Yours - A Nick and Charlie Story

Chapter 6: Nick

Shit. What the hell am I going to do? I've looked up all this information about sexuality and I'm just so confused. What I'm feeling, I can't push down. Can't or won't? Can't because I've never felt like this about another person. Won't because it's Charlie.

"Nicky, I made dinner!" My mum calls from downstairs.

"I'll be down in a second!" I yell back.

I head downstairs and sit down with her. We talk about school and rugby, then she brings up Charlie.

"So Charlie is on a date right now?"

"Yeah, what about it?" I say.

"Oh nothing, I'm just happy for him!"

She doesn't understand. Yes of course I'm happy for Charlie, how could I not be. It would be selfish if I didn't. Charlie wasn't exclusive to only me, but I know he is safe when he is with me.

*Ding*

I grab my phone and see a text from Charlie.

Charlie: Hey Nick, I really need you to come get me. It went really bad.

My heart dropped. I immediately got up from the table and grabbed my keys.

"Nick, where are you going?" My mum yells behind me.

I don't even stop to explain to her. I slam the door behind me and start the car. Shit, where even was he? He said the cafe was on the other side of town, which meant by the beach. That was almost an hour drive from my house. It didn't matter though. I text him.

Me: I'm on my way

*Ding*

"Not delivered"

Shit shit shit shit shit. I made it there in 30 minutes. It was almost completely dark out except for a couple of street lights. In the distance I could see a silhouette on the beach. I run as fast as I can and when my feet hit the rocks of the beach I turn to the right and I see Charlie. He doesn't see me. He is staring off into the ocean, almost in a sort of daze.

"CHARLIE!?" I scream.

He looks at me, at first with shock, and then he just starts to sob. Rushing over to him, I put my arms around him telling him,

"Shh shh, it's ok,"

He looks up at me, taking a second to breathe.

"It's not, it's re-really not," he burrows his head into my shoulder.

I let him just cry for a few minutes. I didn't know what else to do. I grabbed his face with my hands to make him look up at me.

"What do you need? Charlie, please let me help."

At this point my eyes are brimmed with tears as I watch more fall from his eyes.

"Please just stay with me, okay?" He barely manages to get out.

TW: Talk of self-harm and EDs, read a/n for non-triggering summary

I nodded and he just put his head back onto my shoulder. I held him tighter than I've ever held anything before. I felt like if I let go, I'd never get him back. I've only ever seen Charlie like this once, and I almost lost him then. I can't lose him now, I just can't. Back when he was in year 11, Charlie struggled a lot with his eating disorder. Not only that, but self harm as well. We had a fight one night after a long day, and I stormed out of his house, leaving him alone. I get a call not an hour later from his sister, telling me what I caused. Charlie had relapsed. And it was all my fault. I knew better than to leave him alone after a fight, but I did anyway. So as I hold him now, it brings me back to what I didn't do then. The tears are coming back to my eyes, and I notice Charlie is looking at me.

TW END

"Nick?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm so sorry." He says.

I'm the one who should be saying sorry. I should've known all those years ago the feelings I had for him. Maybe I had pushed them down to the point where they didn't exist. If I had just let myself feel, then maybe we wouldn't even be in this situation.

"What did I tell you about saying that word?" I choke out.

He places his head on my forehead and whispers.

"I know, I know."

We both turn and look out at the ocean while I just continue holding him. As long as we're here, and I'm with him, I can keep him safe. I'm not making the same mistake again. He won't have to be alone.

"I think I should take you home. Your parents are probably worried." I say.

"Can I stay with you instead?" He looks up at me, his eyes begging me to not take him back home.

"Of course," I give him one last tight hug. I really don't want to let go, but I have to. We walk back to my car and start driving back to my house. I take every turn slower than I usually would just so that I know Charlie is as comfortable as he can be. We get back to my house, and briefly explain to Mum the situation.

"Of course he can stay." She says. She gives me a hug. I get Charlie a sweatshirt and joggers, and they don't fit, and we do share a laugh about that. I give him my bed, and I go to sleep on the couch downstairs. Before I go I ask him,

"Charlie, do you wanna talk about what happened?"

I know asking this question will make him upset again, but I need to know.

"Nick, I just don't know if I can tell you, I don't want you to see me the way I was." He says.

I walk over to him and grab his hand.

"I promise, whatever happened was not your fault." I say. I squeeze his hand to make sure he understands. He squeezes back.

"Goodnight Nick."

"Goodnight Charlie."

I wake up the next morning, and go to check on Charlie. As I open up the bedroom door, I see he isn't there. What I do see is a folded up piece of paper lying on the pillow. Slowly, I walk toward my bed and sit down. I grab the note and unfold it.

Nick,

Remember when I wanted to tell my parents about my ED, and you helped me write a note? I just thought this would be easier than telling you what happened in person. I just couldn't bear to see the look on your face, especially if it makes you hate me. So I guess I need to get to the bad part. Ben was acting kind of weird the whole time, not at all like normal. At the cafe, I asked if he wanted to go take a picture at the beach when we were done. He got really angry at me for even suggesting that. I guess I was pressuring him to do something he didn't want, so it's my fault. He yelled at me, and I freaked out and hid in the bathroom. I was crying and then he came in after me, apologizing. I was still really uneasy and started backing up as he got closer to me. This made him more angry, and, yeah. He pinned me against the wall and kissed me. I didn't want him to. I wanted it to stop. Eventually I just fell to the ground. Then he called me something really, really bad. Maybe it's true, I don't know. I just couldn't tell you in person. I didn't want to see your face when you started looking at me differently. I get it if you don't want to be friends anymore. I wouldn't want to be friends with me either. Anyways, thanks for coming to my rescue last night, and for everything.

Love,

Charlie <3

A tear drips onto the paper. I didn't even realize I was crying until I saw his name.

Charlie <3.

That heart meant so much more than it ever had. He thought I would hate him? I don't think I could ever hate Charlie, how could anyone really? I throw the note back on the bed and run out of my room.

A/N: TW Scene - Basically a brief mention of Charlie's ED and a retelling of when Charlie relapsed after the fight he and Nick had in the webtoon where Tori had to call Nick. Nick is scared of loosing Charlie and that flashback comes back because he feels the same way now as he did then.