The Squib and the Werewolf (book 2)

62. Love Hurts

Remus was not happy that Raya had decided to give Sophia temporarily to Molly. But she reminded him that Sophia was her daughter not his, so it was her decision to make.
Raya tried to keep her promise to Molly, and not isolate herself in bedroom. But she still couldn't bring herself to actually leave the house.
To give her some space to grieve, Dumbledore decided to make the Burrow the Order headquarters instead of 12 Grimmauld Place.
This meant that during the day it was just Raya and Remus alone in the building.
But they knew their solitude wouldn't last forever, as the end of term was approaching and the boys would be coming home soon.

With Sirius dead, and Sophia gone, there was an awkwardness between the siblings. And sometimes Remus and Raya would eat dinner in silence.
"Tell me something" said Raya one evening, as she stirred her soup.
"Tell you what?" Asked Remus.
"I don't know. Anything. Something I don't know, or haven't heard" replied Raya.
"Actually there is something I've been meaning to tell you"
"Really? What is it?"
"Fudge has officially cleared your name and Sirius's name. He made a statement in the Daily Prophet, revealing that you were never death eaters, and that Peter was the traitor all along"
"Well, it's a bit late now. Sirius is dead"
"I know, but at least when you do go outside, people won't stare at you anymore".

"I will always be stared at, regardless of what gets written in the paper about me... Anything else new happened that's interesting enough to tell me?" Questioned Raya.
"No" said Remus, as he looked away from Raya.
"I think there is. You know you can't lie to me. I may not be able to perform Legillimancy like someone with magic. But you're my brother, and I can always tell when you are lying or hiding things from me" replied Raya.
"Fine, I'll tell you. It's about Tonks" revealed Remus.

"What about her? Is she back with her parents?" Questioned Raya.
"Yes, luckily her injuries were not too serious, and she was allowed to leave St Mungo's after a few days" answered Remus.
"That's good. Why did you bring her up? Quizzed Raya.
"Well, as you know I took her and Alastor to St Mungo's after the battle, so that their injuries could be treated. And while woozy from the blood loss, Tonks admitted that she likes me"
"You mean she has a crush on you?"
"Not exactly. She fancies me, and wondered if we could go out".

"So, what did you tell her?" Asked Raya.
"No, of course" replied Remus.
"Why? Don't you like her?" Questioned Raya.
"Of course. She's pretty, sweet, and a real badass. But I can't go out with her"
"Why not?"
"For the same reason you pulled a face when I mentioned that she liked me"
"I didn't pull a face, I was just suprised, that's all. Because she's-"
"A lot younger than me"
"Yeah, I guess so. She's also fun and quirky, whereas you're straight faced and boring. No offence. So, I didn't think you'd be her type".

"Um, offence taken. I am not boring" insisted Remus defensively.
Raya raised an eyebrow, "Sure you're not. Even when we were kids, you always the most dull Marauder. That's why you were a Prefect, and we weren't".
"Being a Prefect doesn't mean you are boring" replied Remus.
"Alright, maybe boring is the wrong word. Perhaps studious is more fitting... All I am saying is that you and Tonks's personalities don't exactly match. She's young and groovy, and you're not" admitted Raya.
"I think you'll find that I have many wonderful qualities, which would attract a woman to me"
"I'm sure you do. Yet, you have never been in love with a woman. And when one offers herself to you, you turn her down".

Remus sighed, "You know why I can't date Tonks. I am not boyfriend material. I am too old, too poor, and if you hadn't noticed, also a werewolf".
"If she likes you, then she clearly doesn't care about those parts of your life" replied Raya softly.
"Look, she's the same age as Molly's son Charlie" reminded Remus.
"So? We are not as old as Molly or Arthur"
"Maybe not. But there is still a big age gap between me and Tonks"
"There was one between me and Sirius"
"It wasn't as big"
"No maybe not. But you are both adults. Tonks isn't a minor".

"Even if we were closer in age, I still wouldn't date her. She deserves someone whole, and that is not me. I am a werewolf. I will never be able to give her a normal life, with children in it. You are the person I am closest to, and I hurt you several times. I could never risk doing that to someone else" revealed Remus.
"But the Wolfsbane potion makes you remember who you are every full moon, so that you won't hurt anyone else" reminded Raya.
"I still can't take that risk. I scarred you for life. And if I had bitten you, you could have ended up like me" replied Remus.
"Is that why you've never tried to get yourself a partner?"
"Yes. I can't risk hurting them".

"They say it's better to love and lose, than to never love at all. And I think I am inclined to agree. I'm in a lot of pain right now, but I would never change anything about my time with Sirius" informed Raya.
"You weren't the one that killed him. If you had caused your lovers death, with your bare hands, you would know that that's something I cannot risk doing" admitted Remus.
"Isn't that Tonks's choice? If she's willing to take that risk, then shouldn't you?" Asked Raya.
"She doesn't really know me. She doesn't understand how hard it is to be around a werewolf"
"But she clearly wants to get to know you. Maybe you should give it a go. If it doesn't work out, then at least you can say you tried".

"No. I just can't risk it. So, please, can you just drop it" begged Remus.
"Alright, I'll butt out. It's not my life afterall, it's yours. And who am I to tell you what to do with your life. You didn't approve of me dating Sirius at first, but you didn't force us apart, because you wanted me to be happy. And you knew it wasn't your place to say who I could and couldn't date... I want the same for you. I want you to feel as happy as I felt" informed Raya.
"I'm glad that you care so much. But I am happy, here with you. You're my little sister, and keeping you safe will always be my top priority" announced Remus.
"That's good to know... But I just wish you would prioritise other things as well"
"You are all I need right now"
"Alright then. I won't mention Tonks again".