When I began my second year of Uni, I was 20.
I was a new person.
Not so new that I was actually willing to go into a relationship, though.
I kept on my intense platonic relationship with Theo, but I told him, clearly, that I didn't want to be anything more than friends.
He accepted it- he never said he wanted anything more, anyway.
He started dating other girls.
And I couldn't stop talking to Jasmine about, well, how these other girls would never do it for him.
Like, they were pretty. Ok.
But he was a complex, weird person.
Being pretty wouldn't be enough.
Like, they were too simple.
Jasmine kept staring at me.
- Why don't you, uh, actually go on a date with him? Since you apparently are the only one that will ever get him. Instead of keep coming here, and complaining to me?
I glared at her- now, looking back, I wonder how could she put up with me, in that period.
Of course I wouldn't go on a date with him.
I didn't like him.
I didn't like anyone!
... did I??
....
In the meanwhile, my grades were getting worse.
I was so bad, I kept missing lessons, I couldn't get out of bed.
Jasmine, Theo and my other friends would bring me notes, but it wasn't the same.
They insisted I got checked, and I did.
The doctors I saw apparently were convinced that I was anorexic, and that I was faking my other symptoms in order to not go to Uni, or to justify my supposed refusal to eat.
If I vomited, it was not out of pain, but I was being bulimic.
They suggested me to see a psychiatrist.
I thanked them for their time, trying to keep calm. Behave like a civil person- they could have been my professors, after all. Later on.
I picked up my things, and left.
Determined never to walk into a hospital as a patient, ever again.
Theo was waiting for me outside- he drove me there because I couldn't go on my own.
I was furious.
I told him what they had said.
He was speechless.
He said young women were always treated in a patronizing way. That they judged the patient based on their assumptions of what they could have, more than the actual symptoms.
He offered to take me to another doctor. He said he'd save to get me into a private clinic, if needed.
But he didn't have any more money than I did, I knew it.
I thanked him, and refused.
He said, we were going to be different, one day. We wouldn't be doctors like those who had dismissed me.
And he kissed me.
And I kissed him back.
YOU ARE READING
Let's hope for the best
ספרות לא בדיונית... but prepare for the worst. When I was a kid, I thought that life was going to be like a Disney movie. Then, alas, life happened. And I found out, I was not ready for it.
