From me to you

Chapter 27

"Come in." 

I open the door saying hi and find my spot on the couch, she smiles, "Hello Jackie, haven't had an in-person session for a while." I nod, "I know between the movie premiere and my one-year anniversary, I've been extra busy, but I'm here now and we can continue with the memory blocks." 

She laughs, "It's called dissociative amnesia." I smile, "I know but it's more fun the other way." 

She sighs, "Okay, but we can't just dive head first into trauma, talk to me about something else, the thing with your dad, how did that go?" 

Well, how do y'all think it went? 

Horrible? No, it was actually slightly nice. 

I went to visit him during that gray area of last year, the few days between Christmas and New Year, it's when people decide whether you're wanted in their life moving forward or not. 

Anyway let me set the scene for you, I know where he is, he's always there, year in, year out, that's the one stable thing about the man, so I tell Logan I'm going for a drive, and head out, the bar is on the outskirts of town, no matter where he is, which at the moment was with my very loving grandparents back in Italy, he finds his way back here every year. 

I'm sure he's drunk out of his mind, so if anything he would think this was a dream, I walk into the bar and look around for him, there he is, he's covered in peanut shells and has a bimbo hanging off his arm, it's honestly pathetic, fuck it, I don't need that drunk, I turn, heading for the door. 

"Giannina? My Giannina." I pull my coat tighter and turn to him and he smiles, his eyes brighten like he's seen his favorite thing and my heart melts, "Papá." He pushes the girl off him and staggers my way, the bastard, I've been doing work to unlock, in a way, my repressed memory of my childhood, and we've only gotten to age 8 and so far it seems the same, the mood is always solemn, my papá can't look at me, well when he's around that it, my mum hovers and I just seem so sad, painfully sad. 

I smile and step back when he goes for a hug, "Papá, you reek." He waves it off, "Amore Mio, come, come." I give in and hug him, as stubborn as I am, I love my papá, everyone loves their dad, even if it's just a little part of them, I've tried to hate the man and succeeded in some sense but he doesn't have his wits about him right now, I'm allowed to indulge myself. 

We find a table and sit, "Papá, I came to talk to you, it's about something serious." He doesn't sober, he smiles brightly, "No, Gia, let me tell you, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I fight the smile, the unbreakable Nico is apologizing, one thing I've seen in my past and from the memories I have of him before he left is that papá never admits he's wrong, never apologizes either, he'd rather pick a hill and die on it, I envy him for it partially, but it's what ruined his marriage, it's also ruined his relationships thus far. 

"What for? Papá please, I'm here to talk about my childhood." That sobers him up just a little, "No, I will not discuss your childhood with you, we locked it away for a reason." I frown, staring at him, honestly, I blame nonna, he's her only child, and he's a boy, he was spoiled rotten and used to getting his way, but his statement doesn't sit right with me. 

"We?" He nods, "You, your mother, and I, we worked for many years, helped you lock away your childhood so you could live a normal life tesoro, I've never stopped caring." He takes my hand and I stare at it, a normal childhood? 

"Papá I'm in therapy, I'm trying to unlock these memories, tell me what to do." He pulls his hand away like I was on fire, "Therapy? Principessa that's for unwell people, you aren't unwell, you're an Abelli." I shake my head, "No papá, I am, I'm not okay and I want to get better, I feel sad all the time and I don't know why, I want to move on papá, maybe it could help our relationship too."