You are my king, and you are my queen

Soukoku shitpost again

CUZ WHY NOT DONT U GUYS LOVEEEEEE MY SHITPOSTS HAH
(I'm just kidding lol)
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Chuuya: ...why...what did I do to deserve this
Oda: Chuuya, please don't
Chuuya screaming at the top of his lungs: DAMN YOU TO HELL SHITTY DAZAI I AM NOT DOING YOUR SCHEDULE FOR TODAY
Dazai in the agency's office having fun in chuuya's body: sharing is caring chibi, time to share with me those messages~
Atsushi witnessing 'Chuuya' open his phone, scroll through messages, get super angry, and stomp out of the room: Kunikida san I sense murder
Kunikida: ????????
Ranpo, the know it all: oh lol wouldn't wanna be in those people's shoes
Yandere dazai strikes again, and once Chuuya returns to his body, he was struck by the fact that so many of his messages from his fans had been deleted
And also the fact that dazai literally removed his social media profile, all because Chuuya once posted a video of him breaking a watermelon with his thighs, and that wasn't of his own will, it was Atsushi who suggested advertising the agency with the awesomeness of their members
Dazai: I guess I should be glad Chuuya holds back on me even when we're doing that
Oda: ...What the hell were you even doing in between hi- oh...I did not want to know about that dazai
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In the next installation of nikochuu arc, we finally reach the husbands
Dazai, Fyodor, Atsushi and sigma, all seated at the agency table, although it was more like Atsushi and sigma being the parents of two rowdy children and finally going to teach them a lesson. A lesson on satisfying their wives lest they get divorced, and while Atsushi didn't like dazai much, he wasn't sure he'll prefer Nikolai, so this was for the sake of his sanity. As for sigma, well, he didn't really care he did prefer Chuuya over Fyodor but still, as Nikolai's 'friend', never will that man ever hear that, he will do his part.
Dazai: so what are we doing here Atsushi kun?
Fyodor literally gonna fall asleep then sigma slams the table super hard, scaring all of them. Now Atsushi had bribed sigma with money(that he got from Akutagawa lol) to upgrade his casino but now looking at the very terrifying sigma he wonders whether it was a good idea.
Sigma: no more chess games.
Dazai and Fyodor: tf-
Sigma at Fyodor: no more computers or electronic devices
Sigma at dazai: no over planning or overthinking just fucking do it you morons unless you want to be single again
Atsushi was scared and amazed, but Fyodor and dazai were just scared, seeming bout ready to cower in their seats. Of course they would, sigma's hair was literally flying and his eyes were literally glowing Atsushi didn't know how he was doing it but this was kind of amusing to watch so never mind.
Dazai: ehehe what do you mean-
Sigma: I MEAN WHAT I SAID
Fyodor clearly not really understanding: *confused rat noises*
Sigma throwing his hands up in the air and stomping out of the room: THIS ISNT MY PROBLEM ANYMORE I WILL TELL NIKOLAI HE CAN MARRY CHUUYA NOW
and finally, the two husbands got it.
Fyodor and dazai: ...WAIT WHAT
Atsushi sighing as they turn towards him, he should have brought water damn it, judging by their faces, he'll have to explain a lot of things. Why was this his problem again? Oh right, his sanity may be at stake. Right. Right...
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More ranpoe for yall
Ranpo: Poe kun???
Poe, crying as he hugs his torn manuscript, all out sobbing: g...hic...gomen... hic...asai ran...hic...ranpo kun
Of course with ultra deduction, ranpo immediately found out that some random teenagers thought it funny to harass Poe and tear his manuscript
Ranpo literally out for blood but torn between going to attack those teenagers and comforting his Poe: Chuuya, help me out on this
Chuuya, kind of understanding what was going on but still reluctant: do it yourself edogawa
Ranpo, already going to comfort Poe: there are some girls in the mafia hitting on dazai-
Chuuya, completely sold on this: names edogawa Names.
Well, neither those girls nor those teenagers were safe from the indirect wrath of edogawa ranpo and the direct wrath of nakahara chuuya, and Poe managed to rewrite a better version after that so all is fine, after ranpo got in a punch or two when Chuuya dragged them back to the agency of course.
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Now, it had always been a mystery why it is everytime fukuzawa and mori always glared at each other so intensely every time they met, and exactly why mori would never fail to give our dear current boss the lecture on kinks and bdsm and fukuzawa being all don't have public sex at Chuuya. That is, until ranpo thought it amusing to out them in one of their meetings where dazai had dragged the old boss back for no particular reason than to aid ranpo in his mischief.
Fukuzawa and mori: staring at each other with their aura almost suffocating
Ranpo: CAN YOU STOP WITH THE SEXUAL TENSION ALREADY YUKICHI AND HUSBAND
Everyone else with the exception of dazai: *mechanically turns their heads towards the outed husbands like robots*
Mori: *visible surprise*
Fukuzawa: *visible panic beneath his mask of calmness, but the mask was cracking*
Chuuya, of course he caught on to what was going on, he needed to possess enough sharpness to follow his partner of 7 years and husband of 4 years after all: fukuzawa sensei, don't tell me the reason you always told me to refrain from making out in public places...
Nikolai who was there with his bestie: *whistles* damnnnnnnn
Dazai, adding on to chaos: ohhhhhhhhhhh mori sannnnn now I know why you know so many kinks and why your explanations were always so detailed
With intelligence, fukuzawa slid a hand around mori's waist, which of course made everyone ooo like a choir, and then he grabbed the man like a sack of potatoes and made his escape.
Dazai making a observation: well now we know who's the top
Chuuya: god I swear shitty dazai did you have to?
Yosano, leading the charge: COME MY FELLOW MEN, WOMEN AND EVERYONE IN BETWEEN,
Kouyou, doing the exact same thing fukuzawa did on yosano, except she carried her bridal style instead: WE SHALL SEEK ANSWERS
Everyone, literally everyone: LETS GO
And literally everyone left, except ranpo of course, since he did this entire thing to distract the rest so he could finally have an opportunity to do kinky shit with his dear Poe without people coming in between to cockblock them.
Ranpo, already taking off his coat and hat: come Edgar we don't have a lot of time let's get down to business
Poe, not really understanding why ranpo was pulling him under the table: what business ranpo ku-
Yah uh, one of them couldn't walk for a while after that because well ranpo's a beast when he gets his way
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Also, I present to u this poem that I actually feel is decent from one of my ideas of soukoku angst so if u guys like it well come pester my lazy ass to write it cuz well yah my inertia is just that strong

With this pen I will write a fairytale
With this book as my canvas, I will bring the words to life
And with my mind, I will create a life with everything that you had lost
For the one I love who does not requite
He, who wishes for that life but speaks not of it
So, as my last act in the play of 'Love',
Even as I will no longer walk with you,
I will gift you that world that could have been
All your fantasies, dreams, and wishes whispered on a wishing star
With my blood, sweat and tears, they shall come true
Through my heart and with my life
That will be my promise, my confession of love, and my farewell to you
May your smile always be, and your joy always true
That will be your thank you, and all that I  can ask of you
As I finally recite my role's final line: Well, I guess this is goodbye then, shitty dazai