M I S D E E D

18.

||Mere||
•In da car•

Lame niggas wanna hang with us but ain't bang with us
Slang with us, hanging out the window with them things with us
Gang members, real pain-givers like a train hit 'em
Fuck the game up, me and my niggas ran a train in it
Why they playing with us? They know EST the big mob
Gave so many blues to you, they slide throwing Crip signs (You know what it is, This Is The Sound)
Pill poppin', if I did stop, then I'd miss Quan
55 Zoski shooting drive, we ain't scared to die
Casey seen me laid up, made me cry, thought I lost my eye

"Ion care who with 'em innat ride, errbody die!" I rapped shaking my head.

I looked at all the paperwork on my desk. I shook my head. Who knew selling drugs would be so much work?

Na Na walks in with a bag of cash.

"How much is in it?" I asked her.

"15k." She said.

"Take 5 out and keep it for yourself."
She nodded and did just that. Once she did that, she put the bag with the rest of the money on my desk.

There was a moment of silence.

"You need some NaNa?"

"I was just looking at all the papers on yo desk." She said.

"Takin over a whole business ain't easy huh?" She said.

"Not at all. This shit got me a little stressed."

She smirked.

"You know what you do when you stressed?" She asked.

"What?" I said smirkin cuz I knew what she was finna say.

"Smoke." She said.

"Let's have a luh smoke break." She said.

"I'll roll up." She said.

"You know what? That's exactly what I need."

I got up and grabbed the weed.

***

"You know, I always wonder a lot of stuff about you and Monie." Na Na said passin da blunt to me.

"Stuff like what?" I took a puff.

"Like where yo go after that stuff happened with yo parents. And what'd you do? Stuff like dat." She said.

I took a deep breath in.

"Well..." I said rubbin the side of my face.

"You ain't gotta tell me nun." She said.

I took another puff and passed it to her.

"Na it's coo."

There was a moment of silence.

"Monie and I went through a lot together."

"Some of it, I'd rather forget."

"I'll prolly give you them answers later on."
•Flashback•

"Where are we going to go, Mere?" Monie said sniffling with tears falling down her face.

"A hotel." I said calmly trying to focus on the road.

"A hotel? And then what?" She asked.

"..."

"And then what?" She repeated.

"I don't know.."

"What if they come after us next?" She asked.

"What will we do?"

"I don't know, Monie."

"Will we ever see Momma and Deddy again?" She questioned.

"Are we ever even gonna come back to our home?" She asked.

"I-i don't know..I really don't know." I started to get choked up.

I let out a few tears but quickly wiped them away. I had to be strong. For myself & for Monie too.

•Present•

"When me and Monie first started moving around, it was hard for both of us. But Monie definitely took it the hardest."

"She had a lot of built up anger."

"When I put her back in schoo, she started fighting...a lot. She started having the most hellish attitudes. And hell we started bumping heads a wholeeee lot more."

"Yea I kinda understand her anger." Na Na said.

"When they took my brother, Mike, life, I was mad at the whole world for a long ass time." Na Na said looking to the side.

"Yeah. I understood the anger and did my best to help her through it."

"After a while, I started taking her to a psychologist. It seemed to help a lot."

"At first, she hated it but after awhile it for real started to help ha."

"The most time we spent in a place was over on the northside because I wanted her to get as much help as possible."

"So she don't go to a psychologist nomo?" Na Na said.

"She gets check ups from her sometimes. But na she don't go nomo."

There was a lil moment of silence.

"How did you deal with it personally? Like knowing that you now gotta take care of yourself and now a whole nother person?" Na Na asked.

I let out a long deep sigh.

"It felt like hell."

"Definitely felt like hell."

"I was definitely depressed, but you know, I had Monie to take care of, so I never really paid attention to it."

"I just figured that I had more important things to worry about."

"You ever felt like you needed help like Monie needed it?" Na Na asked.

"...I felt like I needed that and more."

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Word Count:826

Publish Date: November 2nd, 2022