Silver Clouds [COMPLETE]

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I tried to take even breaths. In and out. In and out. In and out. But I was struggling. My stomach was rolling and my heart was racing. I shouldn't have been so nervous. I was just going to talk to Pastor Vince.

But it wasn't just a normal talk. This was different. This was important. I had been thinking about it all week. I had prayed over and over, nearly nonstop. I had thought of every situation and circumstance into long hours of the night.

Talking to Pastor Vince was the final piece I needed.

I wished Jordan was here. But I hadn't told him about my dilemma. I knew that what I was contemplating would change a lot for us and I wasn't sure how he would take it. So I was waiting until I was sure to tell him about it. There was no reason to freak him out if I didn't go through with it.

Swallowing, I stepped into New West's front doors. It was a Friday morning, so there was very little activity besides a few cleaning people. And, of course, a few of the pastors. But they were all in their offices.

I went through the lounge and found the door labeled, "Offices." Pushing through, I was met with a wide hall lined with doors. Each was accompanied by a name I recognized; the youth pastor's, the assistant pastor's, the prayer leader's, the kids pastor's. And at the very end of the hall, the last door read Pastor Vince McKenny.

Why hadn't I called him first? I had Jennifer's number so I could have gotten his from her. But I hadn't been planning on coming here today. Not until I had woken up that morning and felt an urging in my spirit to talk to him.

What if he wasn't here today? What if he was too busy to talk? What if this was completely stupid and I-

No. I needed to stop overthinking this.

Stepping forward with a confident breath, I knocked three times on his closed office door.

Each second that there was no response, I got antsier. But I didn't fidget. I needed to at least look confident in what I was doing. Maybe then I would feel it a little. Hopefully.

Finally after almost half a minute as I was contemplating on if I should knock again or run away, the door opened. Pastor Vince peeked out and gave me a surprised smile. I smiled back but stayed silent as he gestured to the phone at his ear.

As he waved for me to come in, he continued his conversation on his phone. "Yes, I think that date works for me, but I'll double check with Jennifer." He was quiet as he sat down behind his desk before replying a moment later. "Yes, that's fine." Another pause. And then a laugh. "I hope so, too. I'll see you then." He smiled and then hung up.

"Sorry to interrupt," I quickly said, feeling a little guilty for intruding.

"No worries. I was just scheduling an appointment with Jen and my therapist."

I raised my eyebrows. "You guys go to..." I realized how rude that sounded and so didn't finish my sentence.

Vince laughed light-heartedly. "I know it might be surprising but even the pastor and his wife fight every once in a while. I mean, we're on good terms most of the time, like right now, but we like to keep consistent visits just so we might be able to prevent some of the more heated disagreements. A pastor is allowed to ask for help, you know."

I forced a smile. "Yeah, I guess."

"Please, sit. Sorry for the mess of papers. I'm not the most organized person sometimes."

This made me smile genuinely as I sat down in the chair across from him. He wasn't joking about the mess. Papers and old coffee cups were all over his desk, along with random pencils, pens, highlighters, and several books that I couldn't read the names of. But it had a certain appeal to it, like it showed he really cared about what he did.