Sigyn's Discovery (Part 1)

Pain Means Healing (SIGYN)

The battle raged, and I worried. Soldiers said it felt like minutes, when really the fighting lingered for nearly two hours of assault. Anything hitting the palace's shield made a terrifying crash that ricocheted through the servantry—Tiwaz hid under my bed all day as a result and refused to come out for his evening meal.

My worry for Asgard was only triumphed by my worry for False Odin and what he might return with. Part of me wished he sustained injury enough to need my help, while another part hoped he and I would never be forced to cross paths again. It had been only a day since I shared my body and his bed, but his presence in my mind had lingered for much longer, making his sudden apathy all the more cruel.

For better or worse, he returned to the palace unharmed, and I was given orders for his final meal of the day. This time, I didn't speak at all when leaving the tray in his black foyer. He'd find it well enough without my making an announcement. The last thing either of us needed was a quarrel.

Loads of adrenaline rushed through my veins, keeping me awake long into the night. More combat loomed on the horizon. I felt like Tiwaz, safer in my bed than anywhere else, even if no one would think to look for me when the dust settled.

As I stared at the ceiling, the wound in my heart was still too fresh to ignore. Intimate conversations with Loki replayed in my head over and over again, torturing me.

"You're divine," he said, nuzzling into my neck some time after our third tryst. For a man somewhat notorious for being suspiciously quiet, Loki certainly enjoyed the soft banter that followed sex. It stripped away any façade to influence each other into giving up ourselves—after all, there was no need for false pretense once we discovered the glory of moving together.

I bit my lower lip and hummed at the slight tickle of his breath. "No. True divinity is in the stars."

"The stars?" Loki pulled back to look me in the eye. "Ah, yes. I see some in you after all."

I laughed as a warm thrill pulsed through me from his charm. His words were so perfectly crafted to break down my boundaries, I toyed with the thought that he could read my mind.

"And," he said, bringing my focus back to him with a more grounded tone, "one shouldn't argue with me about the cosmos. I'm more well-versed than most."

"Is that so?" I said, still fighting off a quiet giggle.

"Oh, yes." Loki grinned with his whole face and rested his chin on his arms, which were folded on my chest as he looked at me. "I can tell you anything you'd ever want to know."

Somehow he grew all the more irresistible with each passing moment, enhancing his appeal with intellect. He wasn't incapable of complex thought like some of the well-built men I'd met in my youth—those mindless brutes might've been nice to look at, but they were beyond dull and gave me no thrill. Most of them couldn't see beyond their next sunset and claimed to live life as if every day were their last. While that was admirable, their behavior said otherwise. They were so focused on showing off their status and making empty promises that they didn't bother to actually learn how to please and keep repeat lovers. After a single night with some of them, it was no wonder why they had a reputation for conveniently being called to off-world duties soon after they'd taken a new partner to bed. Better to escape than admit they fell short.

Loki couldn't have been more different. Not only were his skills in the sheets undeniable, he never lost the proper, formal edge under his words. Noble and royal and ever-careful—as if he were afraid someone would judge him poorly and declare him unworthy at any moment. He treated every opportunity as a chance to prove himself, over-achieving whenever he could, impossibly hoping to escape the disappointment of others while also getting his own way.

"I don't doubt that you know everything," I said, spinning one of his looser curls around my finger, openly admiring him.

He chuckled. "Truth be told, you weren't wrong about their origins. Most stars are former gods and goddesses themselves, of course. Which is your favorite?"

I sighed. "I'm afraid they have escaped me all my life."

"Which means...?"

"I don't know enough about them to have a favorite. Mother knew they fascinated me, so she read stories and painted them often. Perhaps you could teach me about yours instead."

"Ah—but the best way to learn about the stars is to see them." Loki stared into me again with a cock of his brow. "I'm still mapping the ones hiding in all your deep blue."

I rolled my eyes, but only because I wanted to distract him from how fiercely I blushed. "Well, either way, one can't see much within Asgard's walls, and I haven't been beyond the city's bright lights since I was a young girl. The mountains are strangers to me now." An old memory of sitting by a homemade fire with my father flashed into my mind, making me wistful for his strong presence—and a sign that I had his blessing to change my fate with the man at my side.

Loki's brow furrowed. "Can't see them from the city? That's not true."

"You must know something I don't, then. I try nearly every night."

He hummed. "Perhaps you simply haven't been high enough."

My stomach flipped with hope. "Is there such a place?"

"There is." Loki teased me by stopping there, shifting his body to slide his right hand up and down my side again. This intermission was short.

"Well?"

"I won't tell you. I'll show you. Soon." He kissed the center of my chest, gearing up for more.

"Is that a promise?" I whispered.

Loki stopped to meet my gaze again. "The closest thing to a promise I can make."

My body yearned for him, as did my heart, which refused to acknowledge the sickening doubt in my gut that he'd ever return my affection. "Take me to the stars, Loki," I said, opening my arms to bring him closer and answer his new appetite. "Take me..."

He kissed me like he did the first time—deep, slow, satisfying—filling me above, below, and in between. A god he was, and I knew why.

Could he ever see me as a goddess? As his equal? Was it possible to take him places he had never been?

Back in my lonely, cold chamber, fighting the tears I'd won against the night before, I now wished I could be more like Tiwaz in other ways—maybe then, I would've seen through Loki's false promise and saved myself the grief.

Alas, one day removed from his arms meant one day closer to forgetting him.