Hate You Most | Kurapika x reader

[Chapter 17] - A Change of Tactics

"What are we?" she asked, her whispers barely audible.

Kurapika looked down at her in a daze as he held her in his arms. The feeling of his hand against her forehead became all too noticeable.

Y/n watched his eyes widen. Then the silence consumed them.

"Partners?" she asked, her whisper so soft and fragile.

He had never expected Y/n ever to show him this side of her. It was a first, and if he replied to her question, he hoped it wouldn't be the last.

"Or..." she spoke in a questioning tone.

Kurapika watched as the light of the pair of his studded earring danced on her face and the hair that fell around it. He spoke hesitantly, "more," he answered.

"What's more than partners?"

They watched each other's gaze flicker from feature to feature as they studied one another.

Partners. Nothing more. Nothing less.

They spoke these words to themselves each time they let themselves fall into desire. Each time they found themselves craving something they knew was forbidden.

But they were more. They both knew that.

He knew. So he also knew he couldn't say it out loud. He had no intention of letting himself be swayed from the path he had taken.

He had told her from the very start, the day they first met, that caring for people only got in the way of what he wanted to accomplish. He didn't need any more obstacles in his way.

That day, she asked him about his goal, and the one thing he told her that was none of her business, he had entangled her with. A web that was so tightly woven around them that it had started to bind them.

"Friends?" she asked him.

Kurapika moved his hand off her forehead and traced it down to her arms.

He smiled down at her, "maybe someday."

He closed his eyes before she could peer into them. They drooped slightly and we're missing the warmth of his smile. As if it forgot to reach his eyes.

Y/n watched him. She wanted to say more, but her words failed her. So instead she laughed. "Yeah, maybe."

He brushed his fingers over her skin, over the old and healed wounds. There were four barely visible scars on her shoulder. They looked like they had just finished healing. But that wasn't all. Small scars were etched all over her skin. So small he had never noticed them before. He could have sworn she was marked everywhere. Everywhere besides her face. He wondered whether she'd ever tell him about their history.

Y/n was strong. He knew that as a fact. She quickly eliminated the men targeting Beau, even if she had gotten hurt in the process. Those wounds were almost done repairing themselves, but he wondered whether he should have involved her.

He heard Y/n's story. At least the bits she was willing to share. He wondered what her life would have been if she had never been through such hardships. Would she still be marked the way she was?

What if he hadn't been through the hardships he had? But he couldn't think about that. About how much easier it'd be to live. About how maybe he'd be able to answer Y/n's question.

He couldn't because thinking wasn't going to change anything for him, it would just distract him from what needed to be done, what needed to be sacrificed. Kurapika knew it, and so did his friends. He was throwing his life on the line. His freedom, his happiness, his future. That's why he couldn't even acknowledge her as his friend, he could never do that to anyone again. Not after letting Gon, Killua, Leorio, and the people he worked with slip into his heart. He wouldn't because if he did, he might abandon it all.