Let Me Struggle With You | Bucky Barnes x Reader

Panic Attack

"Y/n dinner is ready." I hear Jarvis' voice ring out in the room stopping me from reading the second book I have already made halfway through.

"Thank you Jarvis but I don't believe I will be attending dinner."

"May I ask why?"

"I'm just not hungry is all Jarvis." after saying this I go back to reading my book.

"I will inform them." a few moments pass before I hear Jarvis' voice again.

"I'm sorry miss but Bruce has insisted you attend and if you do not Steve will take you there himself." I groan not in the mood to be carried anywhere by anyone so decide to just go for dinner.

"Very well tell Bruce I will be up shortly."

"Of course." I sigh before carefully uncurling from my position while bookmarking my page and making my way towards the elevator.

"Jarvis take me up to the others please."

"Of course Y/n." I smile before it comes to a stop and the doors open to everyone sat around a long table with a meal probably prepared by one of the Avengers it looked like spaghetti and meatballs but I wasn't going to eat any regardless.

"Look who it is, finally came out from their cave, Batman!" I glare at Tony yet again while he smirks at my reaction, I roll my eyes at him before noticing the only seat available was beside Loki so I sigh before making my way over and gently sitting down being sure to be careful of Loki as to not irritate him. I watch as Wanda comes over and places a steaming bowl of pasta in front of me while giving me a gentle smile before retreating back to her seat beside Vision. I look down at the food feeling my stomach churn but I won't give in so I result to pushing my food around trying to not draw any attention from anyone.

"Y/n surely you must be hungry." I look up abruptly into the direction of Wanda while conversation holds again with everyone looking at me, I cringe at the fact I have caused that twice today already.

"I'm actually quite alright just didn't want to be rude." from the corner of my eye I see Bruce raise his eye brows before smirking which I didn't expect to come from him.

"Really? You seem to be staring very intently at your bowl as if it meant everything to you." I look at Bruce with a stern look almost as if we were having our own little argument then he said one word.

"Eat." I looked down to the bowl in front of me furrowing my eyebrows before looking back up at him.

"I can't." Bruce's expression softens at my statement while everyone sits quietly watching the both of us in anticipation.

"Start slow."

"What?"

"You don't have to eat it all completely but start with having a small mouthful and if that stays down then try another, if needed there is a sink over there in case." I take in his words but am still wary of what could happen.

"You need to eat. Please." I look at Bruce before slowly picking up my fork before twirling a small bit of pasta on my fork and blowing on it to cool it down, I bite it off the fork and chew it carefully before swallowing it down and waiting a minute to see if it stays there. After nothing happens I try another one and as I begin chewing it my stomach begins to churn and a sick feeling fills my taste buds, with no more hesitation I ignore the pain in my side as I rush from my seat and over to the sink letting everything come back up.

I feel a hand rub my back gently and stiffen at the touch.

"Hey it's alright you got one mouthful it's better than nothing." I relax ever so slightly recognising it to be Bruce, once I'm done I take the wipe Bruce held out for me and wipe my mouth clean before taking the glass of water from his other hand and ridding my mouth of the sick taste. I look up at Bruce and he smiles gently at me before I notice all the other Avengers staring at us intently making me all of a sudden feel very cautious and embarrassed.

"I think I'm going to go now the food was good before...that incident." Wanda smiles gratefully as I begin to leave to go back to my room and stay there for the rest of the night.

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I jolt awake struggling to breath from the nightmare that consumed me, dark memories from my time in Hydra clouded my vision making the situation worse to handle and calm down. 

"Miss I believe you are experiencing a panic attack should I alert the others?" I try to respond but my breathing gets harder and nothing comes out as my body shakes I lose all sense of everything around me but I can just make out the sound of footsteps crowding into my room but everything else is still blurry and non-comprehendible. Soon I feel a pressure against my back and someone's breath against my ear as I barely hear the words:

"Breath." I had no idea who it was but it was hard to focus when breathing was so hard for me to do.

"Y/n breath with me." I feel myself being pulled against something or someone and I feel the beating of a heart and the gentle rising and falling of their chest.

"Breath with me okay, in and out, try." I feel the soft movements of their chest before attempting at copying their breathing patterns and focusing only on the beating of their heart including their motion. Before long my breathing begins to normalize.

"That's it, you've got it." as I came to I realised Bruce was the one who had taken me into his chest to calm me down.

"I'm-- I'm sorry." I looked around to everyone surrounding me some more concerned than others.

"Don't apologise maybe it wasn't a good idea to put you on your own floor." I looked over at Steve still using Bruce as support.

"No, I much prefer my own floor I just can usual handle my...attacks alone." some give me looks of sympathy and others just stare at me, I move from my position on Bruce before clearing my throat slightly.

"So you all gonna stand there or.." they all realise what I was getting at and swiftly make their leave from my room and floor while Bruce remained for some reason.

"Oh sorry I just wanted to make sure you're completely alright now."

"I think so but I won't go back to sleep for the rest of the night." I smiled weakly and he mirrored me.

"Okay, don't tire yourself out alright." 

"Yes sir." he smiles before exiting leaving me alone yet again, I was beginning to really enjoy having Bruce as company he's been nice and caring, he feels like a brother I was never able to have and only after one day. With this thought I move across the hall to my study and continue my reading up until morning.