from Time to Time | Lucius Malfoy

Twice

Time flew by, after about half an hour and endlessly shifting back and forth in my chair, I couldn't stop myself. I had to see where he was. "Excuse me for a moment, the tea..." Narcissa looked at me and smiled softly. "Oh, of course. Through the drawing room and-" - "-the second door on the right, yes I know ." Narcissa blinked. Severus didn't say anything. I got up and rushed to the stairs. I didn't care what they thought, when my instincts weren't letting me down Lucius was about to find out who I was. And I couldn't let that happen. Not now.

I rushed up to the 2nd floor, met Dobby whispering something to me and I just nodded. The door to his study was open. I stood in the doorway for a while, he didn't even notice me. He was holding a photo album in his hands, I was too curious and wanted to know if he had figured it out already. "Your thoughts are too loud," he finally said but didn't look up at me. My heart stopped for a moment as his gaze eventually pierced me.

"I take it that in the picture...it isn't your mother, your cousin, your aunt, is it? The one who looks confusingly just like you?" No, that was me. I shook my head and took a step toward him, fumbling with my fingers on my sleeve. "No..." Lucius' gaze was unwavering. He showed no weakness. He didn't look away like I did. "And how do you get from there to here?" At home I already feared this question but hearing it now is even worse and I didn't know the answer yet. How should I explain that...

"From the living room? To the study? Up the stairs." It couldn't have been any cheekier.

Lucius' mouth twitched. Oh dear...

"Let's try it this way: how can you stand next to me in 1961 and look like you do today, 30 years later, without having aged a single day?" The question was quite specific. A snappy answer was no longer enough. I thought for a moment. Probably a little too long since he turned the photo album so I could see it and tapped at me. "Here. Look. That's you, isn't it?".

I nodded. "Yes, that's me. I-" but he cut me off again. "Why did you leave? Why did you run away? Was it really my fault? Father said it was my fault. Why? And why the hell did you keep appearing like a ghost? I saw you. You were there. On my first day of school, when the train left the station." "I... your father wasn't a nice person at all, you know..."

Silence.

"Tell me something I don't know yet. You think he was nicer when you left? You could leave, I couldn't. So?" It never occurred to me that he might have fared badly after I left. That his father might have treated him unfairly, even badly. "I wanted to return but I couldn't. Not forever. But I couldn't let go either... I needed to see you. See you growing up. See you becoming happy."

Silence.

I sighed. This man wouldn't let go... "A time-turner. I traveled in time. It wasn't on purpose, Lu. The day I met you and your father was chosen by chance. It was to be my last time travel before I started my residency at Hogwarts. And then it all happened in quick succession and-" Lucius stood up. "Blow after blow? You were here for a whole year and gave me hope that something like love, security, fun and happiness existed. Only to then take it away from me again!" I grabbed his arm. "No, Lu. Listen to me. I didn't plan on this! I didn't want to leave but your father, he was horrible to me, he proposed to me. In fact, he told me he was going to marry me . He hurt me. A lot. As much as you can hurt a woman." Lucius lowered his gaze. Yes, that sounded a lot like his father.

"I had to go, Lu. I had to go back to my own time. I lived a life that wasn't supposed to be mine. I thought maybe another woman owned this life here. Maybe a woman your father loves and treats well, a woman who would love your father and you even more... I didn't want to leave you or let you down, believe me, but I simply had to go back to my own time, my year... and no, I don't have forgotten about you. I never did. That's why I keep coming back. Not only once."

"You were at my first Quidditch game. And at my graduation. You were at my wedding and at the party when Draco was born. I saw you. I know you were there but I thought I was crazy, insane! I thought you would be a ghost!" He snapped at me. Yeah, I hadn't really thought about aging that much. As my little blond brat got older and grew into a man, I stayed the same age. I tried very hard not to identify myself but he was just looking for me during all these events. "You're not crazy." That was all I could think of. Lucius just shook his head. "I know."

Silence again.

Suddenly he took a step towards me. "Severus-" he started and I grinned. "It wasn't planned. Coincidence, promise! I didn't know him before, I didn't know you were friends, I never noticed him anywhere. I first saw him when I came to Hogwarts last September. I think fate brought us together. Him and me. And you and me. Twice..."

The blond, tall man who smelled definitely of firewhiskey took another step towards me. My gaze fell on the teacup on the floor and I just shook my head, that can't be true. "You've been drinking." There was a motherly reproach in my words and he smirked as he stretched out his arms and finally wrapped them around me, hugging me gently. "Don't let my wife know, mummy."