Chance on You (Pub 4)

36 - Lust

Isla didn't want to get out of bed and face Leo. Their late night adventure had taken an unexpected direction. Isla was sure she sinned and felt guilty for not caring if she had. She should have avoided looking at his underwear, but her eyes kept finding the mound in the front. She knew a little about men's anatomy, but the only actual parts she had seen were Cody's. It was obvious the boy had a lot of growing ahead to be anything like his father. She had been fascinated and afraid of his things at the same time.

Her cheeks burned as she remembered his kiss. Even when Paul got carried away, his kiss hadn't been like Leo's. If he hadn't stood and left, she might have been dragged under by lust.

How would he act when she saw him and what did he mean by 'you are loved'? By the children? Certainly not by him? Having had no experience, she couldn't be certain what she felt was love, but it felt unlike any feeling she had ever experienced.

She pulled herself out of bed and dressed before slowly climbing the stairs. Leo. Her heart stopped as she watched him put the coffee on.

He turned and smiled. "Good morning." Then he stepped to her and kissed her forehead. "I will never ask you to change what you believe, but fate brought us together. Tell me you feel it too." She nodded, unable to push air to form a sound. "If I keep a distance, it's only so I don't repeat my actions from last night. I respect you too much."

Isla nodded and stepped around him to pour the coffee which brewed enough for two cups. She wanted to cry, because she faced an impossible dilemma.

Somehow like after every other encounter, things returned to normal or a new normal. Leo didn't kiss her or talk about love again. Meanwhile, she tried not to think about male anatomy. In the evenings alone, he held her hand when they talked. One night after she complained her feet hurt, he offered to massage them. Isla's insides felt almost like they had after the kiss. The kiss that should never be mentioned.

School started and Isla had spent the week making up for the cleaning she hadn't done over the summer. Their mornings had changed with Riley getting on the bus to the middle school before they left for the train station. Isla dropped Cody at school in time to attend Mass. Every day she prayed for a change in feelings. The right words were hard, but often she pleaded, make him only a friend. On her third Monday back at coffee, Father sat next to her

He sipped his coffee while Marcia finished talking about her visit to see her son. Isla turned and smiled at the priest. He was about Leo's age, but she didn't even feel a flutter for him, perhaps because he was ordained.

"It's nice you're back, Isla."

"Thank you, Father."

He frowned. "You look worried. Is everything okay?"

Isla bit her lip. Had she sinned? "No. I need some counsel."

"You're in luck. My calendar is unusually clear today."

"What time?"

He looked at his watch. "After coffee. Say at half past?"

"Okay."

Isla wished she could talk to Sister Agnes. She sipped her coffee and wondered what the old nun would think of her transformation. Leo called her a butterfly. The only butterflies were in her tummy when she thought of him half naked on her bed. Cody had seen a Monarch flitting around on their walk home from school the other day. He explained how they flew to Mexico for the winter. Isla wondered how they knew to do that. She suspected it was much the same as the way her body responded to Leo. God intended it, but he didn't plan for divorce to prevent nature from reaching its potential. Isla was a little presumptuous in thinking he wanted to marry her, but hadn't he said almost as much? She stared into the subpar coffee as her thoughts spiraled around and around.