Empty Inside (Diall)

Part Three

Empty Inside – Part Three

“I—”

“I didn’t poison it, you know?” she joked. “Come on, take a bite! They’re glazed just how you like it!”

Liked, I couldn’t come to eating something so unhealthy in my bulimic and anorexic state. “Well, I…I ate a lot before I came, so…yeah.” I avoided eye contact, hoping she wouldn’t question me. I feel like such a bag of lies.

She tilted her head to the left, and studied me. “And you used to be the kind of girl that said there was always room for dessert when I brought ice cream. Are you really alright? Maybe you’re sick, we could schedule the next song recording after tomorrow or even later if you’d like?”

I shook my head. “No, I just, really ate a lot this morning. You don’t have to worry!”

I could tell she didn’t believe me. But she couldn’t possibly have thought that I was starving myself again. No one noticed, unless they watched my every move.

“If you say so,” she says uncertainly.

“Anyway, I gotta go! Um, I might need to call Niall, or just check on the song. Bye!”

     Quickly I left the studio and called for a cab. It didn’t take long before I was finally home. I hurried and let myself sink to the floor. I sighed in relief. She was definitely suspicious but she couldn’t have guessed for me to be anorexic again, could she?

It just wasn’t possible, right?

     I decided to check on my phone. I received a few texts from my family, and quickly replied, also a text from Niall. How nice, maybe he finally gave up and decided to tell me when he was coming over? At least, I’d be prepared. That was something.

Niall Leprechaun<3: is a picnic too old fashioned? Maybe we should just watch a movie??

I rolled my eyes. I told him he didn’t need to stress about this previously, but he still did.

Demi: As long as im with you it’s fine :)

Niall Leprechaun<3: such a vague answer -_-

Demi: hahaha, seriously, anything’s fine

In my head I thought about adding on ‘but not so much food involved’, but that would definitely sounds suspicious.

I thought that was the end of the texting, but Niall had sent me another text message.

Niall Leprechaun<3: but it’s the first time were meeting in nearly 2 months!  And don’t u miss me?? D:

Demi: Of course I miss you, dummy! Anyway, i need some rest, but f you can tell me when your comng over, that could be helpful

Niall Leprechaun<3: nice try, sweet dreams, love :))

I quickly replied good nght back, and placed my phone away.

     I still hate the fact that I loved him so much that I felt like torturing myself. I knew he loved me for me, I knew he liked me for who I was, but I was just so scared of losing him. There were so many girls worldwide who could be so much cuter than I was.

Thinner, even. But Niall liked it when I ate with him. Apparently, he felt like I was showing him more of me and trusted him whenever we ate together. It seemed so illogical to me at the time, and I just laughed. But now, I think I understand. Although, I’m sure this wasn’t what he had in mind.

     We’ve worked so hard to be together. I don’t get it. Why was I being so insecure? I know he won’t cheat, I know the haters won’t matter to me, but I let them get to me. I let the comments of how we didn’t suit each other cloud my mind.

Ha, I wonder if they’d be happy seeing how they’ve won and made me crumble.

The human race is pitiful really, feeling the need to know everything and overpower everyone to feel content with themselves. It’s disgusting.

And yet, my mind only thinks about how I was disgusting. My anorexic little mind was agreeing with society’s sense of beauty. Talk about hypocritical.

I laid on my bed and stared at the ceiling. Really, could things get any better?

I shifted my position, and grabbed a pillow, putting it in between my arms. I took a few breaths and closed my eyes. What am I going to do?

But I thought about how I just exchanged texts with Niall. I wasn’t going to sleep uneasy tonight. Definitely, not. But who knows how I’ll sleep in the next few days? Niall was keeping his flight a secret to me. I don’t know when to prepare, I don’t know when my deadline is. I’m scared.

Notes ~

~ Okay, this chapter may have sucked o.e But what do you think Tyra thought about? Hmm… Anyway, this is probably really short :P But that’s why I decided to upload this as soon as I could xD

      ~ Yours, M0N0CHR0ME