Blood Soaked Arrows (On Hold)

(13) The Guilty

Everyone was silent as we stood circling around Dale’s grave. His body was already buried and people’s tears had long since dried up. At first I had cried and yelled just as strongly as the rest of the group had but now I just felt empty and used. I wasn’t sure what it was I was supposed to do next. Should I tell the rest of the group that I was sorry for their loss or just go back to my ‘tank’.

I felt like an outsider imposing in on the group’s private moments. Everyone else was consoling one another and reminiscing about what Dale had done or said to them, while I stood by myself looking down at his fresh grave. Maybe it was because they didn’t know that Dale and I had shared a moment and that was the reason why no one approached me, or maybe it was because nobody cared how hurt I felt.

I shook my head at the tears that started to brim the corners of my eyes. This wasn’t about me right now, this was about Dale. With a deep breath I swiped the tears away with the palm of my hand and stared down at Dale’s grave. Every time I looked down at the freshly turned dirt I could picture Dale being the one buried only a few feet under. In my head I kept imagining that he was standing behind me and I just wanted to look over my shoulder to smile at him, but he was there. He would never be there again.

There was a sound of shoes moving through the tall grass and I turned praying that it would be Dale, but before I could even get my hope up my brain reminded me that I was standing over his grave. Seeing an angry tear stained Andrea though definitely caught me off guard.

“This is all your fault.” She spat before pulling back her hand to slap me.

I bewilder as to how something like this could be my fault that I didn’t even think to doge the slap. The sting of her hand smacking against my flesh had more bite then I had expected. The slight pain had barely registered to me before I was bombarded with more of her screams.

“If you would have just given us the vaccination Dale wouldn’t have been killed. You killed Dale you self-serving bitch!” She pulled her hand back a second time for another hit but someone grabbed ahold of her wrist.

I followed Andrea’s as we both looked up to see that it had been Rick. His eyes were focused Andrea as he spoke. “This isn’t her fault.”

“Dale died because a walker attacked him. A walker!” She explained furiously as if she had been the only one who witnessed it. “If he would have had the vaccination he could have pulled through. Dale could have lived.”

“No, he wouldn’t have.” I said weakly but they had caught it. I averted my eyes from the two and looked down at my boots. “Dale’s abdomen was ripped open along with other organs, he was going to die even if he did have the vaccination. There was nothing I could’ve done.”

Andrea stared angrily at me for a long time before her face scrunched back up in anguish. “I know that. I know. I’m sorry I just didn’t want him to die.” She sniffled yanking her wrist away from Rick and running away.

I watched as she left feeling mix between remorse and regret. If I had given Dale the vaccination would he have held off the Geek differently? Would he still be alive?

Rick cleared his throat forcing me to pull myself out of my own thoughts and to focus back on him. “Andrea isn’t normally like this. She’s just…we’ll all just going through a really hard-

I cut him off by putting up my hand. “I know,” I said with a light smile. “Ya’ don’t have to explain anything to me.”

Before he could make another remark or start up an awkward conversation with me I turned away from him. I had noticed Daryl leaning up against the side of a tree staring at Dale’s grave and suddenly I wondered if Daryl blamed me for his death as well. The rest of the group was dispersing now so we were close to being alone.