the little zone where the results come up.

"Do you know how far pregnant you are?" Jade asks Jesy.

"It's from your last period generally," Perrie says, walking back into the room, now not wearing the coat she was before.

"Well, then about three weeks," Jesy replies. Oh, that's pretty early on. "So don't go telling people. Because this isn't something I want getting everywhere. Kind of need to tell my husband first," Jesy reminds us and we all laugh, nodding our heads in agreement that we won't tell.

"Do you want a ballerina or a footballer?" I ask Jesy, referring to a baby girl or a baby boy.

"I don't mind. I guess a ballerina would be adorable but a footballer would be gorgeous," Jesy replies, a big smile spread across her face, the indicator of pure happiness and joy. I guess is is true. When women say they just want happy and healthy.

Words don't have the power to explain everything. Life has the power to create everything. A life is a life and at the end of the day, the best we can do is to enjoy it.

{Perrie's POV}

Mess. Something my children love to create but something that holds memories for them... and even for me. The word 'mess' can mean different things. People all react to things differently, including words.

You see mess to most people, is what the dictionary says: a dirty, untidy, or disordered condition. What my home normally looks like. What my children create. Something that's almost impossible to avoid.

The definition of mess for me, is practically my life. You can tell me all you want that I have it great and we should build a white picket fence, but the reality stings- the reality that my white picket fence would be blown down in a millisecond.

When I entered the house this morning, nothing had changed. I'm not saying our home is a pig sty, but there's generally toys hidden behind pillows and someones coat on the back of the chair. There's shoes in doorways and papers blown under the couches.

Ellie, Lillie and Rosie came running, making more noise than all the zoo animals as they greeted me. Then Louis decided to do the exact same. And Zayn, he came over and gave me a hug and peck on the cheek. The 'no fighting' thing didn't last long. I left home at the end of another fight, so it's still partly awkward.

The warm water coming from the faucet tingles my cold hands as I wash them after using the toilet. I then shut off the water and dry my hands with the towel. I take a moment to look in the mirror, trying to find a sense of reality in this mess.

I look at my fair skin and blonde hair, pulled tightly back into a high ponytail, the hair only reaching the nape of my neck in length. My eyes are a greyish sort of blue again and I have only just noticeable black circles under my eyes.

"Are you okay?" Zayn asks as I walk out of our ensuite and back into the bedroom.

"Um," I mumble, standing in the open space, looking at him sitting on the end of the bed, reading some children's book. The girls are asleep at the moment and Louis went out, so the house is quiet. "You might need to go and check the bathroom," I motion to the door behind me.

Zayn shoots me a quizzical look but ventures off into the bathroom anyways, leaving me pacing back and forth across the room, fiddling with my fingers and waiting for him to return.

I should've known something like this would happen. I should've acted upon it straight away, but instead I'm now panicking, my life is a fucking mess again- mind you, when did that even stop- and my reactions to things have been completely different to others.

I hear a noise behind me and stop pacing, turning to face Zayn who is standing in the doorway, biting his bottom lip, displaying the same reaction as me.

"Fuck?" I ask.

"Fuck," he confirms, nodding his head.

I flop back onto the bed and lie there, looking at the white ceiling, my hands gripping gently at the duvet below me. The bed dips next to me and I feel Zayn's right shoulder touching my left one as we just lie in silence on the bed.

"It had to happen now," I mutter, rolling my eyes. "Jesy has just found out that she's pregnant, this morning," I tell Zayn, looking to my left where he's already looking at me.

"Really? That's great, right?" Zayn asks, a smile on his face.

"It's perfect!" I respond, releasing a sigh afterwards. "Jesy has finally got what she has been wanting for ages. Everything will hopefully be amazing for her!" I smile in happiness for Jesy. "You should've seen her reaction. The biggest smile ever! Jes is beyond over the moon," I tell Zayn and he just listens.

"And you're worried," Zayn states. I nod my head and look back at the ceiling. "Because you're afraid something like this will ruin the happiness of Jesy having a baby."

"Exactly," I respond. "Steal her happy thunder."

I feel like an absolute idiot. I didn't need this now. Nobody needs this now. I can't believe it's happening but it is. It's a mess!

"Well, we just won't mention it," Zayn says.

"Agreed."

"Pregnant," Zayn mumbles. "Wouldn't have expected it."

"Jesy's pregnancy?" I ask. I think we were all expecting it to occur at some point. I mean they've been trying for four years now.

"No, idiot," Zayn chuckles and I look at him, a laugh leaving my mouth. "We were all waiting for Jesy to fall pregnant. It's about time!" Zayn rolls his eyes and I nod my head.

Zayn's hand rests down on my lower stomach and he places his hand underneath my top, gently moving his fingers against my cold skin.

"Fuck," I mumble and Zayn nods his head in agreement with me this time.

"Yep! Fuck," he replies.