45. Closure

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I duck into the bathroom and dash to the vacant stall

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I duck into the bathroom and dash to the vacant stall. Once I've locked the door, I put on my shirt and lean against the wall.

Don't cry.

You were eighteen, starting college. It was just a photoshoot for an Italian lingerie brand. They paid you well, and you invested the money in your personal shopping business.

Don't cry.

Elena must've seen you with Ian that time on campus. Ian called you Atla. The pictures are online, and anyone could find them.

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

I inhale through my nose. Exhale through my mouth. Repeat. My heart races, but it'll pass. What's the worst that can happen?

Everyone will know about my modeling and blog. They'll know my second name. Are my professors going to judge me?

If they do, fuck them. My GPA, not what I did to earn money, should be what they base their opinion on.

But it still stings because showing the pictures wasn't my choice, and nothing does more damage than losing your freedom to choose. I hate feeling helpless, and that's how I felt staring at the eighteen-year-old me.

Minutes tick by. Bast appears in my mind. He looked mad, yanking the photos off the wall so I wouldn't see them.

That he cares about me means a lot, but it's not his battle to fight. I can deal with Elena, but what will I gain? It's a losing game because she'll want him anyway. She'll hate me anyway, no matter what harsh words I say to her. She thinks she won by trying to bring me down. I might let her believe she did.

The restroom door screeches. I hear the thud of footsteps, then the silence returns.

I stay in the bathroom for almost an hour. When the lecture I missed is almost over, I leave my hiding place and go to Kenny's.

***

"You're home early," Kenny says, walking out of his room. He's dressed in a black button-down and slacks that hug his toned butt - a contrast with his usual casual outfits.

I whistle, and he chuckles. "Too much?"

"Never. What's the occasion?"

"Luigi's fashion show in Venburn, remember? Clay will take care of the store. I'll be back tomorrow evening. Are you sure you don't want to come with me? It'll be fun, and it'll take your mind off things."

I forgot about Kenny's trip. Sleepless nights must have hindered my ability to retain information.

Kenny walks over and pulls me into a hug. "You okay? You didn't tell me why you were back early."

"I was too tired to focus in class. I just need some sleep." I peer up at him and flatten my palm against his chest, lightly pushing him away. "But you should have fun. Send me pics, okay? And say hi to Luigi."

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