No More Wasting Time

Chapter 25

I never thought I'd feel this bad for someone. I especially never thought that someone would be Victor. He looked pale and it seemed like he was here but actually wasn't. He walked as if he was lost and just decided to keep going forward. Lost. That's all I could say to describe him. His old friends stared at him, some with a smirk and others in slight shock at his appearance. His hair was a mess and his clothes were all messed up. His shoes weren't even tied and I honestly feared that he would step on them and fall straight on his face because he looked like he wouldn't try to throw his arms out to avoid the hit.

"Aw, hell," Max mumbled and took a step closer to me. "Do you want to wait outside for a bit?"

I couldn't take my eyes off of him and a part of me felt guilty though I knew I shouldn't. I didn't do anything to him, I shouldn't feel responsible. Why does he continue to be in my life when I desperately am trying to distance us from one another? Part of me wanted to go over and take him home so that he could rest but the other felt ashamed that I was thinking that when I was with Hector. Hector, who was so kind to me and treated me like I was the most precious thing in the world. 

"Max, will you judge me if I skip first period?"

He stared at me and I knew that he didn't want to agree to this. Part of me was yelling at myself to not do it. Just yesterday I yelled at Victor to leave me alone. But he didn't look right in the mind and I didn't want him to have an accident. Max finally gave a sigh and shook his head, ruffling my hair and walking ahead of me. He stopped Victor, who flinched and took a step back, and shared a few words with him before heading inside. Victor now looked around the parking lot with wide eyes until they landed on me. I didn't know what to do since I was now nervous so the first thing that came to my mind was to give him a small awkward wave. He walked over at a quick pace until he got nearer and then he walked in hesitation. 

"H-Hey," he stuttered out. "Max said you wanted to talk?"

I took a quick glance at his old friend group and saw them just staring at us. His eyes followed mine and he looked over too, his friends immediately snickering and whispering. He rolled his eyes and turned back to me, standing in the way so that they couldn't stare at me anymore. He stared at me with slight fear but mostly guilt. I saw it was eating him alive, like how I was feeling right now for Hector. This felt wrong but I needed to get it off my chest. 

"Can we go somewhere else?"

"Yeah! Of course. My car is just that way. The bell is about to ring so we should go right now."

He led me to his car and unlocked it for us to get in. I was hesitant and I heard his friends calling out to him and I but I ignored it and got inside to avoid hearing them more. I could see some of his friends make sexual actions at us but he quickly pulled the car out of the parking spot and drove out of the school. The sound of the bell ringing was heard in the distance and I saw the students start walking into the building. I should already be at my seat, sitting right next to Hector. Our first day as an item and I wasn't even there. I felt awful.

"Is there a specific location or?"

"Park parking lot?"

He nodded his head and drove in silence. He was keeping to himself, probably afraid he'd do something I wouldn't like. I was nervous too, I didn't want this talk to go bad. I realized that I wanted something with Hector and I was using the excuse of working on myself. While I was working on myself, putting this behind me was also part of it. I just didn't want to deal with this and I was putting it off. But it was time. I couldn't waste more time on this because then I would never be 100% in the relationship with Hector. He didn't deserve that.

"Did you want to get off?"

I shook my head and he left the car on with the A/C so we wouldn't be sweating. I cleared my throat and took a quick glance at him. He was staring straight ahead, looking lost yet again. I was worried that I'd have this serious conversation with him and he wouldn't understand a single word. I wasn't planning on having this conversation twice, this was it. I needed to focus on the present and the future, not the past. No more wasting time on the past.

"I'm leaving," he suddenly said making me turn to him fully now while he remained looking straight. "My aunt thinks that homeschooling will be good for me. She's worried about me and uh, thinks my parents' absence has affected me more than I expected or let on."

"Victor, I'm so-"

"You don't have to be sorry. I should be the one saying that," he mumbled and gave me a quick glance. "My aunt has always wanted to travel and with homeschooling, I can graduate faster and she wants me to tag along with her."

"Do you want to go with her?"

He gave a small chuckle and looked down at his hands on his lap. I couldn't tell what he was thinking but I knew I felt sad for him. He was lonely and his aunt seemed to be the only one there for him. She cared for him like he was her own son and for that reason, I knew that even if he didn't want to go, he'd still go. She was all he had.

"I mean, maybe it'll be good for me. I've made too many mistakes here and I don't know what to do. I've always known what to do or at least had someone tell me what to do. I've never been this. . . vulnerable."

"Victor. . . You'll know what to do next."

"How?"

"You'll feel it. If you do something and you have a heavy feeling, that's probably a sign that you shouldn't do it. But, if it feels right, you wouldn't have second thoughts."

He stayed silent now, thinking about what I said until he sighed and turned to me before saying, "Diego, I just want you to know that I regret what I did to you. I don't deserve your forgiveness and I'm not here expecting it either. But, those last moments I had with you, I didn't have any second thoughts. My actions were real, I did enjoy being with you. I'm not telling you this to win you back, but I don't want to leave you thinking it was impossible for me to actually like you. Truth is, I was heading in the direction of love."

His speech left me, well, it left me speechless. I wasn't here for a confession nor was I here to try and be won back. I was here to leave him in the past and something told me that he needed me to leave the situation in the past. He needed to move on too. We all needed to.

"You hurt me, Victor. You made me feel like a big joke and insecure. I was bullied by your friends and I think what hurt more is that you still went back to them. You didn't even try to change," I said and watched as his head went down in shame. "But, I fear that if we don't move on, we'll be stuck. I can't forgive you right now, but I don't want you leaving thinking that it's impossible for you to be forgiven."

He gave me a small smile and nodded his head in understanding. A small chuckle escaped past his lips, probably amused by how well this talk went. I didn't expect things to have been this smooth either. I expected some screaming and, if I were to be honest, some resistance like yesterday. I hope he begins to live his life the way he wants and enjoys the break from all the drama. Maybe traveling will help with the trauama from not having his parents around. The best is all I could wish him. And as he parked the car on the side of the road by the school with the other cars of students who were running late, I felt a little better. We didn't say goodbye or left in an awkward state. We heard the bell ring and saw students walking around the halls a second later. I walked up the steps and turned around when I saw he wasn't following, but he just gave me an encouraging smile and nodded to tell me to continue on. 

He was going to be okay. I know he was.